to insist he returns to work

[SlightlyBemused]

AIBU to consider phoning a work colleague who has been on compassionate leave for more than 4 weeks and insist he returns to work?
The reason for the leave was the suicide of his only DS. He is understandably distraught and has my sympathy. I wish to give him all the time he needs, however pressure from above and critical work elements requiring his attention make me question; how long is long enough?

Maryz! I thought the lady was not for turning?

If my boss suggested such a thing I would be telling them where to stick their job. Its beyond contempt really it is.

No no, MrsStephenFry. Sorry :)

MrsStephenFry

I work in the Middle East. I can assure you that the issue is the passport not the colour of his skin. The OP may or may not be British Indian but this racism is about passport not skin colour here.

Of course, people will usually assume a British Indian is Indian Indian initially (and so on the face of it skin colour does matter) but in an established working environment, a Brit will be treated as a Brit regardless of their ethnicisity (sp?).

Not that that makes it any less racist. Just clarifying a misconception.

I'm actually surprised how many workplaces in the UK would allow long periods of compassionate leave. Most places I've worked in the part (including my current employer which is British) would only allow a short period of compassionate leave (maybe 2 weeks) and then they'd expect you to be signed off sick. They wouldn't expect you to be back in but they'd expect the sick note.

SlightlyBemused: I have no idea what the practice is in India in similar circumstances i.e. would they allow a long period of compassionate leave or would he be expected back in work quickly. I'd guess there's a massive stigma around suicide. I don't think it's unreasonable to call him to get an idea of his plans. It is very possible he isn't planning on coming back at all.

Ok Maryz

Honestly I have hidden more threads in the last few days than I've posted on. Can't move for the frothers, the self-obsessed, the humourless and the unreasonably offended. It is wearing.

Maryz I will take your condolences and pass them to NoOne who I think they were meant for as she has actually been in this awful situation

NoOne fwiw I agree with you that 4 weeks is not long enough and for some people a year or two years or more is still not enough. But sadly a line has to be drawn somewhere and it's an awful decision to have to make - what is "enough" for one person is far too short for another. The only thing to do is to communicate and behave with compassion which is what your DH's employees and colleagues were so lacking. I think the OP is attempting to do a better job than your DH's work, in very different circumstances.

Thanks Guillotined - now I understand that MrsSF's "advice" is in fact that the OP should quit her job to get out of her morally compromised situation, in which case, her subordinate may well find that he has a new boss who doesn't know or care about him, and not only the OP but also the subordinate will be jobless and visaless.

I never proffered any advice or purported to be an expert in anything. If you look clearly youll see my stance is....you chose to work somewhere that you have to shitty things to people for shitty reasons, suck it up and get on with it, and let the cash fill the hole where your morals should be.

Slate me fir being judgemental, thats fair, attack my opinion, Im game. But dont tell me off for giving bad advice when I have not done so. Try to focus on what people actually say, it makes things marginally less surreal.

Ps, whoever made the bizarre comparison to complaining about your children, correct me if Im wrong but I do believe its rather easier to change jobs than to send your children back?

Mrs Fry, how do you think the situation in middle eastern countries is going improve if the only people who can try to teach them to be less sexist and racist (westerners) refuse to go there? Maybe if enough people like the op go to work in the middle east the locals will be more exposed to progressive views and will change their ways? Your solution seems to be to ignore the situation entirely. Also, its not as if the uk and its companies are mother Teresa, is it?

SlightlyBemused is your colleague being paid? if money is the sticking point with your bosses, it might be possible to keep your colleague's job open by suggesting he gets unpaid/part paid leave.

Mrs Fry, believe it or not not all of the companies in the ME are like that - mine generally does look after its employees (had a colleague on compassionate leave for a year in total, much was unpaid but that would have been the case anywhere - and seen a lot of other examples, on top of the actual employee 'rights' there). It is difficult to know, because there are a lot of locals who genuinely do try to do the right thing - despite the headlines - but I believe senior employees with experience in other parts of the world have had an input in creating that culture. What good would it do anyone if we all left? (and I'm not here for the salary; I'm on about what I would be on anywhere; I'm here for the job and the sunlight)

The UK, US, just about anywhere I can think of had very similar issues as they developed to where they are now. Those issues weren't 'fixed' by people outside being rude, arrogant and dismissive, they were fixed by people on the inside, trying to make changes. It isn't an overnight process, and it isn't easy, and of course there are frustrations, but all of those factors applied everywhere else too - nowhere emerged from the primordial swamp, or Neanderthal camps, complete with worker protection legislation in place, even to the extent it is now (don't think the UK tops the list on that one - would you think those from more interventionist states would be justified in acting as you are about the UK itself?)

SlightlyBemused, I do think you need to talk to him, but try exploring options with your management too.... (eg the 'unpaid leave' bit to the extent feasible; or if he can't face coming back, a little package over and above his EOSB)? good luck!