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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not do partybags?

131 replies

BillBrysonsHauntedRucksack · 18/10/2011 13:01

DS is having a swimming party on Saturday and I have decided not to do party bags.

It's in the evening so no party food as such, but the kids will have a drink and an ice cream at the pool, and some bday cake to take home.

I normally have the courage of my convictions, but have had a few of these >>Hmm when I've mentioned the no party bag thing to other mums.

So, AIBU?

OP posts:
rhondajean · 18/10/2011 21:32

5 year olds are supposed to enjoy themselves at parties and go home excited arent they, its not supposed to be like visiting Great Aunt Maud where you dont ask for a biscuit!!!

It would be bad manners for a child to ask for anything - but in my circle it would be worse manners for a parent not to recognise the children attending with a little reciprocal gift of some kind (party bag, book, Kinder Egg is a fab idea - any of the suggestions would be fine).

I am trying to imagine my mother if she went to a wedding and wasnt given a favour by the bride. Theres no need to play top trumps with the contents - but whats wrong with expecting traditional good manners to be followed whether you are 5 or 65?

cjbartlett · 18/10/2011 21:32

my friend had a swimming pool party and got chippy van to deliver
was great

CharleyBucket · 18/10/2011 21:44

YANBU to not offer party bags!
I have read through this with interest as I have a party coming up for 4yr ds and didnt want to do party bags either...but was going to offer a small gift instead. Love the kinder egg idea!!!
I do think you should offer something though, even if its just a small pack of sweets/lolly! Its a good way of marking the end of the party! and tell everyone to piss off [hgrin]

soverylucky · 18/10/2011 21:49

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soverylucky · 18/10/2011 21:51

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squeakyfreakytoy · 18/10/2011 21:52

I have been to lots of weddings, and never been given wedding favours.

exoticfruits · 18/10/2011 21:52

I don't know why you need partybags-just stick to it.

4madboys · 18/10/2011 21:52

favours at a wedding? at the ones i have been too we got some bubbles and some sweets that were marking our place at a table, at my sisters i think i got a litle shot glass, but only cos the catering company forgot to take them away! Grin

since when has it been bad manners not to give a party bag!! you are having a laugh ,the point is you have been INVITED to the party, you are a guest, you have had a nice time at the party, simple! i think its bad manners to EXPECT a party bag!

rhondajean · 18/10/2011 21:54

Im prepared to admit to cultural differences but where I live, wedding favours have always been done in my lifetime, ditto party bags/favours. There are rumours of places where you are greeted with "you'll have had your tea then" when you visit, and where you dont get offered a biscuit with your cuppa, so this may not be the norm for everyone.

soverylucky · 18/10/2011 21:57

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PumpkinBones · 18/10/2011 22:13

It's impressive you've got so many people coming, DS1 has been to two swimming parties for 5 year olds and loads of people declined both as either their DC's weren't confident in the water or they didn't want to get in their cozzies!

Most people won't feed their children before swimming due to the aforementioned law of eating before swimming. So I would make it very clear to parents that there will be no food. Personally I look like shit after swimming with 2 DS's, I wouldn't want to stand around chatting to people afterwards and having food, I just want to go home and condition my hair Grin

Bunbaker · 18/10/2011 22:15

I have never been to a wedding where favours were given out. It isn't something I would expect.

exoticfruits · 18/10/2011 22:16

Wedding favours are like party bags-completely unnecessary.

rhondajean · 18/10/2011 22:20

Aha I was having a sneaking feeling about the had your tea thing. I think its sympomatic of the mindset where you are.

Where I live, to send a child home from a party unfed and with a measly piece of cake would be regarded as tight to the extreme, especially if child had raked in 40 presents from guests. If parent made it clear that was what was happening, and that the party was not to include guests bringing birthday presents, it would be a bit different, although most of the people I know would still be Shock as parties here involve food and a small gift or bag for the attendee. In fact, at one childs party a few years back I relied on the place to do the food and the children were all starving and had no problem letting me know because of the amount of food they put out. I think you could probably just scrape by with either food or a bag/gift but neither??? A measly piece of cake which is usually the size of a shoebox?

I do hope that if you take your children to a party which DOES offer bags/gifts, you make sure they dont take one, just to reinforce that message!

We also send bags to children who cant make the party but are invited - ill, on holiday, previous commitment - as it lets them share in it in a small way.

madmomma · 18/10/2011 22:20

I think a cheese or ham butty and then an ice cream would be the perfect solution. Then instead of a party bag they can all do a lucky dip into a bag of cheapo lollies on the way out when you're saying thanks for coming etc. Sorry to add to the food pressure, but I just think it'll make a big difference to the parents to be able to think that their child has had a savoury supper/snack as well as the icecream - which is a lovely idea btw. Then they can all get tipped into bed straight away rather than having to get a snack at home. It'll only take you 20mins to make a load of sandwiches. They'll have a brilliant time anyway - it sounds ace Smile

piprabbit · 18/10/2011 22:25

On the subject of cheapo lollies...
Tesco are doing bags of 30 mini chupa chup lollies for about £1 (the come in a Halloween bag - but the lollies have normal wrappers).
Bargainous.

CharleyBucket · 18/10/2011 22:32

I think rhondajean has a very good point about the pressies! It does seem a bit tight to do neither when your dc is raking in the gifts! Hmm

hipsdontlie · 18/10/2011 22:34

I didn't do party bags but....I did have a party for 30 kids at home with an entertainer and loads of food.

My point is - I didn't do the bags as I think it's cheap tack that costs a lot of money to put together. I wrapped up some cheap books for each child instead.

Most parents spend about £10 on a present these days so I would be slightly peed off at an evening party with no food.

soverylucky · 18/10/2011 22:38

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soverylucky · 18/10/2011 22:39

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Butkin · 18/10/2011 22:44

MarianneM - I take it your DD hasn't been to any other children's parties. She'll learn about party bags pretty quick. To be honest I'm 49 and I can remember getting party bags when I was little in the late 60's so not exactly a new phenomenon. DD had a Pamper Party for her 8th and her party bag was themed with pampering items such as nail varnish, little flowers you stick on nails etc. For her previous party (when 6) we'd given each child a book (Fairies for girls and action ones for boys) with balloon and cake.

piprabbit · 18/10/2011 22:55

If I was feeling generous I might be tempted to get a box of these and give every child one before they got into the pool, saying 'that is yours to take home' Grin

Butkin · 18/10/2011 22:58

For 5yos that would be an awesome gift Piprabbit and no more expensive than a party bag - good idea!

duckdodgers · 18/10/2011 23:14

Your childs party so your choice really. But it doesn't sound much like a party to me really, a quick swim, sing happy birthday and then home?

It doesnt really matter what time of day or night a party is - I dont think either myself or any of my 32 boys have ever been at a party where there has been no food served. You dont need much - certainly not a full meal as mentioned by another poster, a few sandwiches, sausage rolls, mini pizzas etc. If there are no heating facilities at the pool just serve everything cold. But you wont as you seem quite adamant about having no food.

I would think though that it may well be the gossip talking point for some time to come no matter how much you warn the parents that there is no food.

rhondajean · 18/10/2011 23:18

Aww sovery - youre not getting me - my point isnt that children should think they have a right to things, its that 5 year olds expect things to be the way they know, and round here thats party bags.

It doesnt make them spoilt, it doesnt make them brats, it just makes them normal in expecting consistency (party here includes cake, food, and bag or gift, noone is hung up on actual bags) and if it was different, they would be Confused because its not what they expected based on their understanding of how things work.