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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not buy DD a Christmas present?

150 replies

Pippaandpolly · 09/10/2011 18:13

This is my first post in AIBU

DH thinks I'm mad because I don't think there's any point in buying DD a Christmas present. She'll be 3 months old and I imagine will be very happy playing with wrapping paper. He thinks it's mean because in years to come she'll ask what we gave her for her first Christmas and be upset it was nothing. Family are sure to give her lots of presents so it's not like I'd want to sit her in the corner with a lump of coal...

I simply do not see the point of forking out on anything expensive (unless, I suppose, it's a 'forever' present - jewellery!? Seems ludicrous) and I don't want to buy tat simply for the sake of buying something. So, AIBU, or is DH?

OP posts:

shewhowines · 10/10/2011 11:16

As a non religious person, gift giving is a major part of christmas to me. I still remember the sheer joy of seeing a huge pile of gifts left by FC. I want to recreate that magic for my own children as does your DH. I make sure that my children never get presents from us at any other time of year other than birthdays because then the thrill of anticipation and the joy of receiving something that you have wanted for a long time, is then more intense. They have loads to open including lots of tat from cheap shops as the thrill of seeing a massive pile doesn't have to be hugely expensive. (Unfortunately this won't work quite so well now they are older and want the expensive ipods etc) I love shopping for months before, looking for bargains, but this year is the first my DD has admitted she doesn't believe in FC and I'm really going to miss the enjoyment of shopping for a mountain of presents for her. Let your DH have his fun shopping for his DD's first christmas.

ceebie · 10/10/2011 11:28

I've never asked my parents what they got me for my first birthday, nor would I expect them to remember.

Totally agree that they get plenty enough presents from others. I like to get DD something very little from us, often something she needs anyway, or a small toy. She is 2 now so not at the stage of having expectations for presents. I figure by next year she will.

kiki22 · 10/10/2011 11:29

you have a full year until the next christmas surely to god you can think of something she will need in the next year. buy her some toys she might not use them straight away but she will DEFF get use out them before next xmas when she gets her next lot of toys.

I think not buying your child a xmas gift because she's to young is a bit daft she might only be 3 months but give it another few months and she will be starting to play with toys and growing out of her clothes so buy her useful things for the year ahead

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead · 10/10/2011 11:36

i didnt get anything from my parents for my first xmas (i have asked) but then i was 1 day old and still in hospital
father christmas did come to the ward and gave me a teddy though

my ds was just short of 3m last xmas and i got him a few toys for 6m+. not much tho. havent got him much this year either, he doesnt know. im saving up for playstations in years to come!!

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 10/10/2011 11:40

DD was just less than a month old at her first Christmas, and I don't think we, or anyone else, bought her anything? But then, I mean, we were still getting parcels with wee little clothes and teddies and whatnot through the post at that point. And shopping was beyond us! I mean really, those first few weeks/months after your first baby is born, you've done nothing BUT shop and receive stuff, at least it felt like it to us, so getting even more seemed just bonkers.

For her first birthday we only got her one simple gift - some wooden blocks in a wagon from IKEA, I think they were about ten quid. And neither DH or I can now remember if we got her anything for that Christmas, just over a year ago - we flew across the country to be part of his family's big Christmas celebration, so there was so much stuff I think we just didn't bother.

snoopdogg · 10/10/2011 11:41

YANBU, year one we got DS a book of classic children's stories, year two took everything back to the shop because his favourite thing was the box my shoes came in, year three took everything back because rellies had spoilt him to death. Christmas is over commercialised rubbish. bah humbug

GooseyLoosey · 10/10/2011 11:45

YANBU - but just because I like christmas, I would wrap things up for her even if all she gets out of it is poking at the paper! Would just wrap things I would have bought anyway and maybe a small teddy or something like that.

My dd has asked many times in recent years what I bought her for her first christmas. I have had to make up the answer as I have absolutely no idea.

Squitten · 10/10/2011 11:46

Well, I think YANBU

I never bought either of my kids a gift for their first Xmas (3mths and 3wks old respectively). Seemed like a thoroughly pointless exercise to buy something, wrap it up and then have to unwrap it again for a tiny baby who was most likely asleep at the time...

Scholes34 · 10/10/2011 11:49

DS2 - two weeks old for his first Christmas - two pairs of sock (we still have them to remind him what a poor deprived child he is). DD1 - six months old for her first Christmas - one high chair (very useful for us).

TheRealMrsHannigan · 10/10/2011 13:09

I would get her a keepsake, soemthing you can show her when she is older as her 'first christmas gift'.

DD was 6 weeks old on her first christmas, my DH thought presents were pointless but we got her a disney snowglobe with the year on it, plus some clothes, a teddy etc.

CrystalQueen · 10/10/2011 13:15

I can't remember if we got anything for DD's first Christmas .

iskra · 10/10/2011 14:01

Got Beatrix Pottr for my first Christmas, when I was 3 week old. The only reason I know that is because the giver (not my parents) wrote in the front, and now I read them to DD.

Yanbu. This Christmas will be the first we buy some ing for DD, shell be 3 and a half. However we will probably get the baby something - she's 3 weeks no too - just because her big sister will notice.

flicktheswitch · 10/10/2011 15:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grumplestilskin · 10/10/2011 15:32

YANBU. for DSs first and second christmas I got him a term at baby classes instead of a present. He got SOOOO much from family anyway

grumplestilskin · 10/10/2011 15:37

"Not buying your child a present on the expectation that others will is very cheeky IMO"

its not not buying because others will FOR YOU. Its not buying because you know that you will have tonnes of extra toys at that time anyway. More is pointless, unless you buy gifts that they will appreciate when they are older. But then you have to store it.

I am not into trinkets. You accumulate enough stuff that is sentimental to you because you REMEMBER it or a time/person associated with it. I'm not burdoning DCs with a pile of stuff that was bought by me just to be sentimental which he wont even remember getting!
My mum kept EVERYTHING "to pass onto me". Its all stuff she remembers from my infancy which means nothing to me. i like the stuff that's been kept from my later child hood but anything sentimental from the first years is sentimental to the parents not the child

zukiecat · 10/10/2011 15:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tanif · 10/10/2011 16:10

I was 4 months old on my first christmas. My parents didn't have a lot of free cash so the money that would have been used to buy my presents paid for teddy bear wallpaper for my bedroom. I believe I got a new dummy on the morning.

I've never been upset that they did this. I was 4 months old FFS, what difference does/did it make to me?!

Ephiny · 10/10/2011 16:18

YANBU at all, don't think there's any need to unless you want to. It'll be more for your/DHs benefit than hers as she won't understand or care! Maybe your DH could get some small token present if it's important to him?

mich54321 · 11/10/2011 00:34

My DS was 4 months old his first Christmas. We bought a 2 in 1 highchair with swing. He loved going in the swing and then we got loads of practical use with the highchair as well. We thought it was a great idea as wanted to get baby something but it not be a complete waste of money. Swing also got him to sleep many a time so money well spent !

splatt · 11/10/2011 08:14

DD was just over 2 months last christmas. We were spening Christamas day just the 3 of us. DH and I both bought her something but kept what we bought a secret from each other, so we opened the other's present with her. Limited spend to £15-£20 each. There were clothes, a toy or the car seat and a couple of books. I love looking at the photos of her 'opening' her presents.

There are so many things to buy constantly at this age, why not wrap a couple of things up? Or if you're lucky enough to havealready been given everything you could possibly ever need, still wrap some of it up?

Thzumbiewitch · 11/10/2011 08:24

(Guilty of not having read the thread)

My DS was 3 weeks old for his first Christmas, and we didn't go overboard with presents for him - he got a stuffed reindeer that he still plays with and a few little things from other family, mostly cuddly toys. But at 3mo, your DD probably has lots of cuddly stuff already so that may not work for you. Perhaps a couple of soft books would be nice - she may not need them immediately but she will soon enough!

VivaLeBeaver · 11/10/2011 08:29

Why don't you get her something like a "developmental" toy which is the sort of thing you'd be buying her anyway as she gets older and needs different stuff to stimulate her. Or new clothes - and wrap them up.

spewgloriousspew · 11/10/2011 08:54

My son will be 9 months old by xmas and I'm going to make him something, rather than fork out lots of money on stuff. Can't guarantee it'll be great, but like the OP, I don't see the point in spending lots. But I couldn't not get him anything. People keep asking us what to get him for xmas, and I just say a Boots voucher - that'll always be useful.

amistillsexy · 11/10/2011 09:02

My Ds1 was 3 months at his first Christmas. I went mad buying loads of presents...it took us 3 days to unwrap them as he fell asleep after each one!
In retrospect, it would have been better to curb the spending and buy just one toy, and maybe an outfit.
I think up till about 3 or 4 months they don't need any extra stimulation apart from human interaction. Once they start to grab and reach for things they like to have a little toy to hold and chew (around 4/5 months), so something you bought for Christmas will be coming into use around Feb/March.
It's nice to look at the photos though, and he has taken them to pre-school and school for 'when I was a baby' displays, so it's worth having a photo of DC opening a present from you just for that!

notcitrus · 11/10/2011 09:04

YANBU. I was just coping with ds as it was when he was 3mo at Christmas - we figured that we'd get some photos of him in front of the tree and that would do. There was certainly a large pile of presents.

Come the next one, age 15mo, we thought he'd be more into it and want stuff to unwrap - and discovered he had a phobia of unwrapping things! Even age 2.3 when he was excited about the idea of Christmas and presents, it took a week to get all presents unwrapped though he did explore his stocking eventually! He was very brave though and held his birthday presents recently while they were opened for him. :)

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