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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not invite cleaners grand daughter to DD's birthday party

110 replies

soandsosmummy · 07/10/2011 15:46

Hardly dare post this in view of the other birthday party thread but...

cleaner has LEFT A NOTE saying that she saw DDs birthday party invites were on the desk and her grand daughter was staying with her that weekend as her mum would be recovering from an operation and it would be lovely if she could come along.

Very fond of cleaner and she's been with us for years now but not sure about this. Apart from anything else DD's never even met the girl.

WWYD invite her along or just never mention it again? (DD will be six and cleaners grand daughter is 5) Should I invite her anyway? We're doing it at home so could probably fit in a extra but it will be a bit weird for her not knowing anyone

OP posts:
whostolemyname · 07/10/2011 16:31

I would invite her, it would be a lovely thing to do and you will feel good about it. If you don't you will only feel bad I would think. I can understand you were surprised though.

Rhinestone · 07/10/2011 16:31

Very odd. Very rude. And not on.

But then I seem to be channelling Maggie Smith a la the Dowager Countess from Downton Abbey at the moment and household staff not only reading private correspondence but actually INVITING themselves to social occasions would be grounds for a sound telling off by Mr Carson.

Hardgoing · 07/10/2011 16:35

I don't think this is that cheeky, well, a little but, but if she's older, doesn't already look after the granddaughter all the time, she's probably worried about things to do and saw this and thought I may as well ask. We have certainly had a fair few tag-along children at our parties (extra siblings). One year we invited one child and the mum brought along four of them and told three of them not to eat anything! As it happened it was a party where few were coming and they all joined in. We've also had extra children who don't speak English and have to mime getting a drink etc who my husband found through meeting someone in a shop and was new to the area. I honestly think asking this little girl is no big deal if you have 20 kids coming (and a cleaner to clean up later in the week).

RitaMorgan · 07/10/2011 16:37

A bit cheeky maybe, but it causes you no inconvenience and the children won't mind. I would invite her.

JustAnother · 07/10/2011 16:37

I would invite her. The little girl won't mind so much that she doesn't know anyone, and the grandmother will be thankful that the girl can be with other children when mum is in hospital. I think it would be a nice gesture.

Stropzilla · 07/10/2011 16:37

I'd feel really awkward about this one! The note would make me feel like saying no, BUT I can see where the cleaning lady is coming from. A party might cheer GD up and distract her for a bit. I'd be reluctant but I'd have to say yes. I wouldn't think YABU either way whatever you decide and yes it's very cheeky but we do cheeky things for our loved ones, don't we!

neolara · 07/10/2011 16:38

I wouldn't invite her. Partly because I think it's weird and rude for your cleaner to try to wangle an invite in this way, but mostly because I think the grand-daughter will feel incredibly out of place. She won't know anyone while presumably most of your dd's friends will know each other. I think even school friends put together with "out of school" friends don't really mix well at birthday parties. I suspect if you invited her there is a good chance she would sit at the side of the party feeling miserable and you would feel like you had to entertain / look after her.

If you want to be nice, you could get the girls together for a play on the day after / before the party. That might actually be enjoyable for both of the kids and would help out your cleaner.

GwendolineScaryLacey · 07/10/2011 16:41

I would invite her, probably, but your cleaner has a bloody cheek and I would be a bit annoyed about it secretly.

GumballCharm · 07/10/2011 16:44

Our landlord owns a restaurant in town and one Christmas they had a party there for their DDs class...they asked our DD just because it was kind....they didn't have to....we always thought that was a lovely gesture.

FunnysInTheGarden · 07/10/2011 16:47

I call my cleaner 'the char'...............

pigletmania · 07/10/2011 16:50

Yanbu at all how rude and cheeky. I would say no sorry we are only having w certain amount if people and they are friends of dd. That would really get my back up

Ormirian · 07/10/2011 16:52

Invite her. Take the poor kid's mind of her mum. Unless you are really tight for numbers.

AnyCorpseFucker · 07/10/2011 16:53

thanks, OP Smile

now about the party...

err

nope can't be arsed to form an opinion, you have had loads already

hope your kid has a good time

pigletmania · 07/10/2011 16:58

It's just rude to ask, and for her to have a good old nosey. It's not very discreet of her, I would be a bit Hmm that the cleaner was looking at my stuff and even if she did see she should jeep it to herself.

ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse · 07/10/2011 17:11

I think it's very cheeky of your cleaner BUT due to the fact that the little girl's mum will be in hospital and it might be a difficult time for I would just invite her.

Original poster
soandsosmummy · 07/10/2011 17:17

Not that upset about her seeing the invites. It means she must have cleaned the desk Grin - they were all on there in a pile as I'd not got round to writing on the names and sticking them in envelopes yet.

OP posts:
sparkle12mar08 · 07/10/2011 17:18

Appallingly rude. I'd just ignore it utterly, and pretend you never saw the note if she has the gall to bring it up again. Shocking.

sue52 · 07/10/2011 17:23

I would invite her, it's the right thing to do.

diddl · 07/10/2011 17:24

Would the little girl even want to go to a stranger´s b/day party rather than be with her GM?

AnyoneButLulu · 07/10/2011 17:28

Hugely cheeky ask, cleaners should maintain a polite fiction that they are selectively blind/illiterate IYSWIM, otherwise you'd never feel at ease in case you'd left that letter from the VD clinic on the table.

However I'd definitely ask the girl - we get random cousins turning up to our parties all the time, and 5/6 year old girls are normally pretty friendly.

nailak · 07/10/2011 17:34

my mil took my dd 4yrs to poland to a party of her dps family, my dd hadnt been there since she was 4mnths and doesnt speak polish,

neither her or the other kids cared, and she was too busy to even notice if my dm and dmp wwere there or not.

so imo all these excuses about it would be odd they dont know each other dont wash.

and i dont think she was rude. she asked politely, and informed you about a situation you werent preveiously aware of so that you can come to your own decision.

what is more important, the well being of a child and a traumatic time in her life, or politeness?

lollilou · 07/10/2011 17:39

If you imagine that instead of the cleaner this was a friend of yours who you had known for 4 years, she has her GD for the weekend because the Mum is going into hospital and asks whether the little girl could come to the party to cheer her up and take her mind off the worry? I'm pretty sure you would say yes. Perhaps your cleaner didn't ask to your face because you were out and you probably communicate through notes quite often. Sounds like a bit of snobbery on these posts to me.

upahill · 07/10/2011 17:40

Spread the love!

I would most definatly invite the child. Without out a doubt.
No harm.

It wouldn't cross my mind to be upset over it.

MrsBranning · 07/10/2011 17:42

She's a cheeky cow for virtually inviting herself, but I would go with the flow and invite her. It shows you are a nice person Smile

ChaoticAngelofSamhain · 07/10/2011 17:45

Am I the only one who's wondering what else the cleaner reads whilst cleaning Hmm

Invite her if you want, don't if you don't. YANBU either way.