My ex-h thinks he cannot live on £900 a month (-£400 for rent) aibu to think that many single people manage this?

[FinneganBeginAgain]

Title says it all really. I've been getting a sob story about how poor he is and I just feel he's not in the real world. Aibu? Help me adjust my sympathy levels if I am!

He is making me feel guilty which is the main reason I've asked the question. I'm basically a nice person and I don't want to be unsympathetic if his complaints are realistic, even though I can do nothing about his situation. I have friends who also support their families on the same amount and they've just laughed when I told them he was moaning.

You must take what the CSA say he has to pay, no more, no less. He has to contribute something to his children.

Next time he starts doing it tell him you don't want to talk about it and it isn't an area of discussion that concerns you anymore. His finances are his concern. He probably knows you'll listen and wants to make you feel like the bad guy.

Seriously, even if he is struggling: you are not the cause! What should you have done, really- stayed with him after he cheated to protect his economic situation?

Apparently so PhilipJFry!

Not arguing it's unpleasant. Just that when you do an assessment for necessities to live, shelter, food, water and heating are the absolute basics.

As it stands, Finnegan can't really do anything about her ex. It's his choice to maintain his lifestyle. If their finances are conducted through the CSA there's nothing he can do about it but grump.

However, she could perhaps invest in some earplugs in order to avoid his whining? [hwink]

I used to live on £950pcm with £450 rent, I had £200+pcm debt, still managed. Things were tight but doable. I did live in walking distance to work though.

I'm not saying that people can't live on this amount but am just thinking about my MIL who is in housing association sheltered flats. She only pays for her phone bill and has asked us to manage her money for her because she is struggling with her memory. Anyway, she spends £350 per month. That is JUST for food and bits and bobs she has no other outgoings at all. She always spends almost every penny so bearing that in mind, I would say that is not alot of money to live on.

If he's paying the correct amount of CSA, with reductions for overnights.
And claiming single persons council tax allowance I don't know what he expects you to do?

Is he looking for a maintenance reduction?

If he wants more money, like the rest of us, he'll have to earn it.

HOWEVER, I'm not saying that he shouldn't contribute to his children's upbringing, of course he should and also it is not fair for him to make you feel as if you are at fault for the situation. I'm just agreeing that it is not alot of money.

Thanks everyone for your input, it's been very valuable. I've got to go now but will try and check back later.

I am a single parent, I get about £1120 a month, including HB which gets paid to me. My rent is £550 a month and my council tax is paid by council tax benefit.

I feel like it is a lot, however I don't have a car or a social life, also dd is just a toddler so eats like a bird.

TBH if I had a car and had to pay my own council tax I would struggle, It can be done but it isn't a nice way to live at all. He would possibly be able to claim WTC, my ex does because he is on a low income. He gets about £20 a week.

scared your benefits come to £700

so by my reckoning you have around £600 per month
so things probably are a little better than the Op's ex partner £100 can make a big difference

I wouldn't say he is well off but its doable. However that is not your fault so don't let him succeed in making you feel guilty. He chose to cheat and therefore break up your relationship and you are not responsible for what his salary is (unless obviously you run a business and employ him.

I know you have had to nip away but is that £900 after tax? I earn less than that and I am about to become the sole earner as DH has been made redundant. We have been told we are not entitled to any benefits at all as that is plenty to live on (2 adults and 2 children). Tell him that next time he moans.

ScaredBear surley your council tax benefit is paid directly to the council not to you?

OP you are not responsible for your ex's income, he is. He's the one who chose to cheat on you therefore ending your marriage.

Minus273 if your DH has been working he should be able to claim contribution bases job seekers allowance for 6 months. You should also get CTC and i would have thought WTC i would phone back and double check

14k per year doesn't sound like a lot. Prices of everything are going north rapidly.

I think the CSA shouldn't come into any conversation. It's a given that he should stump this up. Other than that I guess it costs nothing to lend an ear as long as it doesn't get too much.

But I don't see why you should feel guilty at all. It's not your fault. Sympathetic maybe.

You'll baulk, but I ( an nrp ) earn 50k and I'm finding it hard to make ends meet after rent, generous CM , council tax, utilities, a car, petrol, toys and clothes and beds etc for dd, food. As soon as insurance for the car or a visit to the dentist pops up it's really a struggle.

So yep. Guilt absolutely not, possibly a tiny bit of sympathy but not to the extent any CM payments are dropped.

Really hard question. My DS at university thinks he's broke on £500 per month (after rent). A bit of allowance and quite a few hours a week earning. So, your ex will feel poor. It may be inevitable/unavoidable though.

I would say it's technically doable, but not very pleasant. It won't give him a chance to do anything like have a holiday or save for a mortgage.

Not much you can do about it, though. Unless you are really, really well off, and then I guess you can afford to allow him to lower the payments.