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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister should just go back to work

143 replies

allmyfriendsaremarried · 17/10/2011 20:01

I know everyone is having a tough time at the moment but I am beginning to wonder if my sister is being unrealistic about being a SAHM. She has a 4 year old (now at school) and a one year old. Her husband works for the council in what was a well paid job but due to cut backs they are beginning to struggle financially. Personally I would think that returning to some sort of part time work would be beneficial for all now. She is very funny about this sort of thing and thinks that pre school child care is the work of the devil and that mums who return to work are bad mothers. Most of my friends with babies have returned to work once their children are one years old mainly for financial reasons and I can see they are not bad parents. So AIBU or is she BU. It does grate on me that I work to support my lifestyle so why shouldn't she, after all they chose to have children? Sorry if this seems harsh but I am getting a bit fed up of hearing how hard up they are.

OP posts:
Deflatedballoonbelly · 17/10/2011 20:02

YABU

keep your nose out and let her do what she wants.

LingDiLong · 17/10/2011 20:02

YABU, it's none of your business.

FabbyChic · 17/10/2011 20:03

If she works she will pay childcare that could eat up all her earnings then it be pointless, however as his income sinks she does have the opportunity to apply for tax credits if applicable.

Her lifestyle choices are really none of your business if she wants to be a SAHM she can be. So but out.

Just tell her if she is hard up get an evening job or weekends that she can do whilst her husband is home.

PenguinsAreThePoint · 17/10/2011 20:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 17/10/2011 20:05

Oh don't be silly. I have worked since DD was a year old, hated every minute of it and earned about sixpence after travel and childcare. I'm about to have dc2 and DD will go to school in September. I won't be going back to work just yet, the logistics and cost of school runs/after school care and baby childcare will cost me far more than I could earn.

usualsuspect · 17/10/2011 20:05

You don't work to support her lifestyle ,so whats your problem?

cjbartlett · 17/10/2011 20:05

Just tell her to stop moaning about money if she's not prepared to do anything about it
Or suggest she gets a weekend job - there'll be plenty around in the run up to christmas

BluddyMoFo · 17/10/2011 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeanBodel · 17/10/2011 20:05

YABU.

If you had come on here to say, 'I'm fed up with my sister moaning all the time about how hard up she is', then fair enough.

But you say it as though it's so easy. She should just get a job. There are so many factors involved in that sentence that you really are not in a position to judge.

newbiedoobiedoo · 17/10/2011 20:06

You work to support your lifestyle, her dh works to fund their while she RAISES their children. YABVVVU to think you're entitled to even have an opinion on this...IMO :)

ilovesooty · 17/10/2011 20:07

You can think what you please, but as it's none of your business it would BU to make your thoughts known to her.

Original poster
allmyfriendsaremarried · 17/10/2011 20:07

For those of you that say it is not my business and I should butt out then does that mean I should stop taking her calls then? As that is her main topic of conversation. I have suggested that maybe she could do something when her husband is at home to take care of the children but that also meets with a flat no. They winge at me that I do not see them often but my job is mostly 7 days a week so difficult for me to get up to see them (they live 3 hours away) and I miss the children, so suggest they come and stay with me (I pay for everything when they do) but that is also a no, as it costs too much to drive down. See that makes no sense to me either.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 17/10/2011 20:09

you sound like a lovely sister

halcyondays · 17/10/2011 20:10

It's up to her, isn't it? She mightn't be that much better off anyway after paying for childcare and if she wants to be a sahm it's up to her and her dh.

my2centsis · 17/10/2011 20:11

YABVVVU goodness I would hate to have such a judgmental sister. It's not like her kids are 10 forgodsake. How rude

newbiedoobiedoo · 17/10/2011 20:11

Well it doesn't HAVE to make sense to you! Just steer the conversation away from money? Or, if she's a close sister tell her to shut up about it!

MilkNoSugarPlease · 17/10/2011 20:12

Get over yourself

LingDiLong · 17/10/2011 20:12

As others have said, it's really not as simple as you make out. You can't just get a job to cover childcare costs when you have 2 small children. It's also unbelievably hard to get evening/weekend work - believe me, I've tried myself. 100s of people apply for those kinds of jobs and they tend to go to young kids who they can pay a bit less to.

And ultimately if she's a whinger, then she'd whinge even if she had more money.

CocoPopsAddict · 17/10/2011 20:12

Well, just give it to her straight then. Tell her you're sorry she is having financial difficulties, and the only way out that you can see is for her to go into paid employment.

FWIW, do you think people are just walking into jobs right now? The market is flat.

thisisyesterday · 17/10/2011 20:13

yabu

it's her family and her life.

FabbyChic · 17/10/2011 20:13

If she gives you that much grief about it just tell her unless she is willing to do something about it nothing will change and to stop moaning at you about it, cos you aren't a bank and cannot subsidise her.

TheSecondComing · 17/10/2011 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuelingFanjo · 17/10/2011 20:15

yabu really.

Some of us actuallly enjoy working and want to go back. Some people don't. I think it's up to her and her husband to do what they think is best but yanbu to be fed up with her moaning.

Original poster
allmyfriendsaremarried · 17/10/2011 20:16

Actually before you all think I am an awful sister, I am the one who is always there for a chat when things are going wrong no matter what time of night or day, remembers birthdays etc and picks thoughtful presents that mean stuff to those that recieve them. I just was thinking out loud to try to find suggestions to help her. Going back to work is more a moral issue for her and it is tough to hear them struggling on basic rations (well her not the children obviously) just to make ends meet.

OP posts:
newbiedoobiedoo · 17/10/2011 20:19

"Actually before you all think I am an awful sister, I am the one who is always there for a chat when things are going wrong no matter what time of night or day, remembers birthdays etc and picks thoughtful presents that mean stuff to those that recieve them"

Yeah, and then bitch about it on the internet! :) If she doesn't want to go back to work then she doesn't want to! There's no law to say you have to listen to her moan about being on rations! And tbh it doesn't come across as you trying to find suggestions to help her, just wanting to moan about you working and her not!