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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My ex-h thinks he cannot live on £900 a month (-£400 for rent) aibu to think that many single people manage this?

116 replies

FinneganBeginAgain · 13/10/2011 18:52

Title says it all really. I've been getting a sob story about how poor he is and I just feel he's not in the real world. Aibu? Help me adjust my sympathy levels if I am!

OP posts:
incognitofornow · 13/10/2011 19:10

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worraliberty · 13/10/2011 19:10

£500 after rent and CSA payment. No car. Rest would be for other standard bills for just himself

So travel to work as well as all the bills other people have listed here...and food too?

Yes, I'd say he's pretty poor.

thisisyesterday · 13/10/2011 19:10

that sounds very little to live on actually.
£400 for rent... what about council tax, electric, gas, insurance, running a car, food...

people may well live on that. they are living on next to nothing as well.
just cos lots of people have to live on very little money doesn't mean it's adequate Hmm

ScaredBear · 13/10/2011 19:11

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Original poster
FinneganBeginAgain · 13/10/2011 19:11

He is a decent dad and I don't ask for anymore than the CSA calculate. I dissolved the relationship after his infidelity and he keeps telling me I've put him in this position.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 13/10/2011 19:12

coucil tax round here would be a LOT more than £80-£90 a month!

susiedaisy · 13/10/2011 19:12

Yeah I would say that's not much to live on tbh especially if he ever wants to think about buying his own house, replace car one day, pension, day to day bills,

LittleMissFlustered · 13/10/2011 19:13

Since when were broadband, tv licence and mobile contracts considered essential bills? They're technically luxuries, not necessary to live. Nice, but life can continue very easily without:)

I'd say that if he lives frugally and has no car then £500 is reasonable, though probably not the most comfortable sum. He will just need to budget to his income. Which is a bitch, but a fact of life.

ScaredBear · 13/10/2011 19:14

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incognitofornow · 13/10/2011 19:14

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Original poster
FinneganBeginAgain · 13/10/2011 19:14

Our council tax would be in the £80-90 region monthly

OP posts:
incognitofornow · 13/10/2011 19:14

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AuntiePickleBottom · 13/10/2011 19:15

then it don't sound alot tbh especially after paying out for bills

thisisyesterday · 13/10/2011 19:16

ours is about £125 a month

FabbyChic · 13/10/2011 19:16

Broadband is not a luxury it's a necessity. If you have children a mobile is also a necessity. If you work you expect a certain standard of living having broadband and a mobile phone thus is a necessity.

ScaredBear · 13/10/2011 19:17

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solidgoldbrass · 13/10/2011 19:18

While lots of people live on that, or less than that, it is still not much money. It's a miserable way to live because once he has factored in utilities and travel (whether that's petrol money or fares) and food, it leaves very, very little spare. And this is why poor people have debts: because when you are poor, you have no savings and if there is an unexpected expense you have to borrow, and you can only borrow at high interest rates.
By unexpected expense I mean things like the cooker blowing up or a pipe bursting or DC wrecking their school shoes/winter coat or whatever.

incognitofornow · 13/10/2011 19:18

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sunshineandbooks · 13/10/2011 19:18

I earn more than your XH and I obviously get CB and TCs for my 2 DC as well, but after paying my mortgage and astronomical childcare bill I am left with about the same as that for 3 of us, not just 1. I run a car too. It is really hard. Not on the day-to-day stuff as it's surprising how you can make a little go a long way if you put some thought into it. It's the extras that mess you up - car tax due, kids need new shoes, washing machine needs repair, dentistry/glasses/prescriptions.

It won't be easy for him to live off it, but it's doable, especially as it's for his children. I'd be a lot better off if I didn't have to pay so much to keep children, too!

incognitofornow · 13/10/2011 19:19

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PhilipJFry · 13/10/2011 19:19

"I dissolved the relationship after his infidelity and he keeps telling me I've put him in this position."

If the reason you're having this discussion is because he's blaming you for his financial situation then I would just stop talking to him about it. You're seperated and his finances are up to him now- don't let him make you feel guilty. It sounds like he's interested in making out you're the cause of his problems. Don't engage with it.

LoveInAColdClimate · 13/10/2011 19:21

So £500 a month after rent? That doesn't sound like enough to live on?

susiedaisy · 13/10/2011 19:22

Sorry but to have no phone, no tv, no Internet is doable but bloody miserable imo , my kids keep in touch with their dad (my ex) via mobile phone, and skype as he works away all week, but I do think you can have the basic packages of it all but to have none of it at all is a bit unrealistic for most people these days.

kelly2000 · 13/10/2011 19:22

If his maintanience payments have already been decided by the CSA then it is not your problem or business, he pays the amount the CSA have set and thta is that.

PerryCombover · 13/10/2011 19:26

scaredbear are you getting all you are entitled to?
do you get wtc or income support etc? sounds like you aren't on much

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