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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not go to DH's family get together since DH can't make it?

46 replies

NickNacks · 22/10/2011 09:12

Really, really don't know what to do.

DH's aunt has invited us to Sunday lunch in a few weeks time along with his dad, grandad, siblings etc.

Originally we said yes but now DH can't go as he has to work and I need to call and let her know. I really want to say that since he won't be going, then I won't either but WIBU to do so?

We have DC's who are the only ones in the family. It is extremely stressful since his Aunt's house is not geared up for children (she never had kids-, think cream carpets, lots and lots of delicate ornaments in toddler reach) plus I'd have to cart a lot of stuff over there (high chair, travel cot). I really dread the thought of doing it alone when it's just about bearable with DH there.

So shoot- AIBU? I will go with the majority.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 22/10/2011 09:16

Why do you need that much stuff when you are only visiting for dinner? When I had young kids I'd just take the child and a changing bag with spare clothes and nappies.

Children can manage without a travel cot and high chair you know.

academyblues · 22/10/2011 09:16

YANBU. Your dh needs to call, explain that he is working, apologise profusely and arrange another date.

academyblues · 22/10/2011 09:17

Presumably one of the children is young enough to possibly need a nap, Fabby.

Surely OP is entitled to take whatever garb she wishes with her when she leaves the house?

Megatron · 22/10/2011 09:18

I would go. DH frequently can't go to family get togethers because of work but I still go along with the DCs if I can. They may get on my wick sometimes but they're my family too now and I want the DCs to know all of their family. It's only for lunch and I'm sure your DCs will manage without a high chair or cot for that time.

Original poster
NickNacks · 22/10/2011 09:21

DD has a nap after lunch for about 2.5hrs and isn't a 'cuddle to sleep' baby. She is 14mths and so no way she can sit on a chair at the table at eat. So yes I do need those things.

OP posts:
Original poster
NickNacks · 22/10/2011 09:23

We have been asked to arrive at 11am for a 1pm lunch (which usually means at least 2pm IME). I imagine we wouldn't be able to leave until around 4 or 5pm.

OP posts:
CantBelieveImAskingThis · 22/10/2011 09:24

YABU. You should go. But your DH should be the one phoning the aunt if you both decide not to go.

FabbyChic · 22/10/2011 09:24

Why cant the 14 month old nap in the pushchair? In my day there werent any of this accessories, and you just took the baby out.

Megatron · 22/10/2011 09:26

Don't you think that's manageable though? Especially if your DD will be asleep quite some time. If you don't want to go then don't go, I know there's nothing worse than being somewhere you don't want to be and I guess taking these things would be a bit of a pain. My kids love a get together though so I try to grin and bear it! Smile

scarevola · 22/10/2011 09:27

I would go.

You will be surrounded by your DC's blood relations who will be delighted to see them, and who can be ruthlessly enrolled to help out with them.

Original poster
NickNacks · 22/10/2011 09:33

Hmm looks like I'm going.

You're right I don't want to go. They are all perfectly nice but the only one I have somehting in common with is SIL and we meet up all the time. I can't see DH going to mine if I couldn't make it. But I'm sure the DC's will enjoy it and get spoilt.

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 22/10/2011 09:36

Why isn't your husband able to call them himself?

Original poster
NickNacks · 22/10/2011 09:38

Oh he is able to call but he is working today and tomorrow so I thought I should so we were giving plenty of notice.

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 22/10/2011 09:43

but it's in a few weeks time, get him to call them on his mobile or when he's at home. I wouldn't be happy to have to be the one doing the calling. I don't even know DH's dad's phone number though.

cjbartlett · 22/10/2011 09:47

So how many childrendo you have?
The 14 month old ca sit on someone's lap to be fed
Can nap in pushchair or in the car on the way home

Georgimama · 22/10/2011 09:51

I would go - they are your children's family not just DH's.

plupervert · 22/10/2011 09:59

Also, if the meal is that late, you might have to feed your children separately first (or warn them that you will do this). This will (a) keep them from going spare and (b) start to give the relatives a bit of an idea of the manpower needed to host the children in a cream-and-delicates environment such as the aunt's house! After you've visibly made the effort without your DH, they should be more understanding about letting you off the hook if he is not able to make it again! (if they don't think of it themselves, you can "remind" based on this visit!).

Howzat?

Alexironingboard · 22/10/2011 09:59

I would not go.
Raincheck for when your OH can make it - maybe at your house?
DH should ring to cancel.

Alexironingboard · 22/10/2011 10:04

Oh I loved having my DS's travel cot and found it very useful. We also kept a cheap and cheerful Ikea highchair in the boot of the car. The legs came off and it was light and easy to store. You can get by without them but I found both very useful. Feeding my son at that age was very messy and the buggy would have been a state.

It is easier to get by without these things in a relaxed environment.

Original poster
NickNacks · 22/10/2011 10:11

I have 3 children. Older ones are no trouble but accidents happen and I will be a nervous wreck with drink spills and knocking things over. Grin

DD feeds herself so sitting on my lap would tricky and messy. I will go but take the things I need and delegate enlist as much help as i can.

DH won't have a problem calling her (in case anyone thought he was passing the buck to me) I just thought I would call today to get it done.

OP posts:
MrsJohnDeere · 22/10/2011 10:15

Go, or get dh to phone asap and see if they can change the date?

edwardcullensotherwerewolf · 22/10/2011 10:22

If it was me I wouldn't feel comfortable being there without DH, especially with 3 dc in a non-dc household!

If you are going to go, maybe ask one of his siblings/his dad (although I assume at least one of them will be taking grandad?) to come over to help you load/unload and maybe travel with you in DH's place?

Good luck and have a great time!

nickelbabe · 22/10/2011 10:27

I can see where you're coming from - I would hate to go on my own to DH's family's house.
But then, that's because I'm a shy, anti-social type.
I think i would bite the bullet and go, though.

Maybe you could take a sleeping bag or something smaller than a travel cot?

blackeyedsusan · 22/10/2011 10:34

i would rearrange for when dh is there. the 14 month old in a child unfriendly household will need all your attention.

diddl · 22/10/2011 10:43

I would say it depends how you get on with them tbh.

For me, I can´t think of anything much worse.