My ex-h thinks he cannot live on £900 a month (-£400 for rent) aibu to think that many single people manage this?

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Title says it all really. I've been getting a sob story about how poor he is and I just feel he's not in the real world. Aibu? Help me adjust my sympathy levels if I am!

I live on less than that with 1.5 kids (one half time). He can go fuck himself, as can the people on here insisting 'all' single parent get more than that- utter bollocks.

Serious question, Wibbly - how can you afford Internet/computer on that income? Sorry if this comes across as harsh, it's a genuine question.

I can't answer for wibbly but sometimes not having internet costs significantly more than having IYSWIM. We had no internet for over a week and a lot of things cost significantly more than normal. Almost everything official I tried to do I was told to do it online. I had to pay transport costs to get to offices I wouldn't otherwise have to go to, had to pay higher prices as could not get online discount, didn't have access to as much information at a time that suited me as normal and spent a lot of time and money on the phone.

Sometimes you can get quite reasonable internet deals which can be good value for money for entertainment when you can't afford to go out. Lets just say there are plenty of other things I personally would cut back on first.

It's all relative. Never marry someone who earns less than you do and however inconvenient to you never let her (or her) give up full time work when babies arrive. Then you avoid these types of issues.

I suppose myself and the children alone (and earn more than my children's father so in our case it is all a lot simpler than some people have it.

There is nothing to stop parents who have the children 50% of the time each to agree to share child benefit and if they earn low enough sums to get tax credits (I never have) sharing those.

YANBU. Why is he telling you this? He wants your sympathy (& money?)..... Ah didums.

Thanks, Minus.

Remember xenia people's salary can change over time through no fault of their own and it would be difficult to insist on someone earning exactly the same as you. There are more important attributes when choosing a partner and you want it to last.

For example I never chose to work part time, I was made redundant and it was a choice between taking the part time job I have now or staying unemployed. I suspect a lot of people in the current climate have faced similar dilemmas.

i have an exdp who also cannot live off his £500 left over for food/entertainment after paying his bills!! he does not contribute towards ds1 and ds2 as he "cant afford it" which winds me up sooo much, he also blames me for his financial situation when i left after his affairs.
after paying all of my bills i am left with £65 a month to pay for food (we're living on rice and noodles)and im so struglling now. i work full time, dont qualify for benefits, live in a 2 bed terrace. exdp has left me in dire straits, i am now left trying to cover all the mortgage and loans that were paid for easily when we had two incomes. exdp cannot afford to help me pay these bills apparentley. i cant even sell the house to downsize as its such a small house and ds1 and ds2 share a room as it is.
bloody men.

Xenia apologies but as the primary earner in my household - what on earth are you on about? If the primary reason for a relationship was financial maybe your logic would make sense but most people enter a relationship on the basis of the person involved as opposed to their bank account.

OP I have read through most of the thread but can I ask how often your ex has the children? I couldnt see it anywhere. My concern in your case is that unfortunately your ex partners financial situation DOES still concern you as when your kids arent with you, they are with him. Can he afford somewhere safe, clean and comfortable to live with the children? Can he afford to feed them, get them to school and cover childcare (if necc obv!) for his days when he is at work?

If he is an arse and doesnt provide any support hang the arse. But if he genuinly is trying, regardless of the affair, perhaps it is worthwhile in coming to an arrangement that means both of you can provide clean, safe homes for your kids. Ultimately that is all either of you need to be able to do and its up to you both how it happens.

If you are asking for the amount of maintenance that the CSA suggests then he can stick his sob story where the sun doesn't shine, he just has to get on with it.

He is rather poor if he has only $£500 a month to live on after rent but before any other bills. But that's not your problem. He has children, he should contribute towards their costs. Even people on benefits are expected to pay a token amount.

in a way i can agree with xenia, i will never date anyone who earns less than me again. exdp begrudges my wages (im not a particularly high earner im band 7 nhs but was double his £16k) and always wanted me to pay for everything. the fact i earnt more than him was a major bugbear for him and as such i dont think he ever felt equal. it never mattered to me but it was a big factor for him.

worley, if he resents band 7 wages then it is him who has issues not that the pay is an issue as such IYSWIM.

Minus273 oh i know. he does have so many issues (he has recently been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder after taking an overdose and his flatmates found him in time) and i remember to start with things were fine (we were together 13 yrs) but it all seem to disintergrate until it got so bad and i discovered his affairs. now hes been diagnosed i realise all his emotional controlling issues were partly due to bi-polar but i still dont dare argue to much with him incase he takes an overdose again.
rock and a hard place

:( worley remember if he ever does (and I hope not) remember its not your fault nor is it likely to be anybody elses.

Well, the Joseph Rowntree Foundation reckon that a single person paying £400 a month rent needs to earn £17,749 a year to maintain a minimum standard of living. So he earns significantly under their figure.

But then, so do most of us, I think... There is a calculator on the website.

Oh 17K, yes please.

I know - it would be lovely to live in the world as the JR Foundation think it should be...

If everyone earned what they say we should or more would prices not be driven up? I will freely admit to having no economics qualifications whatsoever.

Just tried the calculator and we should be earning £34K. That is never going to happen.