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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving the kids at home - selfish?

46 replies

laluna · 08/10/2011 17:18

The opportunity has arisen for DH and I to go away for 4/5 nights with our best friends to visit Dubai. My DD is 10 and DS is 5. We have only been away together from the children for one night and that was in feb for my 40th and they slept over at SIL's. My M&d have offered to have the children - we did not ask them - they offered - but on their terms (ie during the week in term time which is fine).

So are we being unreasonable in having trouble in deciding whether to go? We are very hesitant in leaving the kids (know deep down they will be fine and are happy with my parents looking after them) but just uncomfortable in being away from them. On the other hand I think it's for less than a week, the children will enjoy time with my parents because it will be the second time ever that they have stayed there and life's too short - just want to cherish some good times with our best friends. Am I selfish?

OP posts:

pippilongsmurfing · 08/10/2011 18:07

It's 4/5 nights, thank your parents for their kind offer and GO!

pink4ever · 08/10/2011 18:11

Personally I wouldnt do it. Left my eldest dc when he was 2 for a weekend away-I did enjoy it but was a bit spoiled by missing dc.

I dont get the whole getting away from the dcs thing really-surely you did that before you had dcs? Yes parents need time out but nights out or even a day at a spa or something itsnt that sufficient?

However my youngest is a few years younger than yours so wouldnt dream of leaving them for 5 days. Horses for courses and all that. Mine would be bored senseless if they had to spend that amount of time with gp's!.

sausagesandmarmelade · 08/10/2011 18:14

Not selfish at all....

You need a break and it can only benefit your children to have you both return happy and relaxed and ready to start again.

The children are in very good hands...go and enjoy some quality time together. Have a wonderful time!

TheGrassIsJewelled · 08/10/2011 18:14

Go - sounds fab!

(from someone enjoying first night away from dd!)

TheFallenMadonna · 08/10/2011 18:17

An evening out isn't sufficient, no. I'd not think twice about it.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/10/2011 18:19

"I always though that my time to do things without my DC would come when they were grown up and left home."

What the actual foccacia?... These days, by the time the little ankle-biters get organised enough to leave Hotel Cushy & find their own place, most of us will be in our bath chairs!!!

Francagoestohollywood · 08/10/2011 18:20

No, you are not selfish. You are going away for 5 nights, not for 5 months.

We've been away with our dear dear friends over the summer for 5 days and it's been wonderful. You will miss the children, but believe me, you won't spend every second crying about their absence .

didldidi · 08/10/2011 18:21

How has this opportunity arisen - is it cheaper than a normal holiday there or something?

RhinestoneCowgirl · 08/10/2011 18:22

If DC were with my parents and were 5 and 10yrs I'd definitely go, like a shot!

Haven't been away together from our 2 yet (but youngest it only 2yrs), mainly because no-ones offered to take them...

TimmyTimeRules · 08/10/2011 18:24

We go away without the children at least once a year.
Their GP's come to our house and look after them so that they can carry on at school and their after school clubs.
The children love it as they get to spend time with their GP's as we don't see them that often.
Go! Have fun!

HermanMumster · 08/10/2011 18:24

Shame on you!

Only one night away from them ever? You must try harder. Get to the passport office forthwith!

Almostfifty · 08/10/2011 18:45

Five nights is nothing. Get yourselves away!

I had never been away without mine till our youngest was 10. We go away for a long weekend every year now. It's lovely to reconnect as a couple.

Groovee · 08/10/2011 18:50

My children have regularly stayed with granny and grandad while dh and I have gone away. I've also been away from them for 2 lots of surgery in the last year which has left me feeling more guilty than usual.

But Dh's SIL has regularly said that we're out of order for doing this. I disagree with her as the kids always have a ball.

exoticfruits · 08/10/2011 18:51

The selfish parents are the ones who never let go and don't think that anyone else can look after their DCs for a few days!

Bellavita · 08/10/2011 18:56

We are going to New York next June and leaving the boys here - they will be 15 and 12.5 with my parents.

It is our 25th wedding anniversary and DH wants me to himself .

Not selfish at all.

My boys have lovely family hols with us, this year it was Hawaii and next year it is looking like Mexico, so they don't exactly miss out.

Stickwithit · 08/10/2011 19:06

Go go go go go go go.

You will have a fabulous time. It will do you and your relationship the world of good.

IMO the bond between children and GPs can be a wonderful thing (provided you have a good relationship with GPs). My DS (4.5) has spent two extended periods with GPs (4 days), he loved it. He loves bring with them!

There are 365 days in a year, that leaves 360 to be with your children!!

Panzee · 08/10/2011 19:09

My parents went away every September for two weeks. They had tourist-dependent jobs so didn't go in the school holidays. My grandparents came to stay with us. I think I looked forward to their holiday more than my parents did!
Go go go go go.... :)

t0lk13n · 08/10/2011 19:09

As most have said...go go go!

Mabelface · 08/10/2011 19:13

Can I come with you? There is absolutely no reason why you and your other half can get to be a couple for a few days instead of mum and dad. It's good for you.

HardCheese · 08/10/2011 19:22

Go, of course! The only drawback I can think of is that Dubai (where I used to live) is a truly hellish spot, unless you really, really like hotels full of expensive Russian hookers, endless shopping malls and air pollution! If it's your first holiday away from your children, you deserve better!

Superfly · 08/10/2011 19:58

Go Go Go! Myself and DH first went away for a week (honeymoon) when our ds was a year old and have been lucky enough that the GPs have taken the dc's once a year for a few days since then so we could have a holiday together. They love the time with their GPs, get spoiled rotten and we come back itching to see them. I stopped worrying about whether I was selfish or not a long time ago .

Now that they are older we make sure we go away in the school week - so all the GPs have to do is get them to school and sort them out afterwards. We do realise we are very lucky to have that support.

Your dcs will have a great time, your parents will have a great time so thank them for their kind offer and start packing

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