Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell them to piss off?!

325 replies

BabyMama212 · 10/10/2011 21:14

I've got a beautiful 3-month-old son, he was 9lb 4 at birth and is now a rather hefty 14lb 1lb. Today I gave him his first taste of baby rice and he loved it.

The reasons why I gave him baby rice today are as follows:

  • He started sleeping through the night at seven weeks, but now he wakes for a feed again.
  • Halfway through his feed he tries to physically push his bottle away, then complains because he is still hungry
  • He chews his hands before and after each feed
  • He is absolutely fascinated with our food and drink
  • He tries to pick up our food
  • God help us if we sit down to a meal and he isn't there. He'll even wake up from a nap if he realizes we're eating without him.
  • He refuses to nap during the daytime when before he would sleep for two hours at a time and then be awake for 4-5. And if he DOES nap, he'll sleep for maybe half-an-hour, then get grumpy because he is very tired.

The trouble is that obviously, this incited the wrath of several mums I know who went ballistic on me for weaning before the 17-week mark. I've said that it's my decision, all of the signs are there and they've been there long enough for me to know that this isn't just a growth-spurt but a real thing, but of course they won't listen. One even borderline-accused me of child abuse.

I've told them to butt out and stop being so judgeypants, as I didn't judge them on deciding to start their child on pureéd food at the age of eight months, but they've really upset me.

I realize that the guidelines are there for a reason... but guidelines and just that - GUIDELINES! Aren't they? I'm prepared for abuse from other people on here, but I just want to know.... AIBU?!

OP posts:
GuillotinedMaryLacey · 11/10/2011 07:50

Oh they are. Guidelines? Pah! Our mothers never had Guidelines and they coped! Stone age woman never had Guidelines etc etc.

But fwiw, no one in RL ever asked me when I weaned dd so I must live amongst a spectacularly uninquisitive group of people or the OP volunteered the information knowing there was a reasonable chance it would kick off.

Blueberties · 11/10/2011 07:55

That's not the same as saying the guidelines are shite though. It's pointing out that the guidelines forty years ago were different, practices were different and we don't all suffer regressive autism and organ failure. These things are true.

Blueberties · 11/10/2011 07:57

To be honest I find it rather odd that people swallow the idea that the increase in allergies over the last 10-15 years is due to early weaning, when weaning used to be much earlier indeed in the middle of the last century.

WoeIsMeAgain · 11/10/2011 08:11

17 wks is the absolute minimum recommended, by those who know,

thats this week

next week it will be something completely different

most of us have strapping kids who were fed much earlier than that

startwig1982 · 11/10/2011 08:17

I'm sure the government recently said that babies don't need to be ebf until 6 months and recommend solids before then.

DuelingFanjo · 11/10/2011 08:41

no, the government didn't. A repot with lots of maybes did. Plus it certainly wasn't about breastfeeding it was about milk be it formula or breast. Wasn't in any way about being ebf.

loveglove · 11/10/2011 08:47

You know your baby. If you are worried, see your GP. Everyone else can fuck the fuck off.

hells1908 · 11/10/2011 09:12

I stayed in France with my PILs from when DS was 4 weeks and I had to practically restrain them from shoving coq au vin down his throat...I exaggerate, but he did start eating our fruit and veg mashed from about 12 weeks (obviously in addition to being BF too). I genuinely think his little French sojourn - the tastes he was getting so early on both through my BM and the solid home cooked French food - has helped with his palate as he's an incredibly adventurous eater. Though still FAR too much ketchup for my liking which obviously horrifies les Francais...

You know your kid best. There weren't many HVs, Daily Mail journos or MNers in the caves, and we kinda did OK as a species.

FeelMyWraith · 11/10/2011 09:16

I very much like what happens to a weaning thread on aibu.

Am I wrong to make an uninformed decision?
You know your bubs hun
Some factual information
You know your bubs hun
Some factual information
You know your bubs hun
Some factual information
Anecdote dressed up as data
You know your bubs hun
Weary factual information
Silly comparison
You know your bubs hun
Some sighing and ennui
Thread peters out

I assume my post was completely ignored last night. The fact that the guidelines haven't changed for 8yrs and have only changed very slightly in 30yrs has been entirely ignored in favour of squawked 'they change every week' type sentiments.

The true signs of readiness ignored. The actual guidelines which say to look at your individual baby and read the signs ignored in favour of 'not all babies are the same' screeched at volume. I'd like to see a link to where anybody at all said all babies are the same.

Does this happen to every topic in aibu that involves risk and research. Shall we have a vaccinations debate based on the argument 'stone age women didn't vaccinate and...' and 'my mother made her own vaccinations out of slugs and hemp and I'm alright jack'. Screw the research, stick it to da man, you know your bubs hun etc.

Everybody should make a decision based on the baby they have in front of them and knowledge of the facts. Then it's an informed decision. But when it's an uninformed decision based on red herrings, these threads are pretty abysmal.

BTW my 5wo watches me eat. He also feeds hourly. He's gained 5lbs in 5 weeks and leapt the centiles. He wakes a lot at night. His naps are all over the place. I assume he's just a baby and these behaviours will continue for months to come. What I expect to happen on top of this normal behaviour is that he will start to sit up, he will lose the reflex which prevents him from eating solids and he will be developmentally able to pick up food and eat it himself. I'm not using signs which are present from birth as evidence of gut maturation. 3-6 months is hard. They're trapped in little prisons pretending to be bodies and they're frustrated and contrary. It's hard work for everybody. But mushed up rice isn't the answer.

GetOrfMo1Land · 11/10/2011 09:17

U know ur bub, hun.

x

topknob · 11/10/2011 09:20

OMG the comments I have read on here, wreckless, unreasonable etc..fgs they are guidelines and guidelines only ! EVERY BABY IS DIFFERENT !! and every mum is different, as long as mum and baby are happy what does it matter !!!!!!! The age for weaning babies is always changing...you know your baby and do what makes him/her happy !

topknob · 11/10/2011 09:22

If your baby is feeding hourly...when does he sleep at 5 weeks old?

slavetofilofax · 11/10/2011 09:27

I can't believe how self righteous some people can be.

Ok, so the guidelines are to wean at 6 months now. But the guidelines haven't been around long enough to have any conclusive proof that they work. If it's about preventing future health problems, then we need to wait until the future beforw we can really tell if it has all been worth it.

The people who make up these guidelines aren't God. They are just trying something out in the hope that it will work.

Same as when I was pregnant, all mothers were told not to eat nuts because it would increase the baby's chance of having a nut allergy. Turned out that they were just doing a study to see if banning nuts from pregnant women would decrease the nut allergy diagnosis rate. It didn't. So they got rid of the rule that was promoted as gospel.

I suspect this weaning advice stems from something simelar.

FeelMyWraith · 11/10/2011 09:33

Well he feeds for 25 minutes and sleeps for 35 minutes generally. He also feeds in his sleep if he can get away with it. Why?

mollymole · 11/10/2011 09:34

You know your own child and every child is different -and i would not discuss it with other mothers as it is none of their business

FeelMyWraith · 11/10/2011 09:34

Did you see the bit where I explained that the guidelines say every baby is different and to be led by them and the signs they are displaying. Is that not looking at individual babies?

TheSkiingGardener · 11/10/2011 09:37

None of the signs you describe are signs of readiness for weaning. The 3 signs are sitting unaided, loss of tongue thrust reflex and ability to put food into their mouths on their own.

Weaning early increases the risk of allergies. If you are wrong and your child develops allergies are you ok with the fact that you may have caused it? That's what you have to decide.

Blueberties · 11/10/2011 09:38

Feelmywriath, is that how people talk on other sites? I've never visited.

I appreciate it must be very frustrating to you when people don't listen when you feel know more than they do. I think it must the great aim of health authorities for collective amnesia to settle on the entire population so that no one remembers what happened before we were told what to do by the guv'mnt.

Blaming allergies on early weaning doesn't make sense when weaning used to be very, very early in the fifties and sixties and the great rise in atopy has happened over the last ten to fifteen years.

Connecting studies on organ failure to early weaning are probably an exercise in futility as they'll be retrospective, struggling to find a control, subject to memory bias, confounded by fifty years of lifestyle factors and so on.

The baby will proabbly be fine.

And contrary to your mocking tone, a mother's instinct is very important indeed. Are you trying to dismiss this?

topknob · 11/10/2011 09:40

I was thinking you must be really tired tbh...how do you get anything done in a day? I thought two hourly feeding a few years back now was bad...but hourly ! I hope he settles down soon for you.

CustardCake · 11/10/2011 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 11/10/2011 09:49

Feelmywrath - goodness what a pompous couple of posts there!

Mishy1234 · 11/10/2011 09:55

If you have taken all the information into account and are happy to start weaning then YANBU.

It's irritating to feel you have to justify your decisions, but it's part of parenting I'm afraid!

WoeIsMeAgain · 11/10/2011 09:58

what if a study comes out next week saying NEVER under any circumstances give your kid solids until 3 years old!

would you all baaaa and follow - or would you use your nouse and say nah

just go with what you think your baby needs. contrary to popular MN beliefs, babies did survive prior to the internet and self 'help' books

choceyes · 11/10/2011 10:03

Feelmywrath - I loved your posts, at least someone is talking sense.

YABU to wean so early. Weaning before 6 months has no benefits (unless medically advised, in cases of reflux etc), and only possible risks. So why take the risk?
YOur reasons for thinking your baby is ready for solids aren't proper reasons. Sitting up unaided, lost of tongue thrust reflex, ability to pick up food and put in mouth and chew, are the things to look out for.

And in the stone age........woman would not have fed their infants food when they can't even sit up straight, why would they bother?! It's easier just to breastfeed.

Blueberties · 11/10/2011 10:08

Choceyes: perhaps you should look at the link above to the King's College Study. It challenges your beliefs.