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Original poster

to complain to the school about what rugby coach said?

146 replies

olderyetwider · 13/10/2011 13:22

GS (11) has just started rugby coaching as out of hours activity at school. The coaches are sports students from local university. Gs enjoyed his first session very much. While telling me about it he said that the coach said it was a tough game, and they mustn't 'bitch out' when tackled etc. I explored this a bit and apparently the coach said that it means acting like a girl when faced with bigger players etc. (GS also said coach said not to tell teachers about the language)

I can't stand that word, or the denigration of girls implied by it, and it's not the way we've brought him up to think about girls

Is it me being a humourless old feminist, or should I complain?

OP posts:
pigletmania · 13/10/2011 14:52

Adults fine but not 11 year old kids

porcamiseria · 13/10/2011 14:52

OH FFFS he is a rugby coach

not a diversity and gender counsellor

get a fucking grip

mollymole · 13/10/2011 14:53

As a sports coach I am concerned about the 'not telling' aspect as it is a basic priciple of coaching young people that what is spoken is 'open'. However, in the context of the sport being coached I am not surprised by the
term being used by a young, inexperienced coach. He will learn by experience and if you go whinging about something that you have applied out of context then you will be doing more damage than good.
I am an experienced coach, but I made mistakes in my early days and I learned from them. I am also of the 'old school' and do believe in telling it like it is (where it is appropriate) and have always had good feedback from the majority of parents who usually say that they wish that teachers were allowed to teach in the way that I coach

Whatmeworry · 13/10/2011 14:56

the girls at DS's school are currently asserting their right to play rugby

DH coached girls and boys, at 9-11 the girls were often bigger, faster, smarter. The girls only played tag officially but sometime played with tackling in practice games....mixed rugby can be a real shock to the boys :)

Greythorne · 13/10/2011 14:57

Olderyetwiser
Please feel free to post on the feminism board for some more responses from those like younwho don't think it appropriate to denigrate girls.

And yes, youllbewaiting "man up" and "grow a pair" have been challenged on the feminist board.

OP - complain.

AmberLeaf · 13/10/2011 14:57

The 'not telling' part was probably said swiftly after he realised he'd just said bitch in front of a group of 11 yr olds!

I wouldnt complain, sport is like that you may not like or agree with it but its how it is.

Ive actually heard worse from parents on the sidelines of a match.

Grammaticus · 13/10/2011 15:01

Beverly Grin
struggling with the iPad again Pag?

DS2 did karate for a while. The coach used to tell them "no girly punches", saying it to boys and girls including his own daughter!

Fixture · 13/10/2011 15:02

Yes I would complain, firstly about the language but also that the coach was trying to get students to keep quiet about it.

complexnumber · 13/10/2011 15:08

Are you people seriously saying there are rugby coaches out there who are so over-sensitive they take comments by parents personally and then punish the kids by not picking them for the team? The hypocrisy of telling the kids to be tough on the pitch and then being sulky wusses themselves is astounding.

Anyone working with kids needs the hide of a rhino, if the coach can't deal with parents without taking it personally, and doesn't have full control of his mouth and brain, he might as well find out now before he goes any further in a career. For some reason I'm imagining this coach as a trainee PE teacher.

TheTenantOfWildfellHall · 13/10/2011 15:11

The professional thing for the rugby coach to have done would have been to tell someone at the school and apologise. That way, the school would be well prepared for any parent who did complain and the wind would be blown completely out of their sails.

stealthsquiggle · 13/10/2011 15:13

"Are you people seriously saying there are rugby coaches out there who are so over-sensitive they take comments by parents personally and then punish the kids by not picking them for the team?"

Yes - but I don't think it's about taking it personally or being sulky - it's more "if I pick Johnny and he gets hurt/upset/sworn at then I'll have his mother on my back complaining that someone picked on her little darling - more trouble than it's worth - so I'll pick someone else instead"

I never said it was a good, or even defensible, attitude - but it is reality in some cases.

incognitofornow · 13/10/2011 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrSpoc · 13/10/2011 15:18

no one is saying that complexnumber, but turn it around and i think most agree that this is PC not only gone mad but gone histerical.

Why do peole try to find offence in every little thing. In order to protect our little darlings should we scrap sport all together or any other kind of competition???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Ragwort · 13/10/2011 15:20

My DH is a rugby coach and had to go on an 'equalities' training course - he was told they are not allowed to refer to female rugby players as 'girls' as this might be seen as offensive Confused - could only use the term 'women' (for six year olds) !

All the coaches nod and make the right remarks during the training, you can imagine what they think and say afterwards in the bar Grin.

MrSpoc · 13/10/2011 15:24

really ragwort? what numpty (oohps can i say that incase i offend real numpties) came up with that tosh.

frikonastick · 13/10/2011 15:25

wait........so, y'all would be saying this isnt an issue if the op had written

GS (11) has just started rugby coaching as out of hours activity at school. The coaches are sports students from local university. Gs enjoyed his first session very much. While telling me about it he said that the coach said it was a tough game, and they mustn't 'paki out' when tackled etc. I explored this a bit and apparently the coach said that it means acting like a pakistani when faced with bigger players etc. (GS also said coach said not to tell teachers about the language)

I can't stand that word, or the denigration of pakistanis implied by it, and it's not the way we've brought him up to think about pakistanis

Is it me being a humourless old non racist or should I complain?

really? alrighty then..........Hmm

because if not, then basically the general consenus seems to be that as long as its only women that are being denigrated, its all cool.

MrSpoc · 13/10/2011 15:30

frikonastick what the fuck does Paki Out mean??? You cannot make up a shit, no meaning word to try and fit your agenda. Grow up. what is acting like a pakistani mean exactly. Have you ever heard of this term before??????????

Pagwatch · 13/10/2011 15:30

Stealth
I don't think the idea that a coach might get arsy if complaints are made is radical.
But neither do I think it is limited to sports coaching.
Every week there is a thread on the board about
" my dds teacher said/did/wrote this. Should I go in and complain about it" which often gets the reply "go in by all means and the staff room will piss themselves laughing about the batty mum in class 3G"

So is it really an outrageous jump to think that, if two pupils are similarly able and you have to chose which one attends the match, training pick up and possibly tours..... Are you going to chose boy A whose family complained about your best student coach.

My ds heard shit all over school about disability. I talked to him about it until he went to school and told them to stop himself.

Swanning in and complaining may be the right thing. It may well. But the gs will pick up any tab.
If it is important enough to the op to continue then great. But her gs doesn't have that choice does he?

And thinking the op shouldn't go in because of the reality of what may happen is not the same as thinking it is fine to denigrate girls. I say that as the mum of a rugby playing dd

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 13/10/2011 15:30

Totally agree frikonastick. Can't believe how many people feel it is OK to use language like this and think that it has no impact on the way people view women.

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 13/10/2011 15:32

Don't be ridiculous MrSpoc. And stop with all the question marks. You are making yourself look foolish.

frikonastick · 13/10/2011 15:33

mrspoc, my example is to illustrate the substituting the workd bitch for any other insulting term such as paki shows the argument that it is not offfensive, to be untrue.

and i chose pake because it is a common racially denegrative held view that indians cant play sport. much like jews.

both of which are offensive views to hold

im sorry that wasnt clear to you in your first reading

frikonastick · 13/10/2011 15:34

apologies paki

squeakytoy · 13/10/2011 15:35

Anyone who thinks that substituting the word "bitch" with "paki" is anywhere near comparable has gone past the point of political correct lunacy and ventured into fully blown crazy...

No wonder this country is in such a frigging mess....

frikonastick · 13/10/2011 15:37

so you ascribe to the shool of thought that as long as its only women being denigrated, its ok squeakytoy?

interesting

MrSpoc · 13/10/2011 15:37

realy foolish by making up a word that is not used in any context. Paki ing around what the fuck does it mean? No one has used this yet bitching is a universal word used b y both sexes that means stop complaining. it has nothing to do with gender has most have pointed out.