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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel my daughter should be able to pray at school

52 replies

Telcontar · 10/10/2011 16:18

My daughter aged 14 is Christian like me, though we are both reasonably liberal. She/a sibling has always prayed aloud before meals at home, and does so silently at school too. Recently we received a complait from her tutor though, saying she was not allowed to pray in the hall. I called a couple of my daughter's friends and they say they have no problem with it and that she never says anything, she is just quiet with her eyes shut for a minute. The tutor complained after she sat with my daughter and friends for lunch. Is it unreasonable to think this is unfair/discrimination? Should she have to stop?

OP posts:
HornySwoggle · 10/10/2011 16:20

I don't see why it would bother anyone! the tutor is being ridiculous.

gordyslovesheep · 10/10/2011 16:22

Her tutor says she is 'not allowed' to pray - well challenge that - ask the head for a copy of the policy that back that up for starters

Rivenwithoutabingle · 10/10/2011 16:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeggyCarter · 10/10/2011 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lightroom · 10/10/2011 16:23

The tutor might be irritated but has got absolutely no grounds to tell her not to pray IMO. Did you get a written complaint?

worraliberty · 10/10/2011 16:23

Are you sure there's not more to this story?

I mean if that was the case she could have simply been wondering what's for dessert with her eyes closed.

Would the Tutor have a problem with that too?

Sounds very odd.

AMumInScotland · 10/10/2011 16:24

I'd request a copy of the school rule that forbids it, I doubt there will be one! Unusual having tutors in the same dining room as the pupils though - is this a standard state school or something else?

gordyslovesheep · 10/10/2011 16:25

how did you 'recieve this complaint' ? in writting? Phone call did your daughter tell you?

Original poster
Telcontar · 10/10/2011 16:27

State school, and most of the teachers will buy lunch in the hall and sit where there is space. Very few go to their teamrooms.

The tutor sent us a brief letter about no religious expression in school and that she had to stop.

OP posts:
reallytired · 10/10/2011 16:27

I would make a formal complaint about the tutor to the school. The school should respect diversity. Its not as if your dd is forcing her religion on others.

Does the school stop muslim children from praying?

malinois · 10/10/2011 16:29

Telcontar - what country are you in? I find it hard to believe that this would happen in a UK school (but could certainly believe it in a French or US school)

gordyslovesheep · 10/10/2011 16:32

yeh I am also guessing this isn;t UK

nailak · 10/10/2011 16:33

that is outrageous tbh, shes 14 surely its her choice if she prays before eating? as long as she is not imposing her views cant see an issue.

Original poster
Telcontar · 10/10/2011 16:35

In the USA, we moved here quite recently from England. Culture shock!

I'll ask my daughter when she gets home if there are Muslim/Jewish/other students and what they are allowed to do.

OP posts:
alemci · 10/10/2011 16:36

I think this really isn't on. She is praying in her head. I think he is wrong and should be challenged.

Afterall special prayer rooms have been provided in most schools for Islamic students to be able to pray.

AMumInScotland · 10/10/2011 16:36

If there's "no religious expression in school" then it can't be UK. I think you have to ask your daughter to go along with the school's policy on this, if it's a standard policy.

If it is "visible" that your daughter is praying, and that's against school policy, then she could perhaps pray with her eyes open? Or in the queue before getting her food?

Pakdooik · 10/10/2011 16:36

The tutor is an arse!

IggyPup · 10/10/2011 16:36

I am a practising Christian and am astonished at all this anti religious feeling about. I tolerate differing religions and philosophies (well the " do no harm" ones) and can't understand why some are so aggressive in their stance against anything other than their atheism. I have been ridiculed and verbally attacked for my beliefs, by people who really are venomous in their opinions. I don't preach or force my opinions on anyone. I am happy to attend events in other churches or civil celebrations or if invited in Temples/Mosques/Synagogues. I really respect people of faith as much as people of principal who have no faith.

So why do some get all hot and bothered by a young girl saying a prayer quietly?

I just don't get it, I go with gordylovessheep. Challenge the school.

gordyslovesheep · 10/10/2011 16:37

Blime from AIBU to 'all muslims get special treatment' in less than a page Grin is this a record

anyway OP - take it up with the school :)

malinois · 10/10/2011 16:39

Telecontar - it's the USA. There is absolutely strict separation of church and state. Surely you knew this before you emigrated? If you want your daughter to be able to pray in school, you need to send her to a parochial (faith) school. It's not going to happen in a public school.

CaptainNancy · 10/10/2011 16:41

I think in the states that is right- schools are secular.

malinois · 10/10/2011 16:43

Oh, and YABU to expect your daughter to be able to pray in a public area of a US public school.

madhairday · 10/10/2011 16:45

How bizarre. I would go with talking to your dd about the fact that prayer doesn't have to be an obvious stance, ie sitting with head bowed and eyes closed. She can pray while queueing, while sitting, even while talking, without saying words as such. Prayer is an attitude of mind and heart and can be a continuous conversation. Perhaps this would be the most sensible way about it.

lightroom · 10/10/2011 16:47

If this were in the UK I'd be advising you to write to the school. But it's a completely different story in the US. We were in the US for a year and the church/state separation in school was rigorously enforced. She can keep praying though - with her eyes open, whenever she wants, because no one can police what she does in her head.

lesley33 · 10/10/2011 16:50

I lived abroad with my DC for a few years (not USA) and I know how difficult it can be. You find yourself in situations where you think what is being demanded in terms of behaviour is ridiculous, but people locally don't. If this applies to all faiths I think you need to go with it or find a way with your DD for her to pray without staff being aware.

I think it is unfair to emigrate and then expect institutions like schools to behave how they would in the UK. You are the emigrant and you need to adjust to the local culture.