Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect "nut free" school to actually be

118 replies

Booper13 · 20/10/2011 20:21

DS1 (who has a nut allergy - Epi pens etc) has started in reception this year, in a lovely school which we were assured was a nut free zone.
PTA had a cake sale this week and the flyers to ask parents to bake did NOT request/remind people to avoid nuts/nut products.
I raised this with a member of the PTA, requesting that it could perhaps be included in future. She said that she would mention it at the next meeting and that they may consider asking people to clearly label anything containing nuts. I said that would be great, but technically as school is "nut free zone" maybe nuts could just be avoided. She didn't seem to like this and said cake sale is "technically not the school". IMO as it is the parents & kids making/buying the cakes and is on the school premises, it IS the school.
Obviously I am aware that people may say that I just shouldn't allow DS to get anything from the cake sale, but I feel that he shouldn't have to miss out when the school professes to be nut free.
What do you think? Is it really that big a sacrafice for people to make things without nuts? There is another child in the school who also has a nut allergy.
Am IBU to pursue this?

OP posts:
Stupify64 · 21/10/2011 01:41

That said DS2 has had Chrohn's disease since he was about 7; went thru a 12 month period when he had nothing but allergen-free formula. Obv we hoped that this was for a limited time, but I wouldn't have expected that his classmates omit the things that they'd enjoy just because he couldn't join in.

whatever117 · 21/10/2011 01:43

It is not a nut free world!

Stupify64 · 21/10/2011 03:08

Erm no, it's not: I think that's the crux of the problem & the point of the OP, or as a beginner have I missed something.?

BlameItOnTheBogey · 21/10/2011 04:27

I only got as far as the bit where someone said that dairy allergies are not as serious a nut allergies. This makes me weep. DD has a potentially fatal allergy to milk (epipens etc). I hate that people think nuts somehow trumps this in the danger stakes. What on earth can we do to change this attitude?

OP, sorry but I think that for those of us whose DCs have allergies, it's a way of life to accept that you need to approach these things differently. AGree with the suggestion that you bake cakes for him to eat.

stepmad · 21/10/2011 05:03

we have bake sales i tend to make stuff that charge can have no nuts or eggs milk save one in my bag for her with a special harbio on top. As by the time that i collected her from her class room the rest of the tray has sold out

libelulle · 21/10/2011 06:07

Blameit I know; my jaw just dropped. I think it's widespread, terrifyingly. People keep asking me about dds dairy 'intolerance'. Ffs it isn't intolerance, it's allergy. Her throat and lips swell up, is that good enough for people? No one would talk about nut intolerance! And I've had intelligent people assure me a cake is dairy free, then when probed further say it actually has butter in, and muse that 'duh, oh yeah, butter is dairy isn't it, hahaha'. Hilarious Hmm

WitchesBrewIsMyFriend · 21/10/2011 08:04

maybe those who suffer from serious allergies to dairy/wheat/eggs/nuts could post some recipes for cakes that their DC can eat.

libelulle I have heard and know people with gluten/nut/egg allergy but had only heard of dairy intolerance, until recently when I learned about dairy allergy. Sadly, it isnt as well known as the other mentioned 'allergens' and more should be done to educate people about dairy allergy. Its just that they do not realise that this is a potential killer to some people.

epicfail · 21/10/2011 09:09

At our School Fairs, all homemade cakes and biscuits must be labeled with a full list of ingredients.
This is a good solution, as it enables someone like my 16yo daughter, who has a nut allergy, to establish whether or not she can eat said items.

Not foolproof of course, but helpful.

KittyFane · 21/10/2011 09:25

Booper- There is also a child in the school with a gluten intolerance and a few people bake gluten free cakes to accommodate this.

But nobody makes your DC special cakes? I think this bothers you OP.
In the interests of equality, should it be school policy to provide, at every cake fair : gluten, nut, egg free cakes?
maybe some of these and then everyone will be happy :(

babybarrister · 21/10/2011 10:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

valiumredhead · 21/10/2011 11:24

YABU

Ds has a cake sale today and I made nut free cakes to send in so he had something to buy. Even if someone said it was nut free I wouldn't trust a cake from a cake stall and neither would ds. He has to learn that there are things he can't have - tough but true.

It is not a nut free world and banning nuts imo is the fastest way to lull people into a false sense of security.

MothershipG · 21/10/2011 11:24

I also think YABU, realistically even if the PTA did every thing you asked you still wouldn't be able to get your son a cake from the sale because you couldn't be sure that the person who baked/bought that particular cake had got the message, so there isn't really any point, is there?

My DD's friends, who have a variety of allergies between them, to a greater or lesser extent, have all had to get used to this and their parents use various ways to compensate them.

Also there are the vegetarian kids that can't have the packets of chewy sweets that get handed around for birthdays, others that can't have things for religious reasons etc. I'm sorry your son has an allergy but as other posters have pointed out he will have to learn to deal with it and all you can do is support him and compensate him when he has to miss out.

porcamiseria · 21/10/2011 11:26

we cannot have a nut free world, sorry

AuntiePickleBottom · 21/10/2011 11:40

i make cakes in a food proccesor, but thinking about it i also do alot of recipes in there.

i can not guarentee that the cake, even if there is no nuts in there wouldn't have traces.

ds school, no home made cakes are allowed

pigletmania · 21/10/2011 12:37

Mummy what is going to happen when your dc grows up and goes to work and is in society more, you canno guarantee complete safety from nuts it would be impossible and unreasonable. No at school you cannot guarantee that every child has not been in contact with nuts at home.

mummytime · 21/10/2011 13:11

My Kids do no have nut allergies!!! If they did I would have taught them not to eat cakes made by anyone unless we knew they were nut free (I would also be at Addenbrookes trying to get onto that program of controlled desensitization).

However for my kids I think it is important that they are taught that others have life threatening allergies (or other health issues) and that they need to think about those. Its about being a good member of society (and probably why I like their schools).

Likeaninjanow · 21/10/2011 13:21

Another one horrified at the lack of understanding on this thread! Ds2 is anaphylactic to dairy, eggs, nuts & peanuts. He's severelyallergic to other foods too, but not to a life threatening extent. We've found it much harder to manage the dairy and egg allergies than the nut allergy.

It is my responsibility to teach him to understand that he cannot eat the same as everyone else. If there's to be a cake stall, he doesn't have any or I make one specially. There's no way I'd expect the school to do it.

fuzzynavel · 21/10/2011 13:29

YABU

My DS has severe nut allergy and epi-pen. Always felt it was my job to teach him what he could and couldn't have.

notfarmingatthemo · 21/10/2011 14:45

YABU my daughter was intolerant to dairy and wheat. For cake sales I would bake some that she could eat label them really well. I got to know the other mums selling the cakes they only put out the ones she could eat just as her class were coming in. I also sent her with a spare one in a box that her teacher had so she could 'buy' it if they had run out.
Other mums will not get the know nuts things. You can only really trust other mums with the same allergy. In my dd's school many don't speak or read English so wouldn't rely on them getting it.
You could also get to know a few mums that you can trust to bake nut free

Whatmeworry · 21/10/2011 15:18

My kids are not nut allergic, so we eat nuts at home and I am not familiar with all the nut risk practices, nut-foods-that-are-not-labelled etc etc.

Thus I don't think it would be a good idea to entrust a dangerously nut allergic child to my ability to work out what I should and shouldn't put in a cake for a PTA.

Not only that, but I do not want the obligation to be so beholden, as at the end of the day it is not my problem and I have a lot of other things to juggle that are my problems - so as far as baking a PTA cake is concerned, its my way or the highway.

HappyMummyOfOne · 21/10/2011 15:43

YABU, do you have any idea of the length the PTA go to to raise funds without having to centre everything around what you want? What happens is somebody ignores the nut warning - do you blame the PTA.

You need to take responsibility not others.

CardyMow · 21/10/2011 18:02

My DS's primary insists on bake-sale goods being nut free - and also asks if some people can bake some gluten-free, some dairy free and some egg-free cakes. So that every dc that has severe allergies can also be included in the bake sale. They are also careful about cross-contamination now. There were a few problems about 3 years ago - because that reception year, four dc with severe nut allergies started, my DS1 was dxd gluten-intolerant, and another child started that is egg and dairy allergic - all in one term! The school have got used to it now though, and make sure that even bake-sales are inclusive.

CardyMow · 21/10/2011 18:05

In response to the person saying about vegetarians being unable to eat chewy sweets given out on birthdays - we are asked to provide a birthday sweet with no gelatine in. And the teachers keep a box of 'safe' treats for the allergic dc in case another parent has forgotten about allergies / vegetarianism - so no dc misses out.

mintyneb · 21/10/2011 18:26

booper, i dislike nut bans for all sorts of reasons but one of the main ones is it that they perpetuate the myth that ONLY nuts can be responsible for deaths. babybarrister has provided several references in this thread to show that this is not the case.

You say that you are not too worried about 'may contain traces of nuts' warnings as your DS is not that allergic. My 4yo DD is allergic to dairy and had her first anaphylactic reaction this summer after eating a bread roll that looked like it had a glazing of milk on top of it - just a 'trace' really. Within a few minutes her eyes and lips had swollen up, her thoat was closing and she started having difficulty in breathing. Luckily we had the appropriate medication (including epipens) with us but it was an extremely scary experience for all of us.

Yes, I agree that it is horrible for my DD not to join in with all her friends but that will happen every time chocolate is handed around, ice cream vans come calling, cakes and crisps and sausages etc are served up at parties. I hate the fact that she has to avoid so many normal childhood foods but I just have to deal with it. I always have dairy free treats with me, I make my own cakes and turn up at parties with a great goodie bag for her to tuck into.

I think you are being unreasonable to expect the school to cater for your DS every need and you are just as unreasonable to think that only nut allergies are serious. I do sympathise though with you for having to live with an allergy as they are c**p

Try and make your own cake in future, volunteer to man the cake stand at least once and that way you should be able to give your DS a cake that is safe to eat

Swipe left for the next trending thread