My ex-h thinks he cannot live on £900 a month (-£400 for rent) aibu to think that many single people manage this?

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Title says it all really. I've been getting a sob story about how poor he is and I just feel he's not in the real world. Aibu? Help me adjust my sympathy levels if I am!

I don't understand all the ramifications myself. But they (the JRF) are very influential when it comes to policy making etc.

Hi! Just answering some of the questions. £500 is what is left after tax. He does have a safe clean flat. Dc visit one evening after school and about 2-3 overnights a month.

That's one evening per week.

Won't his gas, electric, council tax etc. come to about £400 a month?

He's going to be living on about £25 a week for food. He's
Not going to be able to have a phone, car or broadband.

He's not going to be able to spend anything on his children.

Don't think he does. He keeps them all day the day after they stay over. I think it's enough for them tbh, they seem happy with arrangement and upset if they need to be there more than that. Sometimes they ask to come home early.

He has a travel pass, mobile, home phone, sky tv, broad and and has chosen to start ds at a weekly football club- his choice.

He either earns more than he says or he's getting in debt.

(The reason I made my comment is a lot of men after divorce moan about having to suppor their ex wife and family but they were perfectly happy to have an unpaid servant to iron their shirts and mind the children when they were married and 4 in 5 marry a woman who earns less presumably because it flatters their ego. The price they pay for those misjudgments is that on divorce they lose out financially and it applies the other way round too if you reverse the sexes).

One answer is often for both parties to take second jobs so there is more money for the children.

Unbelievable! My ex claimed poverty throughout our divorce and it was a farce!!! He took home £750 a month (after deductions from CSA for our son and a CSA debt from 20 years ago) and refused to do OT because he would have to declare it. He had also moved into a 3 bedroom rented property costing £550 a month - leaving only £200 a month for food, bills etc.
He then took up a second job working on the Taxis at weekends, earning in excess of £800 a month which he did "cash in hand" and therefore the HMRC are unaware of this. In addition, he were defrauding the CSA and Legal Aid Board by not declaring this additional income.
I have no sympathy for anyone deliberately making themselves poor through being deceitful. Like myself, there are plenty of people out there working part time hours (because childcare fees are extortionate) and are therefore unable to do OT, let alone take on another job. I have no family to help with childcare, therefore i have to wait until my son goes to school before i can do full time hours - or forfeit quality time with my son now! In the meantime, i have to rely on tax credits which barely cover anything.
I feel sorry for genuine people - not those who are deceiptful and/or bring it upon themselves!

Surely the csa payment is based on his income and is fair. They take off 15% no matter how much you earn, 20% if it is for two children. If his income is low then he may be entitled to tax credits or something?

It is not much money to live off. I managed 450 a month in rent when I was taking home about 1000 a month when I first started teaching. I drove a crappy old car and had no credit cards although I did have a student loan repayment. Once I had paid council tax and other bills it was very tough to make ends meet. That was 9 years ago now and prices have gone up a lot since, petrol costs twice as much, food is more expensive and utilities have soared.

However, his budget is not your problem. The csa are charging him a percentage that has been deemed to be a fair amount. It is up to him to manage his money. The problem is, if he goes in a flatshare, that isn't really suitable for having the kids stay round.

Many people do manage with this amount of disposable income but it isn't very easy. He needs to look at his outgoings and see where he can make savings. Child maintenance is NOT an area where he should be looking to make savings.

That's not a lot to live on at all

I lived in London for several years as a single person on less than that. It was a pretty basic existence (no sky ) but perfectly fine.

If he is struggling then he could get a second job, turn down the thermostat, eat beans on toast, get a smaller flat -- you know, like most people have to do!

He put himself in this situation so don't feel bad for a second.

Why do your kids sometimes want to come home early? (sorry I know that's not your question, but it sounds worrying)

Of course many single people manage that. If he can't afford to maintain his lifestyle he needs to move into a houseshare or take another job. Either way, it's his fault he's in that position and you shouldn't be worrying about it.

When I started work in 1999 I earnt £850 a month, lived on my own

rent £375
was doable

but today bills have gone up so don't think it would be the saem