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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not buy DD a Christmas present?

150 replies

Pippaandpolly · 09/10/2011 18:13

This is my first post in AIBU

DH thinks I'm mad because I don't think there's any point in buying DD a Christmas present. She'll be 3 months old and I imagine will be very happy playing with wrapping paper. He thinks it's mean because in years to come she'll ask what we gave her for her first Christmas and be upset it was nothing. Family are sure to give her lots of presents so it's not like I'd want to sit her in the corner with a lump of coal...

I simply do not see the point of forking out on anything expensive (unless, I suppose, it's a 'forever' present - jewellery!? Seems ludicrous) and I don't want to buy tat simply for the sake of buying something. So, AIBU, or is DH?

OP posts:

Amaunet · 09/10/2011 21:06

Unless you don't actually care about Christmas in general then yes YABU but hopefully your DH decides to completely ignore you and buys her something anyway.

McPie · 09/10/2011 21:09

I cant remember getting my twins anything for their first xmas, (they should not have been born until xmas day and were nearly 7 weeks old by then, 2 weeks out of hospital) maybe that's because my life was a blurr of nappies and feeds and all I remember of that xmas is dh and I coming down with flu and mil mumping that we forgot fil's birthday the week before.
We have stockings mil got them, tree decorations my parents got them so they have something but everyone else got them clothes. If anything you could class the cot we had to buy a xmas present as mil only bought one as a present for them after they were born, still dont know where exactly she expected us to put the other baby, drawer perhaps?

twinklytroll · 09/10/2011 21:13

I am sure the pagan tradition does not advocate buying out Toys R Us either.

Christmas means an awful lot to me and yet we still do not do the present thing .

I accept that for some people the focus of Christmas is presents, it is not for me and I don't understand it but it happens. However I think it is very unreasonable to suggest that someone IBU because they do not buy things for the sake of it

littlemisssarcastic · 09/10/2011 21:37

I have never asked my parents what they got me for my first Christmas. I'd be quite surprised if they even remembered.
I don't remember what I got either of my DC for their first Christmas.

If I was you, I'd probably buy a token gift, and take a photo of baby with gift. That way, in 20 years time, you can tell your DD what you got her for her 1st Christmas.

AuntiePickleBottom · 09/10/2011 21:41

I was a month premature and came just before Xmas. My parent couldn't afford to buy any more gifts after buying for my 3 oldest siblings.

Tbh I asked my mum what she bought and it was my teddy from a charity shop that I still got and it is my favourite thing in the world... So much that I won't even allow the kids to play with it as it too delicate.

Get a little tree ornament as it will be hers forever

thesurgeonsmate · 09/10/2011 21:46

On LadyThumb's theme, I'm 30something and I've never asked my mother what she got me for my first Christmas.

scarletfingernail · 09/10/2011 21:57

YABU, unless you are also going to ask your friends and family to also not buy for your child. Not buying your child a present on the expectation that others will is very cheeky IMO.

I once worked with someone who bought nothing for his baby for Christmas. His reason was that the baby would not know any different and would have things as and when needed anyway. Fair enough I thought. Until he then went on bragging about how much stuff family and friends had bought the child for Christmas, he now had everything he needed for the next year and what a result for him as he now didn't have to buy anything at all.

I thought that was quite vulgar. His friends and relatives had spent money on his child while he had bought zilch and was openly smug about it.

twinklytroll · 09/10/2011 22:06

I rarely buy my daughter birthday presents but other people choose to. I don't expect it but if they wish to make a free choice I am not going to stop them. I do ask people to limit present buying at Christmas but some people like buying presents.

I don't think I have ever bought my dp a Christmas present , not that I can remember - I think others may have done - again that is their choice

Amaunet · 09/10/2011 22:07

scarletfingernail That's awful. Our youngest will be 7 months old come Christmas and I know that she is going to get just as spoiled with presents as her elder brothers and sister but there's no way would it occur to me to not buy something for her. Each baby has always got a glo worm for their first Christmas from us and I see no reason to stop the tradition this year!

ChippingIn · 09/10/2011 22:09

Faxittome - yes we do agree really :) Of course you can make fabulous memories without buying presents! Of course no one has to buy any presents - I just can't understand why you wouldn't want to buy or make your baby a present for their first Christmas, it doesn't mean I think someone is wrong not to!

McPie - I think you can count their second Christmas as their first really, the first one sounds a tiny bit bloody awful! :(

Twinklytroll - (are you really just trolling the christmas threads??) could you please show me in which post I said you had to buy out Toys R Us. Do presents, don't do presents - I don't actually care what you do or don't do - but just because I chose to do things differently to you does not make me wrong nor materialistic. Neither does buying presents mean that the focus of Christmas is on the presents - you have no idea what we do. Also, would you like to show me where I said that someone was BU not to buy presents - .... see you can't can you, because I didn't.

twinklytroll · 09/10/2011 22:16

i didn't say that you said she was BU anothe poster did. I was responding to the thread in general.

The point of AIBU is to give contrasting views, there is nothing personal about it whatsoever.

For someone who doesn't care what I do you are getting quite heated.

The toys r us comment was over the top - I am sorry. But my main point was that whether Christmas is from a Pagan or Christian tradition it originally had naff all to do with presents.

banana87 · 09/10/2011 22:22

YABU. But I can also see your point. Why not get something she WILL use a bit later, like when she's 6 months?

My baby will be about 6-8 weeks when Christmas comes and will be getting a similar number (but not price) gifts as DD (3). Most of these will be things that I think she will enjoy when she's a bit older.

Daisy1986 · 09/10/2011 22:24

I brought my DD books and things I would need for her in the coming year. High chair, stair gates etc.

When shopping for a friends wedding present this year I came across this [http://www.gettingpersonal.co.uk/birthday-gifts/birthday-year-book.htm Birthday Year book]. Similar to one you may have for her first year but has spaces for photos and notes from yourself and party guests from birth untill 18. I guess they are intended as an 18th Birthday present, its very good quality and the website has very good service.

NorfolkBroad · 09/10/2011 22:41

I bought my dd a copy of "Twas the night before christmas" and wrote a little message in it about it being her first christmas. She treasures it and we read it every Christmas eve.

Harecare · 09/10/2011 22:51

DDs both got stockings from FC with new vests, choc coins, tangerines, couple small toys. DD1 got a 2nd hand fisher price activity centre for main present from us and DD2 got a swing for the garden that we didn't have time to unwrap so it came out in the Summer!
Really the first Christmas presents are for your fun not 3 month old babies. I wanted to give both mine choc coins and a tangerine from FC as that's what we always got, but of course I had to eat them!! Consider the fact that she'll be 1 before you next get to buy her a present, so give her something to help her development when she's 6-12 months.

Chipsycheese · 09/10/2011 22:51

I never buy the children Xmas or birthday gifts.
The get so many from everyone else and they have never noticed I haven't. I buy them stuff all the time anyway.
They will be happy when they are much older and really want or need something and they have a bit of money in the bank rather me buying toys they will forget about the week after.

Chipsycheese · 09/10/2011 22:54

I meant I put in the money I would have spent in their savings account. Not they can have my cash when I die which is what I thought that read like when I read it back!

ChippingIn · 09/10/2011 22:56

NorfolkBroad - that's a good present & tradition too, I always read that on Christmas Eve :)

TwinklyTroll - I was getting quite heated because it was pissing me off that you were calling me materialistic and saying that presents do not make Christmas magic - just because they don't for you. For us they do add to the magic and that is not wrong nor materialistic - I enjoy giving people presents.

Both Pagan & Christian Christmas celebrations have included gift giving for a very very long time - long before Toys R Us

In pre-Christian Rome, the emperors compelled their most despised citizens to bring offerings and gifts during the Saturnalia (in December) and Kalends (in January). Later, this ritual expanded to include gift-giving among the general populace. The Catholic Church gave this custom a Christian flavor by re-rooting it in the supposed gift-giving of Saint Nicholas

Anyway, this is a good example of why these threads should be in Christmas!

None of it is worth getting wound up about

twinklytroll · 09/10/2011 23:00

I think you are perhaps taking the thread a little personally, something we all do from time to time.

I don't like the gift giving aspect of Christmas and in our house if you blinked you would miss the gift aspect of our Christmas. So I have posted what I think.

I accept I have an attitude to gift giving in general that many would find odd. It is just something I don't do or understand.

wellwisher · 09/10/2011 23:06

YANBU. Until I saw this, it had never occurred to me to ask my parents anything about my first Christmas, or any of the others I can't remember, let alone what they got me. I won't be asking now either - couldn't care less.

hormonalmum · 09/10/2011 23:09

I bought my oldest daughter some toys, that went back to the shop when I saw just how many things she had been bought by friends and relatives. So I wouldnt bother either if I had my time again.
My second and third children got token gifts so older siblings didnt ask questions. Think I got nappies and some cutlery for my son who was few weeks old. My youngest got a musical book, cutlery and drinks cup as they were things to be used in first year.

Hungrydragon · 10/10/2011 07:47

Uh oh is this going to turn into a materialism bunfight?

Dd was due Xmas day. We said to everyone not to bother. She turned up the week before. Everyone ignored us and rushed out to buy gifts we were inundated with cuddly toys. Why ruin dh's fun, for the sake of a few £?

We bought her a gift from Santa as she had an older sibling, so bear in mind you can do it fir the first, but not for subsequent as you can't tell small dcs Santa doesn't come to babies

Theas18 · 10/10/2011 09:55

If you have other kids you "have" to do the pressie thing as they will ask why not. I'd feel heartless if she didn't have something under the tree/in her stocking.

However they would be stuff I'd buy her anyway- bits of clothes, toys that she'd "need" anyway (for my kids it might be charity shop finds or even older siblings out grown toys re gifted). You don't need to spend any extra money to make it all a bit special (Ok except the wrapping from poundland LOL).

I wouldn't at all feel the need to "buy" something specifically for Xmas but to not give prseents- that would be so wrong!

x2boys · 10/10/2011 10:35

Just buy her a few shiny bangy things this is what i did with my ds2 last year who was then seven months old and i wont be spending a fortune on him this year as he will still only be ninteen months old.

NoobyNoob · 10/10/2011 11:01

YABU - but like the others have said I can see where you're coming from.

Perhaps a little different, but DS was 9 months old last Christmas and we only bought him two little things. He had much more fun playing with the wrapping paper.

I don't think I could not get anything, I've kept some of the crumpled up and the tag :-)

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