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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want DP to have a wedding ring?

127 replies

fallawaydaisy · 25/10/2011 19:42

me and DP are getting married in a few short weeks.
Except I have just found out that he doesn't want to wear a ring.
At all.

AIBU to feel a bit put out and upset that he doesn't want to wear one?

OP posts:

CeliaFate · 26/10/2011 08:04

If you want him to have a wedding ring, you need to think of the reason why. If it's because you're wearing one, so you would like him to wear a matching band then yanbu.
If it's because you think it'll ward off evil adulteresses from luring him into their lair, then yabu!

LoveBeingAWitch · 26/10/2011 08:06

I would have been very disappointed if dh had said he wasn't going to wear one, or rather if he'd stuck to it . We had a look and he found one he really liked. He is now very glad he did. His father didn't and I think it just one of those things he wasn't used too. My dad did. I think it's important.

LoveBeingAWitch · 26/10/2011 08:09

Btw nothing to do with warding off other women, I'm not an idiot. It's a symbol of our marriage, I'm proud to be married to him and show it.

exoticfruits · 26/10/2011 08:10

I had no idea that people felt so strongly about it either-I thought it was down to personal choice-the personal choice of the person not their partner.

(A lot of people never seem to understand that the only person you can control is yourself.)

MistyMountainHop · 26/10/2011 08:13

yanbu

i take it you will be wearing one? and if so, why should YOU wear one if he isn't going to? its like he wants the world to see that you are married but doesn't want the world to see that HE is!

seeker · 26/10/2011 08:17

Look, if you wouldn't trust him out of your sight without a "spoken for" ring,what the fuck are you doing marrying him in the first place?

bruffin · 26/10/2011 08:19

DH has a wedding ring, it is actually his grandmothers wedding ring but very thick old gold. He never wears it because he is an engineer and is dangerous to wear rings working with machinery.
I don't even wear my wedding ring these days, I have had to have it cut off twice now.

MilkNoSugarPlease · 26/10/2011 08:24

My dad doesn't wear one...aside from a watch, he wears no jewelry at all, and he's the most commited man I know :o

fatlazymummy · 26/10/2011 08:24

I had to have my wedding ring cut off when I was pregnant. I didn't suddenly stop being married. I'm seperated now, if I got married again [extremely unlikely] I wouldn't wear a wedding ring because I don't like wearing jewellery, I find it irritating. Funny enough, I never even look at other people's ring fingers [men or women] to see if they are married so I don't actually see a wedding ring as a symbol of anything.

snowballinashoebox · 26/10/2011 08:25

yabu. Why does anyone need to prove to the world that you are committed to each other?

I love my ring, it is my choice to wear it and I would never have thought of insisting dh wore one. Actually I think they look a bit tacky on a man.

exoticfruits · 26/10/2011 08:28

It is a load of fuss about nothing. Absolutely no one notices (or cares) whether you have one or not. I took mine off when I was a widow, I got fed up with people assuming that I had a DH and it made not one jot of difference.
You can't assume anything with a ring. I know people who have been divorced for years and years who still wear their rings and I know those who are very happily married who never wear one.

ZillionChocolate · 26/10/2011 09:18

I think YABVU unless he's insisting that you must wear a ring and you don't want to. I wear a wedding ring because I want to. My DH wears one too although I encourage him not to all the time as it irritates his skin. I expected him not to cheat on me when he was just a boyfriend, what difference does a ring make? You sound very immature.

edwinbear · 26/10/2011 09:34

DH doesn't wear a ring, he doesn't wear jewellery, other than a watch, and said it would feel funny. We bought him one for the ceremony, which he wore on honeymoon and couldn't get used to it, he sometimes puts it on for family events, but very rarely, I can't remember the last time he wore it. Knowing that it wouldn't get much use meant he had a relatively cheap plain, platinum band and I blew the rest of the wedding ring budget on a big sparkly, diamond encrusted, bespoke wedding ring for me everyone's a winner as far as I'm concerned. He's never had an affair as far as I'm aware and it doesn't bother me in the slightest that he doesn't wear it.

hauntedstateofmind · 26/10/2011 10:12

DH doesn't wear a ring, neither does my father or FIL. None of them have had affairs AFAIK.

DH wears a watch but no other jewellery, same as DF and DFIL. It has never been an issue.

aldiwhore · 26/10/2011 10:17

My DH didn't want to wear a ring at all either, he hates jewellry and has sensitive skin.

I found him a titanium one. Its very lightweight and he forgets its there, he also thinks its cool because NASA have made rockets out of the same material.

Ephiny · 26/10/2011 11:05

YABU, I don't want to wear a ring and I doubt DP will either. I rarely wear any kind of jewellery, and have never in my life worn a ring. I just don't like them and don't see the need.

Doesn't mean I'm not committed or want to have an affair. We've been together for 10 years with no rings (and no wedding either!) and have managed to be committed and faithful, why should that change when we get married?

seeker · 26/10/2011 11:19

I hesitate to say this, but has anyone mentioned the dreaded "class" word? Old fashioned posh people, like my dad and my older brothers would never dream of wearing a ring except possibly a signet ring on the little finger. And they would judge a man who did. Just saying........

skrumle · 26/10/2011 11:21

i don't wear my wedding ring, my H wears his. i think it would be weird not to have the exchanging of rings if you are having a church ceremony but it wouldn't bother me if my H didn't want to wear his unless he was insisting that i had to wear mine.

onlinefriend · 26/10/2011 11:23

My DH didn't get one when we got married as he worked with machinery. It did really bother me, tbh. Not because of the whole 'likely to cheat' argument, which i think is ridiculous, but because we had a church wedding and the exchange of the rings is part of that.

Anyway, two years later my DH had changed jobs and suggested that he got a ring and we asked the vicar about it. We ended up with another mini 'blessing' service for just the two of us which was much nicer than our original huge wedding full of people we didn't know who just 'had' to be invited.

The reason i'm telling you this is that this story has convinced two of my friends future husbands to go with a ring after all (the threat of having to endure a second lot of wedding stuff, presumably!)

diddl · 26/10/2011 11:25

"And they would judge a man who did."

Shame on them, then.

Hammy02 · 26/10/2011 11:31

Yes Ephiny...In what way would a man that wore a wedding ring be judged? I am intrigued to know.

smartyparts · 26/10/2011 11:31

Seeker, thank God times have changed then!

My dh wears a ring, which I'm happy about but neither person should feel they have to wear one.

My sister, my mum, my dad don't wear a wedding ring. (All married btw!)

oohlaalaa · 26/10/2011 11:32

YABU. His choice. I would have preferred DH not to have a ring, would have saved me money.

My brother refused a ring. He does not like wearing jewellery.

Ephiny · 26/10/2011 11:33

Where did I say they'd be judged? . I'm absolutely fine with men (and women) wearing them or not as they choose. Just prefer not to myself.

Deliaskis · 26/10/2011 11:38

Dh doesn't have a ring, it wouldn't occur to me to be bothered by it. My Dad never had one so I suppose it's not really in my frame of reference as a necessary thing.

Lots of very odd comments on here though.

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