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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not buy Dh anything for his birthday?

47 replies

onlygirl · 24/10/2011 21:47

Or for christmas. He will be turning 30 this year so I have asked if there is anything he would like.
He has said there is nothing he wants or needs, I suggested we go somewhere but no he doesn't want to do that either.
We go through this every year re christmas but I thought as he is going to be 30 aswell he would want to do something different.
I got a text this morning "I'm sick of you nagging about b/day and christmas. I'm not bothered about either spend your money on the children."
Shall I do it? not get him anything at all?

OP posts:

NorfolkBroad · 24/10/2011 21:50

i think it is a bit sad but totally understand. My dad is the same as this, he has everything he needs etc, etc. Weirdly he is pretty good at picking out presents for other people. I still buy him presents though and he generally likes them. I try to get him something practical.

FrankNCock · 24/10/2011 21:51

Don't buy him anything. DH and I don't get each other birthday or Christmas presents.

I'd rather buy someone a present because I saw it and thought they'd like it, rather than it's-an-occasion-I-MUST-buy-something. Too much consumerism and materialism in our society anyway.

wherearemysocks · 24/10/2011 21:52

If he really doesn't want anything then how about doing something nice for him, a homemade card and breakfast in bed maybe?

Original poster

onlygirl · 24/10/2011 21:54

I have thought this to be honest but seriously if it were up to him nobody would get christmas presents.

OP posts:

GreenBlueRed · 24/10/2011 21:55

I hate it when dh goes on about presents for me. I hate being asked! If he can't think of anything I'd like without my help, I'd rather he didn't bother, but what I'd really like is for him to come up with a nice idea on his own. It doesn't feel like a present if I have to think of it myself, I might as well just go and buy myself something. So even if it's just a second hand novel from a charity shop, I'd be happy if he'd put some thought in to getting one he thought I'd like.

Anyway - maybe your DH is the same. Everyone likes a present, get him something, but don't talk to him about it any more.

GreenBlueRed · 24/10/2011 21:56

Obviously, he may just be a grump, in which case maybe you want to take him up on his offer of not bothering!

fuzzynavel · 24/10/2011 21:56

Is his name scrooge? Think he's a bit of a grouch to be honest.

Original poster

onlygirl · 24/10/2011 21:57

Perhaps you are right wherearemysocks that's a good idea.

OP posts:

wicketkeeper · 24/10/2011 21:58

Why do you need him to tell you what to get? Birthdays and Christmas are about surprise, and about someone caring enough to work out what would please you without having to ask you.

I see his request for you to stop nagging is really a way of saying 'Look, work it out for yourself. It's my birthday, why should I have to tell you what to get.'

So, step up to the plate,

purplewerepidj · 24/10/2011 21:59

When my mum was going through the menopause she was a moody fucking baggage quite hard to please. One year, my long-suffering dad wrapped up a massive box of Crunchy Nut cornflakes for her and put it under the Christmas tree (she loved it and made more of an effort after that )

Could you do something similar to show that you care enough to get him a present but respect his wishes that he doesn't want anything fancy?

wicketkeeper · 24/10/2011 22:00

ahem

and take a risk - have a really good think about what he would like. And then get it for him.

FredFredGeorge · 24/10/2011 22:04

Please don't get him anything, YABU to pester him a bit about wanting something, but YABVU if you ignore his wishes when he's had plenty of chances to say he wants something. Not everyone wants or likes presents, and the breakfast in bed and card could be just as irritating (but might not be if the root of the issue is financial rather than simply the gift)

Whilst I can just about manage to put on a happy face and be gracious about a gift from someone who barely knows him, if my DP started ignoring my wishes I'd probably not be gracious at all.

NorfolkBroad Hope your dad really does like them - and he's not just being polite every year!

notlettingthefearshow · 24/10/2011 22:05

I think he's made it clear he doesn't want anything. You should respect that and just do something he will appreciate, like make a cake or get the kids to do something.

My DH is like that sometimes - if there's something he wants, he will say, but if not he genuinely doesn't want anything. He doesn't like being given tat that other people think he should want. Whereas me ... I love the tat!

FredFredGeorge · 24/10/2011 22:06

Ooops... YANBU to pester him a bit about wanting something

Original poster

onlygirl · 24/10/2011 22:09

I'm going to have to have a really good think, I just wanted him to say something along the lines of, yeah i'd love to go to somewhere and see something or do something!!! Just for a change

OP posts:

carabos · 24/10/2011 22:09

I think the best gift you could give him is to listen to what he says and give him what he wants (nothing) rather than what you think he should have.

stealthsquiggle · 24/10/2011 22:13

Definitely don't get him anything expensive - if you have money put aside for it, put it in a holiday fund for next year or something - but definitely get him something small, and something from the DC, and get them to make him card/banner/breakfast in bed.

Original poster

onlygirl · 24/10/2011 22:16

stealth, that is a good idea about putting the money away!

OP posts:

FairhairedandFrustrated · 24/10/2011 22:22

I hate having to choose my own present.

I'd rather dh chose something that he might think i'd like. I love pilgrim jewellery, I had a Pandora bracelet (lots of ideas for charms etc) so I hate having to tell him!

let's ignore the fact that the last time he did that I asked what it was [hwink]

aldiwhore · 24/10/2011 23:37

My DH prefers a gesture than a gift, could be anything really, 2 hours peace one afternoon, a trip to the zoo withthe kids 'for daddy's birthday', a blow job handmade card...

I can guaruntee though that at some point throughout the year DH will mention something he'd rather like, and I have to furiously make a note of it, buy it, stash it for Christmas/birthdays. I can't NOT buy a gift, he doesn't want one. I MUST HAVE at least one gift, I LOVE gifts, don't even care what's in them (within reason) so DH humours me, and I humour him.

I NEVER ask him what he'd like more than 1 month before his birthday/christmas, and if the answer is 'nothing' I don't ask again!

Get him nothing, but give him something.

mollschambers · 24/10/2011 23:46

I always tell DH not to bother. He always spends a small fortune on nice things that i neither need nor want. I smile sweetly and say thank you but I really truly do mean it when I say I don't want or need anything. He doesn't think I mean it and is convinced i'll be cross/disappointed/upset or something. I really won't be.

cat64 · 25/10/2011 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tallwivghoulies · 25/10/2011 01:03

Are you not tempted to just Do Absolutely Nothing?

I get the feeling he wouldn't make a special effort for you...

Kick him up the arse.

frutilla · 25/10/2011 01:16

Nothing to buy round my neck of the woods so we just get some cheap tat from the local minimart and are very happy with it! Nice to have something to unwrap, chocolate is always welcome, t-shirts, boxers or socks may not be thrilling but will be worn. Sometimes I have been given things I needed for the house eg dustpan and brush (not easy to find in my part of Latin America), pyrex measuring jug, DH wanted a glass cutter! That only cost me a couple of pounds....we like to tease each other about who is the tightest...

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 25/10/2011 02:07

What a charming text.
What does he do about your birthday and Christmas presents?
How about buying him a goat or a leopard or a few trees, or some such charitable donation?

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