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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving the kids at home - selfish?

46 replies

laluna · 08/10/2011 17:18

The opportunity has arisen for DH and I to go away for 4/5 nights with our best friends to visit Dubai. My DD is 10 and DS is 5. We have only been away together from the children for one night and that was in feb for my 40th and they slept over at SIL's. My M&d have offered to have the children - we did not ask them - they offered - but on their terms (ie during the week in term time which is fine).

So are we being unreasonable in having trouble in deciding whether to go? We are very hesitant in leaving the kids (know deep down they will be fine and are happy with my parents looking after them) but just uncomfortable in being away from them. On the other hand I think it's for less than a week, the children will enjoy time with my parents because it will be the second time ever that they have stayed there and life's too short - just want to cherish some good times with our best friends. Am I selfish?

OP posts:
goinggetstough · 08/10/2011 17:20

No not selfish at all. Go and have a lovely time. I am sure your DC will have a super time with their grandparents.

Oakmaiden · 08/10/2011 17:20

Oh my goodness - just go!!!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/10/2011 17:20

YANBU to be concerned if you've never done it before. But you know what they say... 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'. They'll have a great time. You'll have a great time. And when you all get back together again you can swap notes and be a more interesting family for half an hour.

hellhasnofury · 08/10/2011 17:20

They get a holiday, you get a holiday what's selfish about that?

Trills · 08/10/2011 17:20

Not selfish. They'll have a good time with their grandparents. They won't be suffering through you going away.

(although you haven't actually asked if you are being unreasonable)

Hassled · 08/10/2011 17:21

Oh I think you should go. My only caveat would be if you know that you will spend the whole week fretting and feeling guilty to the extent that you won't enjoy it at all, then it's just not worth the upset. But you shouldn't fret or feel guilty - they'll have a great time, and it will be good for you and your DH to spend some quality time together - and the whole family will benefit from that.

crje · 08/10/2011 17:21

Please do go-I think its great that kids see their parents do things for them selves too.

eaglewings · 08/10/2011 17:23

What a great chance, grab it!

BadRoly · 08/10/2011 17:23

I would go. We left dd1 and ds1 with grandparents to go skiing when they were little. Go and have a fabulous time and come home feeling all loved up towards your dc Wink

mylittleponypinkypie · 08/10/2011 17:25

My mum used to go away when i was young (with work)
The only time I cared about was when she missed my birthday, and my grandparents didnt have internet.
But on the plus side, it was lovely seeing my grandparents, and my mum always got us something nice on the way back, and it was great picking her up from the airport :)
YABU to think you're selfish though X)

Original poster
laluna · 08/10/2011 17:26

Thanks for replying - let the saving commence!

OP posts:
anewyear · 08/10/2011 17:26

Will your parents be taking the DC's to school if its during term time?

I only ask, because there is another thread somewhere on AIBU, where someone wants to take their kids out of school during term time with people telling her she was BU to take them out during term time??

zukiecat · 08/10/2011 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
laluna · 08/10/2011 17:28

Yep - they live locally so will be doing the school run.

OP posts:
Kayano · 08/10/2011 17:32

GO!!!! Grin

squeakytoy · 08/10/2011 17:37

Well I wouldn't consider it for a second. Not saying you are selfish, but I always though that my time to do things without my DC would come when they were grown up and left home

It doesnt always work out that way though, for many different reasons. Children who know they are loved and cared for will never begrudge their parents having some time of their own. Most would look forwards to their own adventure away from home, and the present that they will get when their parents return.

I know a few examples of parents who put their lives on hold for the sake of their children. It wasnt always appreciated, and as the parents found out, it was no longer possible to do the things they had the chance to do, but put on hold at that later date.

I say go for it while you can.. you are not neglecting your duties as a parent, so go and enjoy it!

hellhasnofury · 08/10/2011 17:42

One day in the not too distant future teh kids willbe fully grown and making their own way in the world. That's often the time you sit opposite DP and think 'Who the hell are you and why are you here'. I wish I'd listened to those folk who told us the kids would be fine, would still speak to us, and wouldn't be damaged forever if we took a few days away together every now and then. We went for the first time three years ago when the kids were 17 and 19. Luckily we found out we still liked each other but I wish we'd given more time to each other earlier. Yes our children are important to DH and I, they are our world but our relationship is important too and it deserves our time as well.

PowderMum · 08/10/2011 17:49

Not selfish at all, if your parents are happy and able to look after your kids and your kids are happy with their grandparents then go for it.

DH & I had a lovely weeks' holiday earlier this year with friends during term time and our girls were more than happy to stay in the UK with their Grandparents. No school or clubs were missed as fortunately my parents and other family all live close and all work together

Andrewofgg · 08/10/2011 17:50

Go, GO, GO - don't ask about it - don't worry about it - just bloody GO!!

PowderMum · 08/10/2011 17:50

Sorry I don't mean work as in a job together but that we all help each other out so that everyone gets as many opportunities and as much fun as possible and so that all the cousins grow up close.

exoticfruits · 08/10/2011 17:58

Not selfish at all-lovely for DCs and grandparents to have time alone without you-some parents never give them chance. I agree with hellhasnofury-it all goes in a blink of the eye and you are left with DH-you need to still know each other!

exoticfruits · 08/10/2011 17:59

Don't overthink-just go!

TheFidgetySheep · 08/10/2011 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kick2down · 08/10/2011 18:01

Well, you're not planning to lock them in a closet with a box of cereal! Go on - they'll be fine with your parents.

jugglingwithpumpkins · 08/10/2011 18:03

Yes, go !!

I think your DS is just old enough, being with his big sis and grandparents, for you to go away with DH for a week (or just under) and be quite happy

Enjoy !