Social Services are not the Childcatcher (FFS)

[LoopyLoopsPussInBoots]

(Thread about so many threads)

AIBU to think that if you have concerns for the welfare of a child, you don't assess the situation yourself, you let the professionals know so they can evaluate the situation?

I know contact from SS can be daunting and worrying for a parent, but the fear of upsetting an adult, or the fear of repercussions on yourself can NEVER trump the fear of welfare for a child.

Social Services will not just wade in and take children away without very compelling reasons to do so. Please don't be scared of calling them if you think a child is at risk of abuse, whatever form this may take. Don't 'wait and see', don't try to sort it out yourself, don't ask a million people for advice and do nothing, ask the trained and experienced professionals to do their job and assess the situation properly.

FFS!

What about those parents who haven't done anything wrong, yet get inconvenienced and made to feel inferior by the presence of SS in their lives?

It's a shame. But if someone had genuine concerns about the safety o the children, it is still worth inconveniencing the adults.

Surely?

If you have serious concerns about the welfare of a child I agree.

And I am not a big fan of SS generally.

What about those children living in terrible conditions who could be helped by the presence of SS in their lives?

I think it's always best to raise concerns.

If you do, and it's nothing, then it's nothing. Yes, it is stressful and bloody horrible for the parents, but it ends.

If you don't and it's something, then you condemn a vulnerable child to a miserable existance.

When you weigh it up like that - it surely becomes clear what must be done?

YANBU - the needs of a child who might be putting up with terrible treatment from the people who should be looking after him/her should always take precident over the needs of a parent to raise their DCs the way they want.

But lots of people think parental rights are important than childrens so you'll get a lot of people saying YABU.

Sorry but social soervices has a reputation for a reason.

Personally i have had a very bad experiance with them and would stay as far away from them as possible.

I agree with reporting but SS do sometimes wade in and fuck up big time!

How can anyone seriously think parental rights are more important than childrens? Surely no-one would admit to thinking that?

YANBU but I think some commonsense has to apply. I've seen threads asking should they call SS over things that are pretty trivial and, having known a family that were wrongly accused of abuse, I've seen the terrible consequences when innocent parents are put under the spotlight. Like dialling 999, I think SS should only be called in where there are serious concerns.

People are so weary because like it or not they have a bad reputation. And TBH sometimes the slating is deserved.

I've also found them less than supportive when I had involvement with them. In fact from a financial and mental health POV they made things ten times harder for me.

But I would still would call them if I had serious and founded concerns for a child. A lot of the time posters on here call for them to be phoned when what the person in question really needs is a bit of neighbourly support and a shoulder to cry on. SS don't always make things easier. The whole system needs overhauling imo.

They have a bad reputation for so many reasons. It's a horrible job. Day in and day out they are doing things that upset people. They are human, and do fuck up. Social workers (like most public sector workers) are overworked, and tend to have their hands tied in many cases. The system is massively flawed. But this still does not take away from the fact that the welfare of a child is more important than any of these issues.

By the way, my experiences with SS have been far from great. I was in care. They fucked up many times on many levels, quite disastrously a few times. However, they remain the best equipped to deal with child protection issues.

I dont think that

I speak from experience, as a few years ago I was being harassed at home. Despite hundreds of calls to the police about this person, all actually did was inform SS that DS was in danger. Huge upset caused for me - I had done nothing wrong and was being stalked and harassed, then had to deal with SS on top of it all. It was mortifying, upsetting, distressing and will never leave me.

I agree to an extent. I agree that normal people, if they think that maybe they should inform SS are probably right, and probably should.
If you are a knickers-in-a-twist curtain-twitching panicker though, as I've seen quite a few of on MN your gut instinct isnt necessarily the right response.
But I'd probably still advise them to err on the side of caution...

cogito put it better than me! [hgrin]

would never think twice about involving ss if i had one inkling something wasnt right

I have lots of good/bad experiences with SS and I obviously still think that they should be called when you are worried about a child. They are the professionals charged with dealing with children by society.

As a foster carer I am massively intruded upon and scrutinised to the nth degree - and it's fine!

you develop the skin of a rhino and you stop being defensive. And it requires a level of openness that most people find very difficult.

No one else asks you about your sex life or finances or judges your parenting/caring like it Yes, it's tough sometimes but it's fine.

"How can anyone seriously think parental rights are more important than childrens?"

How can anyone seriously think that parent's rights and children's rights are at odds in that way?

Introducing unnecessary stress into the life of a family because you have some passing fancy that a child may be at risk is a dreadful thing to do.

"trained and experienced professionals"

:o

Yes, I'm sure there are no incompetent, idiotic people working for SS.

I mean the pay is so good, it must attract the very creme de la creme.

There are times when contacting SS is the right thing to do. But the idea that because we have SS that the rest of the community can suspend their judgment, their critical facilities, their ability to help, their capacity to intercede, and just phone the "trained and experienced professionals" is dangerous nonsense.

I don't think parental rights supercede the rights of the child unless the child is in a relatively happy, stable home, and then parental rights become family rights and responsibilities (iyswim). But I think that SS have been responsible for some truly terrible things. I also think there is an ingrained inverse snobbery among social workers that means they don't judge all parents by the same criteria. I would have to be very sure of my facts before calling in SS as I think even the slightest contact with them can be immensly distressing and destructive.

Oh and I don't believe for a minute that SS won't just wade in and take children unless there is good reason.

"I would still would call them if I had serious and founded concerns for a child"

Yes

"would never think twice about involving ss if i had one inkling something wasnt right"

No

Op my experiance with them is appalling.

DS - 2 KIds young (one from rape by her first kids dad)
Her ex V voilent with a restraining order against him (also had previous with his ex's).
He contacts SS as a wicked tool
Sister talks to them and accepts help.
She gets a fresh grad with his first case (he was young, had a point to prove, a name to make)
I get a call of DS Crying, salying Dale (oohps) has called her to say she has a meating on Xdate and they are taking kids off her.
I turn up to a room full of SS workers and they were suprised what this Dale has told her. (the meeting was not for that at all).
This same person was assessing my DS with general parenting skills, she was bathing kids and asked if he could watch kids for two secs whilst she grabs the towels. He said yes. Then at the end her told her how bad of a parent she was for leaving kids alone in the bath.

Those are just the tame events that happend with this guy.

But when she got a new SS worker things were much better.

Sadly in my experience Callisto, as a child and very recently, they won't take a child away even if they have massively good reason to do so.

Yes, there are idiots working for SS. There are idiot doctors, but I wouldn't try and sort out suspected appendicitis myself.

But my statement in no way contradicts yours (or doesn't mean to), which is why I view SS in such a negative way. Children are taken that shouldn't be and children are left in awful situations who should be removed.