Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect "nut free" school to actually be

118 replies

Booper13 · 20/10/2011 20:21

DS1 (who has a nut allergy - Epi pens etc) has started in reception this year, in a lovely school which we were assured was a nut free zone.
PTA had a cake sale this week and the flyers to ask parents to bake did NOT request/remind people to avoid nuts/nut products.
I raised this with a member of the PTA, requesting that it could perhaps be included in future. She said that she would mention it at the next meeting and that they may consider asking people to clearly label anything containing nuts. I said that would be great, but technically as school is "nut free zone" maybe nuts could just be avoided. She didn't seem to like this and said cake sale is "technically not the school". IMO as it is the parents & kids making/buying the cakes and is on the school premises, it IS the school.
Obviously I am aware that people may say that I just shouldn't allow DS to get anything from the cake sale, but I feel that he shouldn't have to miss out when the school professes to be nut free.
What do you think? Is it really that big a sacrafice for people to make things without nuts? There is another child in the school who also has a nut allergy.
Am IBU to pursue this?

OP posts:
WitchesBrewIsMyFriend · 20/10/2011 21:27

At our Primary School the teachers used to escort the classes to cake sale day. That sorted out the 'scrum' situation.
Some people catered for gluten/dairy/nut allergy sufferers and listed ingredients in their cakes, most didnt.

It is just a sad fact that your DC will have to ask or take a cake that you have made. While I dont use nuts in most of my baking I still wouldnt be happy that something I baked was 100% nut free, just incase one of the ingredients came into contact with something nutty (apart from me) and an allergic child ate my cake and the parents sued me!

Hardgoing · 20/10/2011 21:32

Booper, it sounds like you are having a hard time accepting that not everyone in the allergy community thinks like you do about nut bans. I certainly don't object to having a separate table/section for nut allergy/gluten intolerance/dairy allergy/egg allergy, but I do think it is unrealistic of the school to have offered a nut-free zone and it is you that suggested that all us nut-eaters simply stop cooking cakes in with nuts as if it is very simple, but it's not, and most of us wouldn't want to have that responsibility. The responsibility does lie with you and you seem to be struggling with that.

BTW, my daughter had to miss cakes from the cake-sale today at school as she goes to after-school club and they don't let them buy them before going there. No biggie, I bought a couple and took them home to her. You seem primed for confrontation with the school, but perhaps reading BabyBarrister's thread on the debate about the wisdom of trying to enforce nut-free zones may be a better idea, then at least you can decide if it is a realistic goal to get upset about.

kaumana · 20/10/2011 21:37

I don't expect the world to change because of my allergy, I had to learn that my health was primarily up to me and I learned what food stuff/types to avoid inc cross contamination. It was challenging as I lived in the States for several years (land of the PB&J) as a child but I knew what to look out for.

It is obvious that you are very worried about your DS allergy but as much as we would like to wrap them in cotton wool it does them no favours, best to discuss from the get go and not pander to make them feel inc.

Hardgoing · 20/10/2011 21:41

By the way, I have never ever thought of marzipan as a nut-product. Duh.

You can't leave it up to parents as stupid as me.

Acekicker · 20/10/2011 21:46

The PTA ABU going against a school policy like that but to be honest the school should be sorting that out with them...

YABU unfortunately in expecting to buy and have your DS consume anything from a PTA bake sale if he has a serious allergy. Although my DS school is nut free (not at my request, they just always have been) I wouldn't ever let him eat anything home-made by someone else where I genuinely don't know who has made it/what went into it.

The drill in our house is I buy the smallest fairy cake or whatever, decline the change from £1 or however much most of the big cakes are going for and then when we get home the fairy cake gets swapped for a cake or other treat from DS 'swap box'.

cartblanche · 20/10/2011 21:47

Booper13 - you sound like you are getting angry and I get the frustration Sad but you have asked for advice and you are getting some! The fact is that you are getting advice from people who have real experience of living with an allergy either themselves or through their children - it's not random strangers saying "get a grip!" or "the world can't bend to accommodate you". I know that sometimes I feel people are tutting and rolling their eyes about "allergies" when I deign to mention my child is an awkward bastard has an allergy, but this is different. Try not to feel that your fears are being dismissed, they are not.

SoupDragon · 20/10/2011 21:52

People choosing to bake gluten free is their choice. I bet a good number choose to bake nut free too.

If you think parents should be told not to use nuts to accommodate your child plus one other, do you think they should be told to bake gluten free to accommodate the child who cannot eat gluten?

I always label my cakes with the common allergens if they have them in (egg, dairy, wheat). I don't bake for PTA events with nuts but my kitchen is not nut free.

QueenOfMuppets · 20/10/2011 22:01

YABU

My kitchen is not nut free- ground almonds and other nuts are stored in the same cupboard as sugar and other baking basics. Most people can't guarantee no nut traces even if there are no nuts in the cake. There's also a real possibility that someone might use an ingredient that they don't realise has nuts in it. Even if something is labelled as nut free you can't be certain it'll be OK if your DS's allergy is really that severe.

A bit harsh, but he'll have to get used to it.... along with all the other kids who have allergies/diabetes/whatever else may cause problems...

Acekicker · 20/10/2011 22:01

but I feel that he shouldn't have to miss out when the school professes to be nut free

Actually giving this a bit more thought...your DS does need to learn that he has to miss out, harsh though that sounds. Doing it with something like a PTA cake stall is probably quite a useful way to start to learn that lesson, especially if like for us you follow it up with a treat at home (ie it's delayed gratification Smile).

The reality is that as my DS gets older and has to become more responsible for his allergy and what he eats, he is going to have to miss out on things sometimes - yes it sucks, it's monstrously unfair and (once he was in bed) I sobbed as much as he did the time he missed out on birthday cakes someone had brought into Reception and was devastaed in the way only a 5 year old can be... But he is learning this lesson and he has to learn it now whilst me and his teachers are keeping him safe as otherwise there is no way he's going to be able to handle things when he's 15 and round a mate's house and someone gets out some Poppycock popcorn, mini-Snickers bars or whatever and there are no other snacks around...

Barcam · 20/10/2011 22:11

I would not trust something that was baked by anyone I didn't know to be completely free from nuts, even if it was labelled as such. Cross comtamination is so easy to happen, even usng cutlery that has been in contact with nut products could cause a reaction.

Angelico · 20/10/2011 22:11

YABU but I do have some sympathy. Our school is 'nut free' but frankly it's a nonsense. So many kids bring stuff in without having a clue what is in it. Unfortunately for your own sake the onus has to be on your son to learn what he can and can't safely eat.

I do think it's a good idea to send some nut free goodies in, even just to raise awareness of the whole thing in a nice way. PTA members are usually well-meaning souls who are giving up their time and effort for nothing more than a thank you. They may well change the leaflet next time but the reality is your son still shouldn't be taking the chance.

HildaOgden · 20/10/2011 22:12

I agree with CarteBlanche (a voice of reason!!).
As I said earlier,my kids actually have a life-threatening allergy to nuts,and rather than trust the management of that condition to others,I take responsibility for it myself.They dont eat cakes made by others,full stop.It is just not worth the risk.

You need to err on the side of caution,that's all.Even if the pta swear on a stack of bibles that the food doesn't contain an allergen,just send in a home made cake in the childs lunch box.They aren't discriminating against your child,you know.

As with any condition,the people who know best how to deal with it are the parents of the child who has it.Use this as a valuable lesson in educating your child about the condition.

kaumana · 20/10/2011 22:13

I does suck, I spent my 10th birthday on a long haul flight on which my parents ordered a cake, guess what it came covered in, yep nuts, not to worry got to have a coke with Richard Nixon who was on the same flight, so have a good tale to tell!!

cartblanche · 20/10/2011 22:21

Wow Kaumana THAT is a tale to tell!

kaumana · 20/10/2011 22:25

I KNOW! still have my birthday card and boxed White House pen from Tricky Dicky! See having an allergy can have an up side too!

mummytime · 20/10/2011 22:28

YANBU my DCs school are nut free and always request no nuts for cake sales. Senior school recently sent a message to all parents and talked in assemblies about the importance of this, including not buying a snickers on the way to school.
They have a very allergic pupil, and have had one in the past (she reacted to Crunchy Nut Cornflake packets).

I also know another school where they had a pupil with a severe latex allergy, if the science department wanted to use balloons (very useful in science), they had to do it in one of the non-latex free labs.

It is not just about kids not eating nuts, the contamination can come in other ways. Most schools would rather not have to administer Epi pens.

kaumana · 20/10/2011 22:33

Mummytime - I don't think anyone is grading allergies here more of educating our children in dealing with theirs.

libelulle · 20/10/2011 23:02

My god, there are actually people out there who think 'dairy allergies are not life-threatening'? That is bloody terrifying, and it is EXACTLY the problem I have with the nut bans. It perpetuates the idea that only nuts are the really serious allergen.

OP, I really object to your idea that anyone who disagrees with you must be a daily mail reader. It's extremely offensive, especially to those of us who are also living with the consequences of serious allergy on a day-to-day basis.

But the bottom line is: if you value your son's safety, you simply cannot rely on a 'nut-free' school as a guarantee of anything. It is a nonsense. Yes it is awful, but if he is not 100% sure of the provenance of an item of food, he should not eat it. Relying on other people's goodwill and sense will not cut it. Hey, some fools apparently think dairy allergies are not threatening - you can bet that some other fools reckon that nut allergies are similarly nonsense. And you're trusting your son to their tender mercies? No way, don't do it.

libelulle · 20/10/2011 23:03

sorry, *not life-threatening

hiddenhome · 20/10/2011 23:07

YABU

You cannot expect others to take responsibility for your child's allergy. It's up to you to ensure that he knows not to eat food other than what you provide for him.

My ds1 has a severe nut allergy and knew from a very young age not to share food or eat anything that I hadn't given him. His school had food with nuts in and he knew how to navigate his way through in order to remain safe.

pigletmania · 20/10/2011 23:35

mummytime you cannot have 100% nut free school that would be impossible, the school cannot be responsible for what kids eat at home and it would not be fair. Like libuelle has said really.

pigletmania · 20/10/2011 23:36

and also agree with hiddenhome

Hardgoing · 20/10/2011 23:56

I think asking children never to consume nuts in the morning on the way to school (Snickers bar, lots of bars, museli bar, in peanut butter, eating a slice of Christmas cake with marzipan on) is just going too far and, really, with say 1,200 pupils in a school, could you ever know if that was safe? What are you going to do when that child goes to work?

I have no issue with nut-free school dinners and not putting actual nuts in packed lunches. But making the entire environment, including before school (and what about after-school clubs) nut-free simply can't be possible, let alone desirable (what with nuts being a really good source of protein, mine eat them pretty much every day).

mummytime · 21/10/2011 00:17

The school has over 2000 BTW. Its part of asking them to think about their actions. No kid wants to be the cause of their friend having an anaphylactic shock (or girlfriend). It also doesn't mean kids won't eat snickers on the way into school, anymore than they use Bike helmets or even always look when crossing the road. But it is reasonable to ask them to.

BTW my kids don't have any life threatening allergies. One does have a friend with a severe health problem which means I think carefully before sending her into school with a bad cold even.

Stupify64 · 21/10/2011 00:37

Has anyone heard the Warburton's (poss misspelling ad)? Best part of kid's school day is his roll/sandwich with peanut butter - oh & cucumber for that 5-a-day feeling. Mine don't have a nut allergy, but it does make me think that we're taking one small step forward & 3 BIG ones backwards.

Swipe left for the next trending thread