Why are people so derisory about other people's lifestyle choices? And why on earth is it always about the women? To my mind, I am no more entitled to stay at home and enjoy bringing up my children than my husband is. Equally, it's as much my responsibility to make sure we are all fed, clothed and housed as it is my husband's. How individual families choose to share that load is entirely their own business, but it is entirely that - a choice.
I've never been a SAHM (although am likely to be due to redundancy at 5 and a half months pregnant), but my husband has been a SAHD. I think the issue is entirely down to everything being a joint effort. I loved coming home at night and not having to cook, but with that came massive responsibility. It is particularly daunting to be aware that you are entirely responsible for providing for your family financially; you are the person upon whom everyone relies in order to be fed and clothed. Equally, the SAHP is responsible for the wellbeing, safety and happiness of the children which is also a great responsibility. The children have to be cared for and the family has to be fed, and both of those are equally important, regardless of how it's split and whether or not some of the money goes towards having the children looked after.
Regardless of who does what, family life is a team effort and that's where the OP's husband seems to be failing. The children aren't the OP's children, they're their children. As this particular family chose for mum to SAH and Dad to work, his money isn't his money, its their money. When I got a bonus during the time my DH was a SAHP, it went into the family pot and everyone got nice things. Sometimes I'd buy everyone something, other times I'd leave it to DH to buy his own. I never gave him cash or offered him permission because that to my mind would suggest the money wasn't his in the first place, but generally if he hadn't bought something I'd remind him he was still 'owed' a treat. I can see OP's point, but in waiting to be given the money rather than cheerfully showing her DH the treat she bought, the OP almost seems to be perpetuating the idea that the money isn't as much hers in the first place.
Bizarrely, now that we're both working, my bonus is mine and his is his 
There's no sharing here!