So........is it socially unacceptable to have more than two children these days?

[electra]

I have three. I have one friend in particular who has regularly makes snippy comments about how many more am I going to push out.

Recently I took dd3 to the GP and dd2 was with us. The GP is one I have known for years but have not seen for a while. She looked at dd3, looked at dd2 and back again. And then looked at me and said

'So....how many have you got now??

Do the rest of you encounter this? Is it worse if you're a lone parent perhaps?!

I have had 4 and fuck it, I'll worry about the environment when big business stops polluting the seas etc. My 4 kids are a drop in the ocean compared to all the damage caused by big business and politicians. I bet the 'worthy' childless, who lecture others about responsibility to the environment, still go on holiday and enjoy all the benefits of a western, environmentally unfriendly lifestyle.

The world needs children - they are the doctors, farmers, shop workers, care home assistants etc that the environmentally conscious child less will be relying upon in years to come. When they are dribbling into their soup in the old peoples home, it will be someone else's offspring wiping their chins!

DH & I were shopping about 2 weeks ago and some strange man and his wife said to us "TWO children? You're brave!"

Now... clearly it could simply be a slam on us.

But seriously... shock at two?!?! We smiled politely and said "Yes, we only brought our youngest - we have four children." Not subtle, us. They scurried away with a horrified look.

People are odd.

I have 5DC. I got comments after I had 4 (3&4 were twins so no experience of having 3) but not really bad ones just things like 'you are done now aren't you' etc. I was worried about people's reaction to number 5 but nothing so far athough some people do stare. When we went to Spain the apartment cleaner did a doube take and couldn't believe there were 'so many' of us, not sure if it is more unsual over there?

Karma I agree with your first para but not entirely with the second one (which seems just a rudely put as some of the comments people with larger families object to).

I've noticed that 4 is the desirable number round us, but it's more that in order to be able to provide the middle class lifestyle, including private education being an option, you need your DH to be earning a lot to fund 4 DCs, the big house, big car, the SAHM etc. It's something of a status symbol - that or they want the 4x4 and are filling the seats...

Personally, I want 3, it feels like a nice number, but I know it'll mean a much reduced lifestyle for us, makes private schools out of the question, means we'll have to buy a bigger car, so probably would only be able to run one big car rather than 2 small ones, holidays will be fewer, treats less and childcare costs will mean I'll bring home less than I'm paying out in childcare with 3 (I'll break even with 2). I can see I might end up stopping at 2 because of that.

I agree amongst some 4/5 is the proof of wealth. Becomes easier for the SAHM once they are packed off to boarding school at 7 or 13. Private schools love them all those fees for years and years. Sibling discounts tiny.

No it's not socislally unacceptable.

Why did you react so sensitively to such a run of the mill comment?

I only have two and get comments like that from FAMILY let alone friends! Folk are daft, I wouldn't worry about it. I can't wait to hear the reactions when they found out I'm carrying number 3!

I am forever being asked when I'm having another, and I have two. Mostly I'm asked when I'm going to try for a girl, I have two boys. I just ignore it and will do until I can think of something snippy and witty as a retort!

People have been making these types of comments for years though, to be fair.

When you're dating, it's "when are you getting married?"
When you're married (often at the wedding ), it's "when are you having children?"
When you've had a couple children, it's either "when are you having more?" or "when are you going to stop having children?"

This has been going on since I was a child - I remember my mum ranting about it when she was out with the 4 of us children. So nothing new.. I imagine it will continue forever....

We have two. dd was my 5th pg. My only regret is not having the courage to try for third.

Juuule, in my defence, I would only be that rude to the sort of smug people who think it is perfectly acceptable to lecture other people about the number of children they choose to have.

“Looking across the world at present it is obvious to anybody with even slight biological knowledge that human numbers are out of balance.”
— Aubrey Manning OBE FRSE FIBiol, Emeritus Professor of Natural History, University of Edinburgh & Population Matters patron

I'm guilty of thinking that people with lots of kids are either pretty wealthy or pretty poor. Either way, I think it's madness

A 28-year old told me he had six, and "yes, we do know what's causing it."

When this thread was written I had three, I have seven now just get the tv and super mum comments nothing negative.

Meh, I have 3 and so do many of my friends. One has 4 and one has 8. I've never been judged that I've noticed.

Birth-rate is not the the direct cause of population increase at the moment. The number of people being born each year peaked in the late 80's (I think) and is now stable at a slightly lower level. The reason that world population is going to increase from 7 billion and eventually stabilise at 11 is because the death rate is decreasing, longevity in poorer countries is catching up with that in richer ones.

Zombie.

Yes I think in some circles it is becoming more socially unacceptable. When the government decided that they would only provide certain benefits for the first two children I read many comments on Mn written by people who clearly felt having more that two children was something to look at scornfully.
I have four children and after the last one was born someone said to me 'keep your legs closed from now on'

I have had mostly the good 'how do you manage' comments but in a kind of admiring way. The few negative comments I have had have been from people with no children (by choice). I have a friend who has an only child and is always being asked when she will have another!

Oddly, the only person I ever encountered this with was my mother. After I'd had DC2, I remember her saying to a family friend in my presence "That's the lot, we've decided" - though she had never so much as discussed it with me and in any event I wouldn't have regarded it as any of her business. When I became pregnant with DC3, she went rather peculiar and. having been pretty supportive for the previous pregnancies, she did her utmost to avoid being around at the time of the birth, and refused to look after the older children even when I was called into hospital with high blood pressure. She did come round to DC3 eventually, not least because my father didn't subscribe to any of it.

I wouldn't mind, but she had three children herself

They'd love one of my neighbours - she's got 14 children

I think it is becoming that way. People are more aware than ever of the environmental impact of larger than average families and the cost to tax payers not just in NHS/education but benefits that many will be claiming.

Parental wise, there's a very fine balance when having numerous children as to time spent with them, their own space, being dragged around to things with the others etc. Most people I know raised in a large family have all chosen to limit theirs due to their own experiences.

I don't have dc but several members of my family have 3 children and i am fairly sure they have never experienced this, in fact I am amazed and baffled that anyone would make that kind of comment. The only person I know whose pregnancies cause raised eyebrows has seven, and even then people are only joking.