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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to hide this text from H?

97 replies

nickschick · 19/10/2011 08:27

We have 3 ds,ds1 is 18.

Ds1 is at uni but lives at home,whilst he has a strained relationship with H (H favours ds2 -other threads show this) anyway yesterday ds1 sent me a text saying ...'I love you y'know Mum x',I replied why? what are u doing/have done? to get a reply saying 'nothing I just love ya'.......H asked me who the text was from and luckily my neighbour had just texted too so I said her.

H refers sometimes to ds1 as my little boyfriend/best friend etc etc - because ds1 although he is a lazy pest will often accompany me to the shops to carry my bags,will walk out with me with the dog so im not alone in the dark etc

and

because he paid £10 for a sunbed course for me!!

(ds1 hates the fact i dont spend much on myself and has treated me to the sunbed this is with money he's saved up and under his own steam.

Now H makes me feel weird .

OP posts:

squeakyfreakytoy · 19/10/2011 08:29

Is this your husbands son too?

I find it very weird and quite sad that you cant be honest about a (very nice) text you got from your own child. :(

AKMD · 19/10/2011 08:32

Agree with squeaky :( Your son sounds lovely.

Original poster

nickschick · 19/10/2011 08:34

Yes he is ds1s father, its v sad isnt it.

Hes a thoughtful lad but I dont understand why H says these almost weird things.

OP posts:

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 19/10/2011 08:35

couldn't cope with my DH being nasty like that! He sounds very odd. your DS sounds lovely.

Original poster

nickschick · 19/10/2011 08:35

H said oh as soon as he gets a girlfriend he wont bother with you.

it just weirds me out .

OP posts:

Original poster

nickschick · 19/10/2011 08:36

mumbling it is nasty isnt it?

OP posts:

cakeoclock · 19/10/2011 08:36

I don't understand why you should hide it. What would your dh's reaction be? Sounds to me like you have a lovely ds and you should be proud that he is able to tell you he loves you.

Is your dh jealous of your relationship?

squeakyfreakytoy · 19/10/2011 08:37

Sounds like your husband is jealous of the relationship you have with your son.

AFuckingKnackeredWoman · 19/10/2011 08:38

I honestly don't know if i could live with someone who was so nasty and uncaring about his own child. He sounds like a jealous toddler

TechnoViking · 19/10/2011 08:40

Don't hide that lovely son from your H. H needs to see that he's losing out by having such a shitty attitude with his own children.

DS should also know that you don't hide anything.

Original poster

nickschick · 19/10/2011 08:41

Oh no i wouldnt tell ds that id hidden it,just dh would have blown it up

OP posts:

AKissIsNotAContract · 19/10/2011 08:43

Does your DH ask who it is every time someone texts you?

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 19/10/2011 08:43

He's had 18 years to get to know your DS....and he acts like...well....not like a Father but like a disturbed interloper.

I would tackle the whole situation by telling him that any negative comments will all be remembered and that if he does not deal wth his feelings by talking about them, you don't see how you can go on.

It obviously bothers you. Is he nice in other ways?

NinkyNonker · 19/10/2011 08:44

Yabu to hide this, this is unfair on your son. This issue should be addressed, not swept under the carpet to make for an easy life for you.

Adversecamber · 19/10/2011 08:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

nickschick · 19/10/2011 08:52

No he doesnt ask who has texted me just that the text came through as he was in the same room and it beeps.

The way its gone is that ds2 (who dh favours) has become very out of hand,I try to be fair give expectations of what is acceptable etc etc but dh bends to everything.

Ds1 and 3 are almost 'mine' as ds2 and dh 'stick together'.

OP posts:

Morloth · 19/10/2011 08:53

Your DH is seriously weird.

I am very close to DS1, DS2 is more of a Daddy's boy.

But DH would never act like that, and if he did he would get his arse handed to him.

How bizarre.

Original poster

nickschick · 19/10/2011 08:56

Theres more stuff (there always is in aibu) - ds1 recently texted me to say look in your bag (whilst I was in town shopping) there was a £40 debenhams gift card there ......as i said before I dont buy lots of stuff for myself and ds1because hes v careful with his money did this as a surprise.

I thought dh would be pleased,well actually i didnt I knew hed say something nasty so I really had to play it down but ds1 said I didnt do it so youd go on about it I did it cos I wanted to.

OP posts:

borderslass · 19/10/2011 09:03

You've got a wonderful kind and caring son there don't hide the fact, DH has a volatile relationship with DD2 they clash badly and most of our arguments are about it, he has always treated her differently to DD1 and DS its not nice.

Original poster

nickschick · 19/10/2011 09:07

bordersclass,its sad isnt it? its really ripped our family apart.

How can any parent favour one child?

OP posts:

tigerandtabs · 19/10/2011 09:12

Your DS1 sounds absolutely lovely and I would be very proud indeed if he were mine. It sounds like you need to have an open discussion with your DH about his feelings/issues with DS1 - it may be a personality clash, it may be residual jealousy from DH feeling "pushed out" when DS1 appeared, it may just be DH being an idiot, but he is still the grown up (just) and if he doesn't start now to try to sort it out it will too late and in about 15 years time there will be posts on AIBU from your future daughter in law asking for advice on how to deal with her arse of a FIL.... The issues with DS2 may be related to the "them and us" atmosphere that seems to have developed in your household - maybe he feels left out of the relationship you have with DS1 and is behaving badly because of that? Maybe have an outing with just you and DS2, making it clear you value his company (am not saying you don't but he may not be feeling that ) and see if you can try to get DH and DS1 to spend some time together, unless you think it so likely to go wrong it will make matters worse. Good luck and try to hold on to the fact that while the man you may have chosen is behaving like a tit, the one you have given birth to and brought up is an absolute star.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 19/10/2011 09:22

He sounds like a vile little man tbh, you and our son deserve better btw.

Original poster

nickschick · 19/10/2011 09:24

Tigerandtabs you are lovely ....I do spend lots of time with ds2 but he always finds some way of throwing it back at me and instead of saying to ds2 dont treat your mum like that -h allows it to continue.

Ds3 was on the laptop ds2 wanted it ds3 wouldnt give in so ds2 had a major strop about it .....i told ds2 if he needed it for school he should say when he comes in or use the desk top,if it was for face book he could use his phone etc but it wasnt fair to ds3 that he could comandeer the laptop at his whim.

H meanwhile was scolding ds3 saying 'you know what hes like you should have given it to him' and then even said to ds1 'you should have asked for it ds3 would give it you he would think it was for uni'.

Everything has to be for what is best for ds2.

I do think h is a bit jealous of ds1 hes at uni studying law and hopefully will have a good future -ds2 despite being equally bright has a lax approach to his studies.

OP posts:

TheTenantOfWildfellHall · 19/10/2011 09:25

Your DS sounds lovely and your DH sounds a bit odd!

My DS is definitely a "mummy's boy" not in the derogatory sense, but in that he and I are very close and do have a very special bond.

DH used to tease me about it (never DS though) until he got his very own "daddy's girl".

It does sound as thought your DH is jealous of the close and thoughtful relationship you and DS1 have. He is not your boyfriend, he is your son. However the way in which he treats you now will be an indicator of how he treats his girlfriends/wife in the future. He sounds lovely.

Original poster

nickschick · 19/10/2011 09:25

apocalypse I never thought h would be like this ,hes older than me but i thought that would be beneficial for our dc but it hasnt turned out that way.

OP posts:

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