AIBU to tell them to piss off?!

[BabyMama212]

I've got a beautiful 3-month-old son, he was 9lb 4 at birth and is now a rather hefty 14lb 1lb. Today I gave him his first taste of baby rice and he loved it.

The reasons why I gave him baby rice today are as follows:

• He started sleeping through the night at seven weeks, but now he wakes for a feed again.
• Halfway through his feed he tries to physically push his bottle away, then complains because he is still hungry
• He chews his hands before and after each feed
• He is absolutely fascinated with our food and drink
• He tries to pick up our food
• God help us if we sit down to a meal and he isn't there. He'll even wake up from a nap if he realizes we're eating without him.
• He refuses to nap during the daytime when before he would sleep for two hours at a time and then be awake for 4-5. And if he DOES nap, he'll sleep for maybe half-an-hour, then get grumpy because he is very tired.

The trouble is that obviously, this incited the wrath of several mums I know who went ballistic on me for weaning before the 17-week mark. I've said that it's my decision, all of the signs are there and they've been there long enough for me to know that this isn't just a growth-spurt but a real thing, but of course they won't listen. One even borderline-accused me of child abuse.

I've told them to butt out and stop being so judgeypants, as I didn't judge them on deciding to start their child on pureéd food at the age of eight months, but they've really upset me.

I realize that the guidelines are there for a reason... but guidelines and just that - GUIDELINES! Aren't they? I'm prepared for abuse from other people on here, but I just want to know.... AIBU?!

No-one's mentioned the most important point. Who the hell wants to deal with food poos any earlier than they have to? Milk poo is much more pleasant. For this reason leave it as long as possible I say.

I really didn't want to get drawn in to this debate - last time I got sucked in I had to deal with smuggy mc smugton telling me "well my baby had unrestricted access to the boob, and so I didn't wean until six months."

My Ds was 9lb born. From day 1 he hated milk. He cried, screamed, squirmed and fussed at every feed. He was hospitalised twice and was eventually diagnosed as having silent reflux. Although what was silent about it I'll never know. Anyway he had failure to thrive, we tried gaviscon, ranitidine (sp?) - incidentally, has anyone ever tried that stuff? It tastes like nail varnish remover. Nothing worked. Tbh I think by that stage he was too scared to drink milk bless him. He was exactly the same as your baby by 12 wks op, and the paediatrician suggested.... Da da da daaaa baby rice. It was like a magic cure. He yomped and yomped and yomped. He slept, he smiled.

Now, I know he is an exception to this debate you're all having. But. The reason I'm telling it is because, when this happened I had a very interesting chat with the paediatrician. He basically said that there were new studies taking place that contradicted the current advice. And that in his opinion, and yes it was his opinion, based on the research he had seen, guidelines would eventually shift away from six months. He also said that six months was a general guideline. Some were sooner and some were later, and factors such as weight did affect this.

I try to remember that all research is funded. None is completely unbiased - it can't be. Lots of it includes can not will/ does, might not definitely etc... Yes you should pay attention to it, but as a guide not a manual.

Dd1 incidentally was not weaned until 8mths as that was when she was ready. Ds was 12 wks, (although he didn't have anything other than rice until he was 4mths) and Dd2 I have just weaned at 18wks - after her refusing milk for two weeks, she was literally surviving on one feed a day - I kid you not. In between she was just spitting milk out. Walk a mile in the shoes of a mum with a hungry baby, before you criticise the choices she makes. And be very careful about what you base your choices on.

Well I am open to be corrected ofcourse. I am not an expert on this subject afterall.
Although feeding a baby who can't sit unaided and hasn't lost his tongue thrust reflex, doesn't sit right with me. It goes against my instincts.
Luckily both my DCs were satisfied with milk till 6 months (my DD now 14 months would have been happier for even a few months more!), so I've never had to deal with a hungry baby who went on a milk strike. That must be hard.

imo yabu. baby rice is muck for a start. and can your baby sit up? what are you going to do, shovel it in while they are lying back in their baby chair, their car seat or sit them in one of those awful bumbo contraptions? imo better to wait until they can sit up, pick up a piece of food, stick it in their mouth and swallow it - probably around the middle of the first year - they're all different. makes sense to me, but as time goes by i realise that people think differently about things and i can't do much about it. good luck with what you decide.

The new mothers of infants seem to be the most passionate, prescriptive and didactic on the issue. I think that needs to be balanced by, you know what, been there, done it, seen it, it's not exactly the way you think.

Couldn't agree more Blueberties

Blueberties - The King's College Study doesn't challenge anything as yet, because it's not completed. It'll be a few years before they establish atopy/allergy rates in their study babies.

I got a leaflet about enrolling DS in it, but chickened out .

You're right to say it doesn't refute anything but the ideas behind it are quite challenging I think.

Have you tried changing the teat for one with more holes? Maybe he is frustrated that he's not getting it fast enough?

You'd be surprised to know that I listen to my instincts above all else. I did NOT wean dd at 26 weeks, I weaned her when she was ready. I maintain that instincts cannot tell you a baby's gut is sealed. You can know they're hungry, no more, no less.

I will say it again. I do not care what somebody does with their own children in general terms, but I care that they are supported AND they have all the information. All the things the op thinks are signs of readiness are not. There is nothing wrong with pointing that out.

I think there's a real problem with people desperately wanting tiny babies to grow up too fast. They want them to sleep for many hours in a go overnight with no sustenance, they want large gaps between feeds and this desperation often translates into early weaning because you feel you need to do something, anything. Women aren't supported to parent what a baby actually is but what people tell them they should be. The goals people aim for are unfair on everybody, especially the baby who needs to wake up regularly for its own survival. You keep your baby in your room for you for a reason. They're programmed to sleep lightly and wake often. Sucking is a reflex for them. They need to feed often. It's really bloody tough and people are always trying to solve what isn't actually a problem.

There's v little chance that early weaning will damage most babies. My niece will NEVER recover from being weaned at 11 weeks. SIL weaned her because she'd started asking for a night feed at 3am. She is a v v v rare case I admit but she will live with the consequences forever.

If you ignore the 6 month rule entirely and say 'look at the signs', I think this would cut out a lot of the arguing. If the op's baby can sit unaided, has no tongue thrust reflex and can pick up and put food in its mouth then I would be saying it's probably time and the baby's letting your know. At 12 weeks I very much doubt this to be the case.

There is something wrong with mocking the maternal instinct though Feel. There's nothing wrong with your opinions, they seem quite well-founded, but the mocking and the didactism detract.

Are you sure early weaning is the cause of the atopy in your relative's baby? Other things happen around that time which are probably more of a trauma to the immune system - infant vaccinations for example.

The recommended age for weaning is 26 weeks. Your baby is only half that. I really think you just need to give him more milk. The 17 weeks thing is an absolute bare minimum and I really think you should stick to it at the very least. Don't think of it as he's only a few weeks off 17 weeks, think of it as he's a long way of 26 weeks and not yet 17 weeks.

louloucapone I think your paed and my paed are talking about the same studies!

For whoever was at what I said last night this was my gastro-paed's response (and I told her I'd be posting it here so she emailed it to me):

'The guidelines stating weaning should commence ideally from six months are based on studies and projected outcomes. Such studies are constantly happening and projected outcomes change accordingly.

In my clinics I rarely see healthy low-weight babies who are not ready for weaning at six months - obviously I don't often see healthy babies or those without problems. However, I have seen babies with problems where I have recommended delaying weaning with the proviso that their changing nutritional needs are met another way. There are some healthy babies who will not be ready at six months and if I were to see them in clinic I would have no hesitation in recommending the same for them.

Larger babies are often (this is not to say always) ready for weaning earlier. They are physically more mature in the same way that larger (not fatter) girls mature and reach puberty often sooner than their smaller counterparts. One size never fits all, whether we are discussing clothing or health.

When a parent decides to wean their child is a personal decision. It should be made based upon facts and evidence along with a good helping of common sense and instinct. When there is an imbalance in that then it can be a problem.

As we discussed in clinic, S is a large baby who is not yet ready for solids. However, in order to get him to take his medication a small amount of fruit puree is going to be fine. I reassert my professional opinion that he will likely require weaning before the six month recommendation, both due to his size and his significant reflux problem, and we will revisit this at our next appointment.'

Hope that helps

You know your baby the best!
I found DD cried through every meal we had, and we used to eat in shifts so she could be comforted, so I know the feeling!
We started to give her a taste of what we were having by dabbing our finger in the gravy etc. so she didnt feel she was missing out at our meal times. We started this at about 14weeks.

If weaning earlier than 17 weeks has such terrible consequences, then why at one stage was weaning also "recommended" by health professionals at a much earlier age? Both my DDs were weaned at the recommended guidelines at the time and neither have suffered the supposed dire consequences for the rest of their lives.

Every child is different, but the mother's instinct is the most important because you know your child better than anyone else. Ask for advice by all means, but go with what is right for your child.

he is your baby, so use your judgement. These other mothers should spend their energy on their own children rather than floating around convinced they are child rearing experts and can therefore judge other parents. A simple, "seeing as you feel free to criticize my parenting, I assume it is fine for me to tell you what i think of your parenting skills".
These reccomendations change all the time, thirty years ago good mothers laid their babies on their fronts, now they lay them on their backs. You are his mother, use your own judgement. If thse other mothers have to rely on books then that is up to them.

I bet if someone said to these mothers they should formula feed they would start telling you how breastmilk is natural and what mothers have relied on for generations. Well the same goes for maternal instinct, it is there for a reason and has been around a lot longer than guidelines.

Have you considered that the child may be teething.

He started sleeping through the night at seven weeks, but now he wakes for a feed again.- he is approaching the 16 week growth spurt. this is natural and means he requires more milk, plenty of calories in milk. not sure why you would change his diet as a result of a completely natural growth spurt.

• Halfway through his feed he tries to physically push his bottle away, then complains because he is still hungry wind perhaps?
• He chews his hands before and after each feed before and after? so it isn't hunger then
• He is absolutely fascinated with our food and drink and probably the cat aswell but wouldn't digest it very well if you pureed it
• He tries to pick up our food again, would probably try and pick up the cat too, babies learn what things are by putting them in their mouths
• God help us if we sit down to a meal and he isn't there. He'll even wake up from a nap if he realizes we're eating without him. what utter tripe. how can he realise you are eating without him if he is asleep?
• He refuses to nap during the daytime when before he would sleep for two hours at a time and then be awake for 4-5. And if he DOES nap, he'll sleep for maybe half-an-hour, then get grumpy because he is very tired. common sense would tell you that he needs less slepp than he did as a newborn. did you honestly think he would sleep for 2 hours til he started school? babies change as they grow, it doesn't mean they want or need baby rice

buttonmoon I don't think anyone is judging people who wean on medical advice. More the poeple who wean once they see a few of what they perceive to be signs. Some people I know have actually gone out of their way to lie to hcp's because they don't want to be told to wait.
If weaning early is shown to be risky surely you would have to be damn sure your child needed solids. And that, for me, would involve consulting with a doctor and the child showing more than a few signs of readiness that can also indicate other things such as teething and normal child development.

I agree.

However, my post was in response to shriiieeek's utterly patronising tone beginning with my post at 21.48 last night if you're interested.

Sorry - didn't mean to sound short - typing one handed!

I wouldn't do it - mainly due to health reasons. Have you read the research on early weaning? It's not a good thing.

I think many of your signs are not really signs either. Lots of babies show interest in lots of different things including food but that doesn't mean they are ready for the next step.

Also babies do sleep less in the day the older they get. Babies do have growth spurts and babies do chew thier hands when teething.

Shutupanddrive That was my first thought as well when Op mentioned her DS pushing the bottle away.

Op, try changing th teats on your bottles for the next stage up, sounds to me he needs a more faster flowing teat.