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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not buy DD a Christmas present?

150 replies

Pippaandpolly · 09/10/2011 18:13

This is my first post in AIBU

DH thinks I'm mad because I don't think there's any point in buying DD a Christmas present. She'll be 3 months old and I imagine will be very happy playing with wrapping paper. He thinks it's mean because in years to come she'll ask what we gave her for her first Christmas and be upset it was nothing. Family are sure to give her lots of presents so it's not like I'd want to sit her in the corner with a lump of coal...

I simply do not see the point of forking out on anything expensive (unless, I suppose, it's a 'forever' present - jewellery!? Seems ludicrous) and I don't want to buy tat simply for the sake of buying something. So, AIBU, or is DH?

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 09/10/2011 19:43

Faxittome - did I say memories could only be made if you bought something? No, so stop twisting things.

gabity · 09/10/2011 19:44

I never got DD anything last year, she was 9 months old. Not planning on getting her anything this year either. Sure she will get plenty from other people and there is nothing she really needs.

Have told family not to get her anything either but they all say they are anyway. Personally don't understand why, she has plenty already and will be more interested in the boxes and wrapping paper. What is the point of buying for the sake of buying?!

onefatcat · 09/10/2011 19:45

I think you are underestimating your dd- my dd was 4 months at her first Christmas- I will NEVER for get how she quivered with excitement at all the gifts and wappings- she sat in her bouncy chair and watched us unwrap things for her, and played with the paper and presents. She loved it!

faxittome · 09/10/2011 19:45

ChippingIn, I did not, I asked ImperialBlether what she considered the spirit of Christmas to be.

I'd be very impressed however if your 3 month old appreciated your having listened to them when they said what they wanted.

herbietea · 09/10/2011 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fatlazymummy · 09/10/2011 19:47

I bought all my kids Christmas presents for their 1st christmas. They didn't have many toys so I just bought them a couple of toys that I thought they would get some use out of in the coming year. For my eldest I got him a sit on Thomas the Tank and I have a lovely photo of him sitting on it. He got loads of use out of it.
We always bought our kids their toys at Christmas and birthdays, we didn't buy them at other times so that was really the only times they got treated. Not only that, if we hadn't done that I would have felt like they weren't really part of the family.
OP if your husband feels it is important to him then I think you should go ahead and buy at least one present, and yes wrap it up and put it under the tree. People feel differently about Christmas and presents.

faxittome · 09/10/2011 19:48

ChippingIn, honestly, apart from my last post nothing I said was in response to what you posted. I am just saying that I think it is sad that people are so materialistic. I know it's the world we live in today, and I think that is a real pity, and contributes to a lot of unhappiness.

GalaxyWeaver · 09/10/2011 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmethWitchBelle · 09/10/2011 19:58

There is no "should" about it but I think it is nice to buy them the first Christmas present they will ever have out of the zillions to come (if they're lucky). It's like the first time you sing happy birthday - these firsts run out soon enough so why skip over them?

I love buying tat for my children so any excuse - DS1 was 26 days old Christmas 2010 and he got presents, humourous reindeer hats and all manner of other nonsense.

hardcolin · 09/10/2011 20:00

OP, I can understand where you are coming from. I didn't go mad with gift giving for my dd's first christmas, she was 4 months old.
If (like me) you don't like buying for the sake of then perhaps just something small and inexpensive would be lovely for her to chew shake on christmas morning.

What about buying her a pretty snowglobe? We did that for dd (haven't given it to her yet..she's getting it when she is 6!) We had her name and date engraved on the bottom.
In years to come I'm sure your dd will love and appreciate it, especially the sentiment behind it Smile

Balsam · 09/10/2011 20:06

DS is just over 2 and this Xmas will be the first time he's getting a present from us. He's never had a birthday present from us either. He gets an avalanche of stuff from relatives so ours would have just been one more piece of clutter. Most of the pleasure of a gift is in the giving and you don't get thanks from a three month old. So YANBU.

PeterSpanswick · 09/10/2011 20:06

I would go with the wrapping of things she needs anyway idea! Ds1 had his "big cot" bedding, a cot mobile and a coat for his first Christmas. He wasn't phased at all!

Ds2 is having one of those "Steiff" bears and a money box, as keepsakes. To be honest if it wasn't for ds1, we probably wouldn't bother getting the new baby a present but we don't want him to wonder why Father Christmas has left his little brother out!

Blu · 09/10/2011 20:09

We got DS a lovely chunky 4-note wooden xylophone, and have fab pics of his first Christmas of him bashing it.
Just one lovely toy, it doesn't have to be expensive.
Maybe a cute soft toy or a rattle or a pram toy.

twinklytroll · 09/10/2011 20:09

Chipping Well to be fair Christmas is a Christian festival so it actually is not about presents at all.

But I accept that you can make your Christmas about anything you want, including consumerism.

twinklytroll · 09/10/2011 20:10

I do think that if you have to get something, the decoration is a nice idea.

myBOYSareBONKERS · 09/10/2011 20:13

I got my 8 month old a taggie blanket with his name and date of birth embroidered on. Its lovely and he has it in bed every night

Balsam · 09/10/2011 20:13

Chipping, what you said about seeing people's smile when they unwrap their gift and how they saved up for stuff etc. is lovely and true. But you don't get that from a three month old.

A1980 · 09/10/2011 20:26

Haven't read entire thread but fretting about xmas presents for your baby, in October? Seriously?!

Anyway, one thing you can never go wrong with is books. Get her a decent hardcover treasury of children's stories or fairytales or something. Write a nice message to her in it for her first Chirstmas. It is useful, she will keep it all her life probably and never ever forget it! Problem solved.

lazylula · 09/10/2011 20:36

Ds1 was 1 month old for his first Christmas and he got a few bits we would have got him anyway (toys to grow into) at a later date, they were then just put away until he was at the age to use them. We have also got both ds' a Harrods Christmas bear with the year on their foot as a keep sake and dd, who will be almost 8 months this year will get one too. Ds1 knows he got that bear for his first Christmas and that ds2 got his too. Dd will get a few bits to go along with the Father Christmas thing (will include things like drinking cup ect as suggested on here!)

Original poster
Pippaandpolly · 09/10/2011 20:53

Not fretting, just first time sleep deprived parents of a 3 week old-we're having a lot of random conversations at 4am at the mo! Just thought I'd put it to the mumsnet vote Grin

OP posts:
soandsosmummy · 09/10/2011 20:55

We got DD a soft blanket for her first Christmas when she was 2 months old. she still insists on going to bed with it now at nearly 6 and knows it was for her first Christmas.

DrinkYourWeakLemonDrinkNow · 09/10/2011 20:58

I'm with your dh on this. My dd was also 3 mnths when it was her first Christmas. I couldn't wait for Father Christmas to deliver her first stocking. She's never asked what she got and tbh I can't rememebr in detail, but it was special that I do remember.

I always think it's quite a shame to hear childrens toys called 'tat' on here Sad It's not tat to them. Must everything be sensible or terribly worthy all the time?

Nor is it materialistic just because some enjoy family presents at Christmas.

ChippingIn · 09/10/2011 20:59

faxittome Hmm You said And plenty of memories can be made without having to buy things a couple of posts after I said about making memories. Also, just because people enjoy buying Christmas presents it does not make them materialistic.

Twinklytroll - just because I enjoy buying Christmas presents for people, it doesn't mean that's all we do at Christmas and Christmas is a Pagan tradition.

Balsam - No you don't get the smile because of any 'background' but you may get a smile because they like it :) As I said earlier, at 3 months it's for the parents or for the future pleasure of the children (seeing themselves on DVD), & there's nothing wrong with not buying a 3 month old (or anyone ever) a present, I just said I can't understand people that don't want to Grin

greengoose · 09/10/2011 21:03

Hi, I made my Ds first Xmas gifts...a teddy and a photo book with a picture i had drawn of each of them..... Also a sewn blanket from Grandma that he still loves (9yrs)! I think to stay away from the commercial side of it all, what does it teach anyone? Its fine to give a gift of love though, after all thats the point isnt it?

faxittome · 09/10/2011 21:06

ChippingIn, sorry, yes, you're right, I thought it was another poster. I think we're not necessarily disagreeing on that point though.

Memories can be made by buying things and in other ways. I strongly feel it's better to live as unmaterialistically as possible. I suppose I was just pointing out that you're not denying yourself happy memories if you don't buy presents. I have great memories of dd's first Christmas. We have a photo of her by the tree, and lots of her bouncing happily in her chair on the table, next to the turkey.