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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to tell them to piss off?!

325 replies

BabyMama212 · 10/10/2011 21:14

I've got a beautiful 3-month-old son, he was 9lb 4 at birth and is now a rather hefty 14lb 1lb. Today I gave him his first taste of baby rice and he loved it.

The reasons why I gave him baby rice today are as follows:

He started sleeping through the night at seven weeks, but now he wakes for a feed again.
Halfway through his feed he tries to physically push his bottle away, then complains because he is still hungry
He chews his hands before and after each feed
He is absolutely fascinated with our food and drink
He tries to pick up our food
God help us if we sit down to a meal and he isn't there. He'll even wake up from a nap if he realizes we're eating without him.
He refuses to nap during the daytime when before he would sleep for two hours at a time and then be awake for 4-5. And if he DOES nap, he'll sleep for maybe half-an-hour, then get grumpy because he is very tired.

The trouble is that obviously, this incited the wrath of several mums I know who went ballistic on me for weaning before the 17-week mark. I've said that it's my decision, all of the signs are there and they've been there long enough for me to know that this isn't just a growth-spurt but a real thing, but of course they won't listen. One even borderline-accused me of child abuse.

I've told them to butt out and stop being so judgeypants, as I didn't judge them on deciding to start their child on pureéd food at the age of eight months, but they've really upset me.

I realize that the guidelines are there for a reason... but guidelines and just that - GUIDELINES! Aren't they? I'm prepared for abuse from other people on here, but I just want to know.... AIBU?!

OP posts:

banana87 · 10/10/2011 22:33

Have only read page 1 of this thread but I just wanted to say to those who are scaremongering the OP that baby rice will cause later digestive problems and allergies are full of shite. Baby rice WILL NOT cause the same problems as done fruit and vegetables will at this early age. In the US, some babies are given baby rice in their milk for reflux at the age of 5 weeks (I.e. My cousin). So lay off!

OP, YANBU to follow your baby's lead.

And also, this is the first I've heard of "6 months, minimum 17 weeks" . I remember being slated if starting my baby on rice at 17 weeks...

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 10/10/2011 22:39

Babymama, I think people are maybe just trying to stop you from basing your decision on, well, the wrong things really. The stuff you're describing isn't really telling you whether your baby's gut is ready for solids or not.

Like, say, if someone said she was going to stop BF because her boobs were too small to make enough milk? A lot of people would be telling her she's wrong, not because formula is poison, but because she's making her decision on the wrong evidence?

Like if someone said, "well, I was always put on my front to sleep as a baby so it's good enough for DS, these guidelines keep changing anyway"? We have research now that we didn't have thirty years ago to show it's not a good idea.

It's certainly your baby, your decision; but you should be sure you're making that decision on the best evidence available. Maybe your friends are just concerned that you've missed some info?

GreenEyesandNiceHam · 10/10/2011 22:40

I really don't get the 'guidelines are just that- guide lines' argument.

Well of course they are- they can't be called 'rules' can they, they can't be enforced or subject to the weight of the law. They are based on the most up to date scientific evidence though, whether people like it or not.

whathappenedtom · 10/10/2011 22:41

Should of breastfed.

stayforappledunking · 10/10/2011 22:44

My eldest was weaned at three months. I was told to by my gp, not because she was big, but because she had silent reflux. He said it would strengthen the stomach valve and solid food would be harder to repeat on her. I remember feeling totally put out. It was so strongly put out there that weaning before 4 months was dangerous. Yet here was my doctor saying do it. As it was, I went ahead and it did improve her reflux. She is now a very healthy 6 year old with a good appetite and no allergies. That doesnt mean I would advocate weaning before 4 months minimum, just that I know how confusing the whole weaning thing can be. I can say, if it hadnt been for a medical reason/advised by gp, I would never have considered it. There has to be some risk there for there to be such controversy. So why risk it?

GruffalowsMammy · 10/10/2011 22:59

I agonized over weaning a 3 months. Subsequently read a new report listing the behavior you mention (interested in food etc etc) as the cues we should take to start weaning. I do think if weaning before 17 weeks was so terrible then wouldn't all our parents gp etc have lots of digestive/ weight issues?

Do what you think best and tell everyone else to mind their own bloody business.

JugsMcGee · 10/10/2011 23:24

What boulevard said.

Also, what is this "big baby" malarkey? DS was 7.4 at birth and 17lb by 14 weeks. He didnt start weaning til 6 months. Being bigger doesn't equal needing solids.

SpectralHarrassmentPandaPop · 10/10/2011 23:39

I would put most of those 'signs' down to early teething symptoms - which can occur for a long time before any teeth appear. Being unsettled during feeds, refusing naps, hand chewing are all indicative of this. showing an interest in things, trying to pick them up and wanting to be with parents I would just class as normal baby behaviour.
Going on what you've written I personally wouldn't have risked weaning so early but your 'friends' are also BU to accuse you of child abuse.

SpectralHarrassmentPandaPop · 10/10/2011 23:42

Also there are a lot of things which can be indicators that your child is ready to wean but they can mean other things too. I think some people think that as soon as your baby ticks a few of the boxes you should start weaning with immediate effect. Some babies need to wean early. But as it comes with risks it should be a last resort and done on medical advice imo.

Feminine · 10/10/2011 23:45

Banana I am in the US.

they do give rice in bottles ...but its only truly advised medically for reflux(as you said) its not standard.

Its the lesser of the two evils as it were.

Plus there are many different cultures here, some do it because generations in their families have...they pay no heed to 'advice'

It is 6 months here,and that is to start weaning ...gradually introducing solids over he first year (as in the UK)

OP you must do as you like :) but just so you know your son is just doing baby things ...they are not signs he wants your supper

KatieMorticiaton · 11/10/2011 02:33

Oh dear, I appear to have accidentally logged into Nethuns.

ChrissasMissis · 11/10/2011 06:42

I think the lines on weaning guidance are quite blurred at the present time. I often get myself a bit confused about baby things, as my habit is to dive into the nearest available book for advice. However, sometimes it is essential to take a step back and think "What is my baby telling me?". I remember my NCT instructor telling me that every baby is different and not to get too hung up on "advice". Well, she's right, isn't she? You sound like you've given it plenty of thought. What more can a mother do?

Also, your friend didn't give purees until eight months? Correct me if I'm wrong, but waiting that long to wean could compromise the child's iron intake...?

christmashope · 11/10/2011 07:04

Babymama212.
Your child your decision you know what's best for your baby.
I think that over the years they have kept changing the age that baby is to be weaned from and it's silly I started giving my children baby rice at 10 weeks and 11 weeks old they are now aged 5&6 and have shown no signs of any allergies etc.
You do what you think is best and just dont get into the weaning conversation with anyone for a few weeks!

MrsFruitcake · 11/10/2011 07:13

You're his Mum, you can do what you like. Personally though, I waited until around the 6 month mark with bot my DCs.

Just as an aside - a friend of mine started feeding her baby rusk in a bottle with cows milk at 2 months and letting her have all sorts of other things too early. Her child now has the most terrible eczema/skin I have ever seen. Poor child will never be free of the pain. Maybe a co-incidence? Maybe not?

PessimisticMissPiggy · 11/10/2011 07:18

IMO it's bonkers. Babies

PessimisticMissPiggy · 11/10/2011 07:23

Should have said skills to eat when they need to.

BOOareHaunting · 11/10/2011 07:25

Your meant to wait until 17 weeks?

Oh well, 7 years too late for that advice, DS was about 14/15 weeks when he started a few spoonfuls of apple puree.

My cousin started having some rice on a spoon at 5 months -and she was 4 months early

Blueberties · 11/10/2011 07:26

I do hate this compatability refresh thing, I just wrote a long post which disappeared.

The thrust of it was, that you are being told what to do in a very unpleasant way and this is very pointless with a new mum. It's going to immediately put your hackles up and make you very defensive, and certainly not in the mood to take anyone's advice/accusations/scare-mongering seriously.

If you can ignore them and put it all to one side, have a look at the guidelines, decide that you're doing what you're doing for the right reasons, then just go ahead in a calm way without having an argument with other people about it. Your baby will almost certainly be absolutely fine whatever path you choose. It's a baby's natural condition to be weaned later but you know, there are many worse things you can do. But just make sure you're not forcing the issue with weaning because now you don't want to "give in" and feel like you've been ordered about.

GuillotinedMaryLacey · 11/10/2011 07:28

If guidelines are all shite then I assume all those who know better put their babies to sleep on their fronts and and the top of the cot etc? After all, we were put to sleep on our fronts as babies and we're ok.

I don't really give a toss what or when you feed your babies but don't expect everyone to agree that your way is right. People won't agree on this.

PassTheTwiglets · 11/10/2011 07:33

I never understand why parents think that a baby showing interest in ood means they are ready to eat it. Babies are interested in everything their parents do! They're interested in watching cars go past, does that mean they're ready to drive a car?!

Blueberties · 11/10/2011 07:35

I don't think the OP expects everyone to agree that her way is right - I think that it's the other way round. I'm not sure I've seen anyone say the guidelines are shite either but one may read into a thread what one wishes.

helpmenow · 11/10/2011 07:38

Yuck to baby rice rather than pureed banana or avocado, but several mums I know who went ballistic on me for weaning before the 17-week why are you telling all your friends anyway?

Unless you live in a comune and have no privacy I'm guessing you chose to tell them. And did they really go ballistic or look a bit catsbum?

I would guess the latter. So YABABU for talking about it to people when you could have guessed their reaction.

helpmenow · 11/10/2011 07:40

Don't tell to piss off, no.

PessimisticMissPiggy · 11/10/2011 07:40

next advert for Evian?

Blueberties · 11/10/2011 07:42

I've just read your op again and you sound quite argumentative and believe me I know the signs . Are you absolutely sure you're not going ahead out of determination and pique now?

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