about dh's bonus

[bath4]

Dh has a good job and earns enough for me to be a SAHP. We have a joint account which I rarely use and a joint credit card. I use this for day to day stuff. I don't spend a fortune on myself. Just buy essentials.
DH has just received a bonus. He has spent £200 on stuff for himself and £50 on each of 3 dc's. He has never said to me why don't you get something too.
Now in theory I could buy something but its not really about that.
I just want to treated as an equal. My contribution to household may not be monetary but its still important.
AIBU

clam it was not a comment addressed to you.at all
thats where you got it wrong and went on a roll as you put it

I didn't "get it wrong." I was contributing to the thread, as we all are entitled to do.

And thanks fab

indeed,and no one has placed obstacle or impeded your contribution clam
not even called you names
so whilst you appear to be mildly irked by my contributions.let me reassure you the feelling isnt shared

One point which I don't think anyone has mentioned yet is his attitude to you being a SAHM. Is he happy with that because he likes the idea of his kids being with their mum rather than in childcare and because he realises it makes his life easier as he doesn't have to share the housework etc? (My dh feels this way.) Or would he ideally prefer you to be at work if it was up to him, but has accepted that you want to be a SAHM?

If the former - maybe you need to remind him of this!

If the latter - that might explain why he is being a bit tight with the cash (or possibly why you feel defensive about whether or not you have a 'right' to the money - I agree with other posters that you shouldn't need his permission to spend a little extra).

indeed,couples make individual deals and expectations.depends what op and her dh discussed and agreed.mutual expectations and future plans

however, imo the op partner does need to support her return to work,share childcare costs and contribute.if op feels undervalued and beholden to his money it is time to get a job.earn own money get approbation from own external achievements

Now, that SM is the crux. If you feel undervalued financially, than ultimately only you can fix that.

yes and fix by not being beholden to his wage.
ultimately your dc will go to school,what then?cant be sahm with no kids at home

of course you can be a SAHM with children at school

I don't think I could continue to stay at home like this without making a small amount of money of my own. as I said I surprised myself this time around (tried with ds was not good for my self esteem), but I do feel slightly odd knowing I don't contribute to the roof over my head any more.

I love dh, but i would never have done this if it meant I wouldn't have been able to get a job fairly fast should we have a crisis in our marriage though. Friends have slated me for such a cynical attitude, but them's the breaks I'm afraid.

Yes AF, but if you do than your bank manager will refer to you as a "homemaker" and you will have to kill her , ok my friend didn't go as far as murder, but she did change bank accounts.

Neither could I, but I don't denigrate others for doing so.

What I have said before, however, is that SAHM's should make sure they are married or otherwise got everything tied up financially in case their husband decides to trade them in for a younger model. Having your eyes wide open can save a lot of heartache later. Which does happen with alarming regularity

Other than that, horses for courses innit

Well...

I can't imagine coming into some money and not wanting to share it with my family. Or rather, specifically excluding one person in the family from the treat, given that the children are included.

I know people do things different ways, but I just don't get it. It seems very ungenerous to me.

My kids are all at school again and my dh has no problem at all with me never going back to work. It doesn't effect anyone else so why would anyone be bothered?

AF I certainly don't (pot/kettle ) but it will always cause bunfights because for every person who takes the "you freeload" argument there is another who takes the "child neglecter" one.

And then there is just you and I AF holding hands with little faces against a sea of smug twuntiness, swirling and torrenting around, never settling....the waves of disagreement crashing down upon us.

HD, I wasn't meaning you, ya likkle luv

I meant in a general sense...people have no right to denigrate others choices, alrighty then I mean sm and xenia

I think it's ok to point out the relative pitfalls, however but after that...each to their own

< swirls around a bit more >

My kids are all at school again and my dh has no problem at all with me never going back to work

agreed AF (I think Tangerine has seasickness)

Why on earth can't you be a SAHM if your children are at school? My DH works very long, erratic hours and things would just implode if I went out to work full time too. SM what do you think SAHM's do all day - what Jezza and do crosstitch ?

Long distance mumming.

jaja- I know I'm not who you were asking, but what do I think SAHMs do when their children are at school?

Well, exactly what working mums do. Except SAHMs have all day to do it and working mums have a few hours after work.

Yeah, I'm just jealous! Would be lovely to be rich enough to never have to do a days work ever again!

not all SAHM's have massively-high earning partners, either

bloody hell, there is some generalising going on here

Well they must be better off than your average bear. Either that or good at bin raiding!

@ bin raiding

Seriously consider doing it myself every time I set foot in the supermarket and wince at the price of things! When the hell did butter get to be £1.20?!