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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think my 5yr old shouldn't be pushed around by teaching staff

410 replies

youcantparkthatthere · 21/10/2011 10:50

Hi First post, this has been niggling away at me for a week now. I recently attended a ceremony and my sons school which was been held in the local church. He is in a class of perhaps 16 children. As I watched the children file in I became increasingly annoyed at how one of the teaching staff was manging the children. it was clearly the childrens first time at one of these events and they were understandably unsure of what to do. Some of the children were going into the pew in front of or behind the one the teacher wanted them to go in. However the teacher/TA's response to this was to repeatedly, and IMO, too roughly take hold of the children and physically direct them into their intended seats. We're not talking here about a guiding hand on their shoulders, more like two hands firmly on their shoulders abruptly turning them in the desired direction and pushing them into their intended place.
To me this is quite clearly using physical force to get a child to comply with instruction, as distinct from a reassuring physical guidance. In my line of work, social worker, this would be considered a breach of the children's act and consequently illegal. Similiarly if any of the staff I managed conducted themselves in this way, I would at the very least be forced to issue them with a formal warning.
I'm not a bleeding heart liberal, I believe children need very clear mangement and a sense of no meaning no, (along with yes meaning yes, i.e. keeping promises etc). The main thing that is getting to me is the fact that I'm sure the school would discourage the children behaving like this to one another, so the adults should be modelling this in their own behaviour.
I feel I need to speak to the headteacher but I'm worried this will either be blown out of proportion or minimised. I also dont want my son standing out in a small school as the child whose Dad interferes/overreacts.
Any thoughts. It pisses me of that people think they can negate childrens right to respect and civility just because their small.
In the spirit of fairness I should declare that I find the woman in question very cold and somewhat abrupt with the children, in stark contrast to the rest of the school team, (wholly unsuited to her job imho!)Sorry if too long.

OP posts:
TheTenantOfWildfellHall · 21/10/2011 11:08

I'm a teacher and I've done this very thing.

There's a very good reason for it.

5 year old children respond a lot better to this type of physical guiding than a quiet, "would you mind sitting along here?"

They also prefer it because in their heads they are in a strange place, and aren't sure if they should be scared or not; they are looking for mummy; they are trying to decide whether they need a wee or not despite having just gone for one before they left school; they aren't following the teacher's instructions because they've forgotten what they were; they are distracted by a lot of extra sights and sounds; they can't see where their best friend is; what's that big carved bird for?; what's behind that curtain?; I still can't see my mummy?; that person smells funny; that person looks like grandma; are we going to miss playtime?; what about milk and a snack?; it's cold in here ...

They don't want to have to make sense of more verbal stuff from the teacher, they want to be facing the right way and walking in the right direction.

Not only that, but church floors are quite often uneven and pews quite narrow. This way, you avoid someone tripping over and having a pile up because everyone behind them is pre-occupied with the above and haven't processed what happened and responded quickly enough.

LeBOOOf · 21/10/2011 11:08

You'll be the first to know, pip.

ShirleyKnot · 21/10/2011 11:09

It.

wait. what? I

um

TheTenantOfWildfellHall · 21/10/2011 11:09

missed second post. Angry

snice · 21/10/2011 11:10

Tenant I love the fact that as a teacher you've ignored all the sniggering at the back of the class and answered the question properly Grin

ShirleyKnot · 21/10/2011 11:10

Your post was brilliant Tenant.

nickschic · 21/10/2011 11:10

Was your ds upset?

Generally its my experience that the stricter teaching assistants are the most loved.

Church and 5 year olds are a bit complex.

LeBOOOf · 21/10/2011 11:10

Shirley can touch me there. No bums though.

ShirleyKnot · 21/10/2011 11:11

Yeah. Who was that saying they didn't want me to finger their bum? Hully wasn't it?

I wsa offering fanny fingering. The idiot.

worraliberty · 21/10/2011 11:12

Clearly the OP has never helped out on a school trip

If she had, she'd be emailing the authorities calling for electric cattle prods Grin

AFuckingKnackeredWoman · 21/10/2011 11:12

piprabbit[hgrin]

She not really wrenching there arms off and flinging them into the pew though is she?
Trying to get a bunch of distracted kids into a seat is hard a nudge in the right direction is fine.

The fact you find her 'very cold and somewhat abrupt with the children' and 'wholly unsuited to her job' Is a bit unnecessary though, just because you don't like her doesn't mean she is shit at her job

Voidka · 21/10/2011 11:14

I needed a bloody good cheer up
This thread has done the trick!

Georgimama · 21/10/2011 11:15

YABU. Obviously the HT needs to say "we grownups have been talking...."

CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/10/2011 11:15

Be honest. Did this actually happen or were you listening to an episode of 'Clare in the Community'?

Hullygully · 21/10/2011 11:15

Well I agree with you op. They shouldn't be taken to church, it's unnatural to push them around and make them scared of a big beardy man in the sky who is always watching them and knows everything they do and wants to have a close and personal relationship with them.

I'd definitely be addressing that with teh school.

GladbagsAndYourHandrags · 21/10/2011 11:16

You haven't mentioned any of the children being upset/hurt etc so I think YABU.

"we will only touch you if you need help to feel better about something or if you are doing something dangerous to yourself or somebody else"

School doesn't work like this. Children at our school are regularly physically pointed in the right direction - theres a lot of them, its a noisy bustly place, and they need to be in the right place. Otherwise you have chaos. And the children don't mind being put in the right place do they?

LeBOOOf · 21/10/2011 11:16

Perhaps the grownup talking should hold a conch while they speak too?

AuntiePickleBottom · 21/10/2011 11:16

op...get on the PTA and help with the trips.

DS was made to hold a girls hand on his trip this week, i think i should put in a complaint for him being touch by another child :)

Hullygully · 21/10/2011 11:17

No, Boffy because conches are actually really large and heavy. What if the teacher dropped it on one of the kiddy's toes?

NorksAkimbo · 21/10/2011 11:17

Clearly the OP has never helped out on a school trip

If she had, she'd be emailing the authorities calling for electric cattle prods

[hgrin] Bloody too right!

worraliberty · 21/10/2011 11:18

To be fair

Perhaps the OP is a little tense because her entry is too big?

SuePurblybiltFromBitsofCorpses · 21/10/2011 11:18

Hully. He wants you for a sunbeam, you do know that, right?

snice · 21/10/2011 11:19

they could have a talking stick and workshop the idea with the reception class

ShirleyKnot · 21/10/2011 11:19

I think the grown up teacher lady should hold a Native American "talking stick" and then when she's holding the stick everyone has to shush and then when someone else speaks they can pass over the talking stick.

and smoke drugz

ShirleyKnot · 21/10/2011 11:19

great minds snice