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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get annoyed at comments on my pregnancy shape

31 replies

KittyAnne · 10/10/2011 10:45

..the in-laws think it's fine to openly remark that I'm big for three months. I feel like a bloated hippo anyway, I really don't need to be picked over.
Why does pregnancy mean open season for comments on someone's figure?

I'm fully aware that my hormones can turn me into a prissy bitch.
:(

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 10/10/2011 10:47

They are probably trying to be nice. Most women who I know are proud of their pregnancy bumps and want it to be noticed. I doubt they are trying to upset you at all.

BatsUpMeNightie · 10/10/2011 10:47

Well the hormones sure seem to have done their job! You'd might as well get used to it - it's called small talk and wait - here's the shocker!!! - nobody is doing it to piss you off or make you feel bad - they're just talking. Chatting. Passing the time of day. If you feel like a bloated hippo at 3 months then brace yourself .... it's going to get a lot worse!

troisgarcons · 10/10/2011 10:50

Wait till the random strangers fondling your belly starts. That'll have you reaching for sharp implements quicker than a blink of an eye

worraliberty · 10/10/2011 10:51

Oh goodness me!

If you're big for three months then you're big for three months

Bats has summed it up perfectly.

Original poster
KittyAnne · 10/10/2011 10:52

Thanks for the kick up the arse.
I've become a right c* lately.
Though I do think it will be better once I look pregnant and not just fat.

OP posts:
Cassettetapeandpencil · 10/10/2011 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

duvetdayplease · 10/10/2011 11:00

I too hated this, but believe me, when you get towards the end you will get told 'oh god you're massive you need to be induced now' and 'wow you hardly look pregnant, have you had a scan to check everything's ok' alternately.

Any police officer will tell you that most people are actually useless at judging height, weight, age or anything else so don't take it personally.

And agree with troisgarcons, so best decide now whether to tolerate or retaliate once the bump stroking starts. Urgh.

worraliberty · 10/10/2011 11:09

Just enjoy stuffing your face and getting away with it.

You can't be serious?! Shock

OP just continue to eat healthily and when you're hungry.

Remember also that you're not fat, you are pregnant so when people comment on your size...it's the size of your bump they're talking about Smile

TwoPeasOnePod · 10/10/2011 11:10

I have recently been compared to an aubergine, shape-wise... I'm 15+6 with my third, my first was a decent high bump, next ones all seem to carry low making me look tubby. I personally can't wait til I look (more) pregnant as opposed to, well, vegetable shaped?! Haha people are so rude aren't they.
DP thinks it's amazingly funny to call me Weeble, easter egg, etc... All terms of endearment I presume Smile
The best way to deter errant bump-fondlers is to point out that the baby isn't anywhere near where their hand is, but wow doesn't your bloated uterus feel nice to touch?! Wink

Original poster
KittyAnne · 10/10/2011 11:16

Yep, first one. Bit of a surprise too. Shock
I've become prickly as a rose bush, whereas before I was incredibly laid back and wouldn't have given two shits if someone said I was a hippocrocodogapig. Quite possibly because I was drunk.

I'm feeling a bit better knowing that a few of you got p1ssed off with this too. My judgement has gone to shit.

Stroking? Eww.

OP posts:
Original poster
KittyAnne · 10/10/2011 11:20

LOL@Two peas.
Or you could say 'I'm not pregnant, that's a food baby'

OP posts:
loveglove · 10/10/2011 11:23

I don't think you should be so sensitive. People have noticed you are pregnant and are interested and making conversation with you about it, which is normal, they have no intention of being mean.

It's no wonder people find it so difficult to know what to say around a pregnant woman - you'd only be whinging if no one was interested!

I think bump stroking in not on unless invited.

iwantbrie · 10/10/2011 11:46

YANBU :)
I'm 20+5 with my third and the bump sprouted very early and low this time, I got so fed up with the comments and disbelieving looks when I told people how far on i was I ended up with the stock answer of "yes, I know I'm bigger, but tbh I was fatter before I got pg this time"!
It does get tedious but people will comment on your bump at all stages, then when you give birth the comments will change to "haven't you lost the baby weight quickly?" or (my personal favourite) "I'm sure the baby weight will come off eventually"... Grin

iwantbrie · 10/10/2011 11:47

Oh, andunless you like it, be firm with the bump strokers otherwise it will be open season on your bump! If needs be, stroke their stomach back... :)

Original poster
KittyAnne · 10/10/2011 12:13

Well loveglove, I am, so there.
And no, I would not be whinging. How presumptious. I don't seek validation for my reproductive choices. You can stop circling now.

@iwantbrie has anyone ever said the phrase 'snap back' to you? Eurrrgh.

OP posts:
GumballCharm · 10/10/2011 12:16

I had people asking when I was due....baby was 2 weeks old. I just sucked it up. I DID have a big stomach due to various problems. They weren't to know. after I had DD I looked 6 months PG for a month!

People think its nice to show....stick it out and groan a bit!

LoveInAColdClimate · 10/10/2011 12:35

I think you need to just try to accept that people are trying to be nice and engage with your pregnancy. I am 17+3 and have a bump about the size of a small whale - TBH it would almost be strange if people didn't comment on it. They're not trying to be nasty - I know it's hard when you're hormonal, though. If they didn't comment, you'd probably feel upset that your ILs weren't interested in your pregnancy Grin.

loveglove · 10/10/2011 12:40

Well loveglove, I am, so there.

you're in the wrong section then aren't you? You asked were you being unreasonable...you are.

LissieLovettsDeliciousPies · 10/10/2011 12:42

what loveglove said!

loveglove · 10/10/2011 12:42

And what do you mean "stop circling"????

LoveInAColdClimate · 10/10/2011 12:43

Oh, I have just noticed that I basically just said exactly the same as loveglove - sorry, LG!

HardCheese · 10/10/2011 13:04

KittyAnne - I wouldn't drag hormones into it to 'explain' your response to comments. I'm 16 weeks pregnant today, and haven't had any hormonally-induced behaviour changes. YANBU to be irritated by people talking about what is, after all, your body. Sure, as indicated by other posters on this thread, some pregnant women don't mind, and some shrug and put up with it because the commenters don't generally intend to be rude, but you're under no obligation to respond similarly if you find the comments intrusive. Just make it politely plain that if they want to make smalltalk, that's what the weather is for.

I'm delighted by my own pregnancy changes, but I find other people's comments ignorant, and have no qualms at all about telling them so. With training, your in-laws will learn.

iwantbrie · 10/10/2011 13:06

Nope, not heard 'snap back' before!

Riddzy · 10/10/2011 13:16

It's very presumptuous to say that the OP would be upset if the ILs (or other people) didn't comment. I'm quite a private person and I really didn't want to discuss my pregnancy with all and sundry. ILs included. Not everyone wants to share every gory detail.

YANBU, OP.

HowAboutAHotCupOfShutTheHellUp · 10/10/2011 15:02

YABVU, and precious! It's called 'making conversation'. And if everyone was as touchy as you, nobody would say anything, to anybody, about anything.

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