to think it's not so awful to ask a pregnant woman 'if she knows what she's having'?

[tryingtoleave]

I did this today and got a facetious 'well, we presume we're having a baby' reply. She went on about it a bit too, as though I had asked the stupidest question in the world. I was starting to feel a bit tempted to suggest it might be a puppy, but managed not to. Now, I don't care if this woman is having a boy or a girl; tbh, I don't really care much about the situation at all. But I was trying to make polite conversation and I thought two fairly innocuous comments to make when discussing a pregnancy were 'how is the pregnancy going?' and 'do you know what you're having?'. Most people seem happy to talk about it and if they have chosen not to find out are happy to talk about that too but if it is the wrong to ask, tell me - I can take it, and I will hold my tongue in future.

The only people who will be offended by this question are the professionally offended. Ayone else will take it at small-talk face value and answer the question.

The professionally offended will get offended, so they will be happy with the outcome too.

As such, no need to stop asking the question. [hsmile]

She phoned me up to arrange a playdate and she told me she was pregnant. So, it wasn't like I was harrassing random strangers with intimate questions. Anyway, the consensus seems to be that it is an ok question? So , I have decided that if I ever get a response like that again I will say, 'I'm sorry, I was only asking to be polite', which I think balances oblique bitchiness with not completely destroying the relationship. The quasi-bat was much funnier, but I don't think there would be any coming back from there.

OFGS do some pg Women want absolutely no attention or interest given to them whatsoever? I think it's actually one of the nicest parts of pg that random people feel the need to ask you questions/make small talk. Anyone offended by that question needs a bit of reality and sense injecting into their lives.

I do get that the whole gender thing is a bit of a mine field, if you have 2/3/4 of one sex, you may rightly get snappy at people assuming you want the opposite, this is reasonable.

I only had a girl and got a bit cross that people assumed I wanted a boy (I did a little bit, but would have been jumping for joy with either sex ).

Wait 'till you've had the baby. Within half an hour random strangers will be asking you "when are you having another one?". Dunno about you, but I don't discuss my sex life with anyone.

Trying, you were only making conversation and the question in itself is reasonable (although I would probably have made a quip about my mother preferring if I was having a kitten) but yes, it could have been phrased better and there was no need for her to go on about it. Having said that - she may have been asked the same question 100 times in the last couple of days and was just utterly pissed off and took it out on you.

Hard to say really. I guess that is the trouble with when you're pregnant, most people do only ask the same questions because there really aren't that many you can ask, without being wildly intrusive/offensive - and sadly it can get a bit wearing. But I was a grumpy caaah when I was pg too - I did try to be polite but I did feel like writing out flashcards with my answers on and holding them out to the person - never DID it, mind you, because that would have been insufferable and everso rude - I just felt like it.

Yanbu at all. Some people are waaaay too sensitive over what is basically small talk.

I talk to people I don't know all the time. I am amazed at what can cause people offence at times. I am offended by downright nastiness but beyond that, really not by much. If someone sees that you are pregnant and brings it up in the conversation, I really can't see how it is a huge social gaff.

Franca - I have had a pg colleague who responded to a casual and polite "How are you keeping" with rather more information about how her nether regions and now they were coping with having a medium-term squatter than I as an unrelated male needed or wanted to know . . . God alone knows how much more she told any woman who asked the same question :o

Isn't completely ignoring the pregnancy (as some posters have stated that they would prefer) a bit rude?

When I was desperate to get pregnant I had to really force myself to do the whole "ooh congratulations! do you know if it's a boy or a girl?" stuff when really I wanted to run in the other direction! But I did it because I thought I was being polite!

i hated all the queastions when pregnant.

when are you due? what are you having? have you not had the baby yet? what are your names ect?

politly answered but after the 50th time of being asked the same question wound me up.

I think people just get fed up of answering the same questions 100's of times. You were being polite and she was rude.

Towards the end of my pregnancy I felt like wearing z t-shirt printed with:

No, I don't have long to go
Yes, a boy
No, we don't have names yet.

I am 19 weeks pregnant with my second child and just starting to show and I think its lovely that people will ask about the pregnancy. It beats being ignored any day. I tend to say yeah its a baby, but in a jokey way then explain that I havent had my second scan so dont know yet.

I didnt mind the first time around, even towards the end of the pregnancy.

Wow, i bet the playdates are a barrel of laughs!

I think people who take offence at what is it are being pedantic twerps. Everyone knows that question refers to gender, obviously its a baby, and the "its a baby response" is just as tedious as the "whats is it" question.

Next time she mentions anything to do with her pregnancy I would tell her that you're very sorry but you would rather not discuss the intimacies of her uterus.