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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not invite cleaners grand daughter to DD's birthday party

110 replies

soandsosmummy · 07/10/2011 15:46

Hardly dare post this in view of the other birthday party thread but...

cleaner has LEFT A NOTE saying that she saw DDs birthday party invites were on the desk and her grand daughter was staying with her that weekend as her mum would be recovering from an operation and it would be lovely if she could come along.

Very fond of cleaner and she's been with us for years now but not sure about this. Apart from anything else DD's never even met the girl.

WWYD invite her along or just never mention it again? (DD will be six and cleaners grand daughter is 5) Should I invite her anyway? We're doing it at home so could probably fit in a extra but it will be a bit weird for her not knowing anyone

OP posts:
thepassenger · 07/10/2011 16:01

agree with carabos. You are in a difficult position. Cleaner is very rude to ask this - it is not appropriate at all (to ask to be invited to any party, regardless of the situation). However, I think you have to rise above it and say "of course she's welcome", if you have the room. Then know you have dealt with it with grace and dignity.
And don't leave the invitations lying around again :)

RoxyRobin · 07/10/2011 16:02

Do invite her - why not? You've been presented with a chance to do a good deed at very little inconvenience. If you don't, it's likely you'll feel slightly guilty, no matter how you rationalize it.

thepassenger · 07/10/2011 16:03

you're not being snobby. You'd feel odd if a work colleague asked the same thing, or even if your boss asked for her child to be invited, wouldn't you. It's not snobbishness, it's just someone you wouldn't normally think to invite inviting themselves along.

LydiaWickham · 07/10/2011 16:03

Cleaner has put you in an impossible position, you have to invite her or you look like a cowbag.

Invite her, be polite. Hide the invites next year... Smile

Original poster
soandsosmummy · 07/10/2011 16:07

Just went and asked dd who's playing in her bedroom if she minded another little girl coming along conversation went:

Will she bring me a birthday present

She might

OK she can come

Oh dear I'm raising a mercenary child!!

I'll ask her its not really a problem from my point of view just sort of feel pushed into it

OP posts:
MardyMwahHaHa · 07/10/2011 16:07

It's cheeky of the cleaner, but the poor kid has an ill mum, so I'd probably just do it anyway.

Jen00X · 07/10/2011 16:09

So am I the only one who finds themselves inviting someone and a parent coming along and asking if their sibling or their cousin will be staying with them or something can they come along too?

Happens all the time to me!

AnyF · 07/10/2011 16:10

I don't care about your party, but couldn't you just type "my cleaner" or "the cleaner" because just saying "cleaner" repeatedly makes you sound like a bit of a supercilious cowbag

ta

Original poster
soandsosmummy · 07/10/2011 16:14

anyf - thanks for that you're quite right and i stand corrected.

I normally call her by her name and rarely think of her as anything else so not used to referring to either as The or My

OP posts:
FunnysInTheGarden · 07/10/2011 16:14

agree with Mardy and also AF. Tis a tad rude to just refer to her as cleaner.

bringinghomethebacon · 07/10/2011 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RhinoKey · 07/10/2011 16:15

Whats the harm?

Fixture · 07/10/2011 16:16

YANBU. A cleaner is supposed to be discreet and not comment on what's in your home, let alone invite themselves or relatives to your social events.

Lotkinsgonecurly · 07/10/2011 16:16

Invite her, you'll have clean ovens for a year!

TheBolter · 07/10/2011 16:17

Grin AnyF.

I do think your cleaner is being cheeky, very cheeky, but in your position I'd ask her along.

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 07/10/2011 16:19

No. The cleaner needs to come and stay during the party. As her GD doesn't really know anyone. So she's handy for tidying support.

Seriously? It's rather cheeky/crosses the line but if you already have 20 one more won't make much difference and it would be the nice thing to do. And if you don't she might use your dishcloth to clean the loo Grin

2BoysTooLoud · 07/10/2011 16:21

Another one who says invite your cleaner's grand daughter.
Think would look mean if you didn't. As you say with a party of 20 adding one should be fine.

squeakytoy · 07/10/2011 16:21

I often had random children at my birthday parties when I was a kid. My dad would just turn up with a couple of his customers kids... one year he had gone to the local aquarium shop and came back with some tropical fish for his tank, and the shop owners daughter... Confused... apparently she was looking very bored sat in the shop...

Looking back at the photos from the years its usually a case of. "no idea who that is" on quite a few of them.. Grin

MarginallyNarkyPuffin · 07/10/2011 16:22

How about 'cleaning-woman?'

LittleMissFlustered · 07/10/2011 16:22

Shocking manners from the cleaner really.

Inviting the child would be a kindness to the child, but I'd make it plain to her grandmother that it is a one off and that in future correspondence of any sort is private and not to be read or commented on.

Bucharest · 07/10/2011 16:23

YANBU not to. Ywouldbekindifyoudid.

porcamiseria · 07/10/2011 16:25

just invite her, be the bigger person

AChickenCalledKorma · 07/10/2011 16:29

It's really, really cheeky. But on the other hand, she is probably really worried about entertaining her grand-daughter for a whole weekend, particularly if the little girl is going to be worried about her mum. You did say that you are friendly with your cleaner. Your daughter doesn't mind. So be a lovely person and say yes, provided she is willing to stay and help out - because her GD won't know anyone and it might be awkward for you to look after her properly. And I'm guessing you'll get a very useful extra pair of hands into the bargain!

diddl · 07/10/2011 16:29

I´d be reluctant to on the grounds that she won´t know anyone tbh.

Bonsoir · 07/10/2011 16:30

How incredibly presumptuous of your cleaner! Say no!