buying presents for parents for christmas

[Nanny01]

I bought a joint present for my parents a kindle. I normally buy presents for every one and try to spend equally on every one. This year I know my parents would love a kindle and since it is something they can share 70 pounds isn't over the top as they are both having the same spent.

Dh was really upset with me as he said he wants to buy his mother one and I said we cant spend 70 odd pounds on one person even though she is a widow. I never indulge my parents so actually they are having less than 40 spent on each. If mil gets 70 spent on her I would feel uncomfortable about it. We are expecting a new baby literally the week after Christmas.

MIL had an ipod nano last year when my parents got very little from us and watched her open it. I just tell my parents she needs to have stuff to open as her dh is dead. They are ok about and understand she is materialistic about stuff. If we don't get her the kindle what could I get for her instead for 40 or would you just get the kindle and just tell my parents that equality isn't important as she needs her stuff. As you can hear, I do feel the need to be fair one year she had loads more presents than the whole family ( to help her distract her self over her loss) but I don't believe it will make her happier she has more money than us as there is only her and spends it mostly on her self. I am suggesting this year they they don't need to buy loads for the kids as I know we are all strapped for cash.

So the options do what dh wants and have no arguments but know my parents will share a present while she gets more than every one else.

or
suggest an alternative but a present equal in price.

I don't work but until now I have never felt that I contribute less to the house I feel rubbish as I just want to be fair why should I be able to buy less for my parents just because I don't contribute financially. Never felt like this before. Equally if it makes dh feel better is that the right thing. Dh and his mum associate more presents better I feel equality is important as we have to buy for 9 people so if we spend more on 1 person there will be less for others or it contributes to the over spend we have at Christmas.

Zukie-can you change your phone number, & burn any correspendence from them?

Or would they then visit?

These grown ups need a lesson in not being selfish and materialistic. I would give donations to Oxfam Unwrapped. With the money you save not buying 2 kindles, you could train 4 teachers in Africa, which would give the gift of learning to read to hundreds of children.
I love indulgence and getting people luxurious fun presents, but these people don't sound like they deserve or know how to appreciate anything.

Well, you don´t have to let them in...

But I´m sure it´s all easier said than done.

It´s so very odd (to me) that if they don´t like/get on with you-why go to the effort of visiting?

I hope you manage to move away soon.

Re Christmas-perhaps you could just say no & then hang up & unplug the phone?
Or write to them saying it won´t happen this year?

Do you at least have caller ID so that you don´t answer if you don´t feel up to it or can at least steel yourself to take the call?

zukiecat what a nightmare.

i think it's whether you want to keep up the pretence that they're your parents so you love and respect them or openly show that you no longer want a relationship with them.

it would be awful, but you are entirely within your rights to refuse them entry into your house. call 999 if necessary.

they sound so horrific that i could understand you totally cutting them out (and the rest of your family - they sound as bad). i'm not sure that i would be able to withstand the onslaught and going as far as calling the police because emotionally i'd still have some hope that they might change.

just so fucking awful to have such incredibly dreadful parents.

Nanny01 - if you still have the Kindle am very inclined to suggest you wrap it and give it to your parents now! As you say, it is a thank you gift - so you don't have to wait till Dec 25 to give it. Then at Christmas you could just stick to something inexpensive but meaningful.
As someone else has said I wonder if the hitting issue needs to be addressed - have you shared this with someone else apart from your DH? Would your parents be able to handle it if you told them? (pardon me if you've mentioned elsewhere that you have already told them).

Thanks to NoOnes for finding the paragraph - funny, I can find it easily now that someone's pointed it out. Glitch in my eyesight, then, ;-)

Thanks to the other posters who mentioned the Lidl and Ikea ginerbread houses - I now make my own (well, I don't make the smarties and jelly beans, just the gingerbread and icing). The one the local grocer had was good because it was all included in the one (just had to wrap one box to give as the present) and within walking distance - I reckon I saved £4 in parking and petrol alone; I'm miles and miles away from Lidl or Ikea . The DNs are now into books (thank you Amazon and BookDepository) - at last!