Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not do partybags?

131 replies

BillBrysonsHauntedRucksack · 18/10/2011 13:01

DS is having a swimming party on Saturday and I have decided not to do party bags.

It's in the evening so no party food as such, but the kids will have a drink and an ice cream at the pool, and some bday cake to take home.

I normally have the courage of my convictions, but have had a few of these >>Hmm when I've mentioned the no party bag thing to other mums.

So, AIBU?

OP posts:
thestringcheesemassacre · 18/10/2011 15:47

dear god woman, NO FOOD after swimming.
The children will all DIE. Die I tell you.

Butkin · 18/10/2011 16:20

I'm sorry to say that I agree that the children will probably want some satisfying food afterwards - not just ice cream which is more of a treat. Most won't have eaten before a pool party and they will be exhausted. What will they be scoffing whilst the slower ones get changed?

I think you're brave to do it for so many little ones when past their bedtime.

Even more brave to get so many parents in the pool. We have a 1 to 4 ratio at our pool and without pool staff to participate most parties wouldn't take place. We usually only get a 1 to 2 ratio of parental attendees and most would refuse to don a costume. Presumably you've got confirmations from enough parents that they will swim and enough family members/pool staff to cover the people who will refuse at the last minute - as they will do.

I think that once they have eaten their cake the LOs will hope for a party bag on the way out at that age. Could they at least have a lolly / balloon?

Avocets · 18/10/2011 18:27

Why don't you do party bags with a packet of crisps, a couple of sausage rolls and a kit kat in them. Job done. Then they can eat them on the way home.

benjalamummy · 18/10/2011 19:29

Read OP and had to just reply so sorry if this a repeat of others.

I live in Austria, which is slightly less consumed by consumerism than the UK, people don't do them here. There is a lot less of this ridiculous competitiveness in children's parties here. Stretch limos and pamper parties for 6 year olds ffs????

Seriously every mum I know in the UK finds doing party bags expensive and time-consuming, and only do them because everyone else does. Good on you for having a stab at ending the madness.

We used to get a piece of cake in a serviette when I was little, and I was chuffed to bits with that!

ScarlettIsWalking · 18/10/2011 19:35

My goodness you will need to give them some food after swimming, an ice-cream in this weather? Not at all enough sorry but you are completely off season for that...

Without a bag of snacks or actual food I would think your party was a bit whack, sorry

soverylucky · 18/10/2011 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

soverylucky · 18/10/2011 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rhondajean · 18/10/2011 19:55

I think 5 year olds expect party bags, sorry, older children fair enough but half the fun for the wee ones is the wee bag to take home. WE hate it but they love it - and the parties are supposed to be for them....among DD2s friends they are such a big part of the event that if I had to I would have a less expensive party so that they still had their goodies to take away.

The idea of the crisps and sausage rolls in the bag is a good one. Add a balloon, a couple of stickers and your bit of cake and bingo.

Fixture · 18/10/2011 19:55

Ice cream in October after swimming... sandwich or hot dog would be less chilly :)

soverylucky · 18/10/2011 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

soverylucky · 18/10/2011 19:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MercyDulbottle · 18/10/2011 20:06

If a kid expects a party bag all the more reason to NOT do them imo!!!!!!!!

oh

my

gosh.

what are your parties like - 40 kids sat in a bare room?

If a kid expects party games all the more reason to NOT do them imo!!!!!!!!

If a kid expects a music all the more reason to NOT have it imo!!!!!!!!

If a kid expects a playbarn all the more reason to NOT to have one imo!!!!!!!!

If a kid expects fun all the more reason to NOT to have any imo!!!!!!!!

seriously OP, partybags are a good way to finish the party, they tell everyone it's time to home. Which you will need to be quite clear about, as you will have 40 kids and 20 parents hanging round at the end wondering when the food will come.

Went to a 50th party last year, a hired hall with disco and pay-your-own bar. Everyone was waiting ALL night for a buffet to be brought out at some point, but no, no food. No-one had eaten before hand because THEY WERE GOING TO A PARTY. We were starving, and a teeny bit disgruntled.

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 18/10/2011 20:14

I am going to refuse to do party bags as well, I think they're a pointless rip of fest of tat and I'd rather spend the money on the party. But, either I'm missing something vital or the party consists of you paying for some people to take their kids swimming and then sing happy birthday to your child? It just doesn't strike me as much of a party.

rhondajean · 18/10/2011 20:21

Im thinking that to be honest, as a parent, I would be mildly irritated if I went to effort of bringing DD to a party, cost of buying a present, had to go in swimming myself, all for 40 minutes splashing in a pool with 60 other people, only for her not to get anything to eat, no little bag/gift (which as far as I am aware is a thank you for people coming along and giving you a gift).....would feel a bit like an attempt to get as many presents as possible for as little output as possible in our area.

Are you sure you have thought this through OP?

soverylucky · 18/10/2011 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rhondajean · 18/10/2011 20:42

Very strange definition of spoilt.

Round here, partyholders give partygoers a bag or a small gift as a matter of routine. By the time a child is 5, they have been to enough parties to know how they usually work, and that this is what happens (along with singing happy birthday, giving a gift to the birthday child, and the rest of what happens). Ergo here at least, they expect it to be part of the party.

Do you never have expectations of things being as you understand them?

I would not expect it to be as important to older children who are more clued up as to 5 year olds.

4madboys · 18/10/2011 20:46

well if my kids were invited to a party at that time, esp a swimming party i would assume there would NOT be food and would feed them beforehand, as long as they eat at 5ish it will be fine and ice cream and cake after is fine as a pudding/treat.

no party bag is fine as well, i sometiems just do a lucky dip or a little treat of sweets etc.

and whoever asked about the build a bear party? i am doing that for ds3 who will be 7 in dec, its what he wants but we are also doing it at home as its mUCH cheaper and there will be no party bag as they will each have a bear to take home, am also doing it 10-12 so will provide, snacks ie biscuits and a drink but no food as they can go home and have their lunch! simple.

soverylucky · 18/10/2011 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

4madboys · 18/10/2011 20:51

no i think you are right sovereign and i have told my kids the same, it is NOT ok to expect a party bag, i wouldnt be suprised if a chid asked where one was, but i would just explain that there were none and an older child would be rude to ask imo!

betterwhenthesunshines · 18/10/2011 21:01

Not doing a prty bag is fine, but especially at that age it does :

  • make it obvious when you wish people to depart
  • make it easier to get the children to go home
  • seem really special to the children, after all a 5yr old party is often their first 'proper party'

You don't have to give out tat, but party bags are part of parties for small children. If you don't want to do them for 40 people, then don't invite 40 people Confused

As you have already invited them, then the snack bags are a great idea, but the children will be disappointed if there's no tiny toy / squeaky balloon / duck whistle in there at all [cue sad 5yr old faces]

Candid · 18/10/2011 21:01

Yanbu to not do party bags. I don't do them either but I do give a little present and some smarties or something. I think it's nice for the children.
I don't do thank you notes either and just thank people in person/by text. That may be a bit contentious.

Like other posters here, I would definitely do some food. And I agree with others who think October evenings may be a little bit cold for sending kids outside straight after swimming and then icecream.

MarianneM · 18/10/2011 21:14

What is this stupid "party bag" thing? I've heard of it but never would it occur to me to do "party bags" for guests!!?

I'm organising my DD's 3rd birthday party - are people seriously expecting this? Won't it do to offer nice food and drinks and a good time for everyone?

Bluestocking · 18/10/2011 21:20

I don't do party bags. Each guest gets a Kinder Egg (hello, shemademedoit!). A little chocolate, a little toy, and no stupid filling-of-bags in the middle of the night for me. But I would do food after a swimming party - see if Dominos will deliver at the right moment - fresh hot pizza really hits the spot after swimming!

CalmaLlamaDown · 18/10/2011 21:29

Hope it's a large cake for that number of guests - 40 kids + 40 adults, you are braver than me. Are you doing coffees etc for adults? I would imagine it would be much appreciated. Sorry but the little ones love a party bag!

squeakyfreakytoy · 18/10/2011 21:31

If there are no catering facilities at the pool, then where is the OP meant to serve up any food? You cant have 60+ people loitering with crisps and sandwiches in the foyer.. The parents can always nip to McDonalds on the way home. :)