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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I don't care if this is in the wrong place I just want to gently remind EVERY parent

119 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 07/10/2011 09:06

To keep an eye on their teenagers incase they are being bullied.

Please if anybody ever listens to me for any reason let this be the one.

A 14yr old boy I have watched grow up killed himself yesterday because he was so badly bullied at school.

His family are devastated as are all who knew him he was a gorgeous and lovely boy.

I am not looking for arguments or silly comments but it just brought home to me how serious bullying can be.

OP posts:

havinhoops1974 · 07/10/2011 10:36

Thats very sad my condolences, schools still do too little about bullying

SnakeOnCrack · 07/10/2011 10:36

Oh how tragic. My thoughts are with you and his family and friends. It's heartbreaking isn't it.

minimisschief · 07/10/2011 10:39

imo it is about time bullying became a major enforceable crime

IsItMeOr · 07/10/2011 10:42

I am so sorry for your loss TLE. This is such a tragedy. I know it's early days for your friends, but they may find it helpful to know that there is advice and organisations that support people in their sad, sad situation.

Booklet for people bereaved by suicide

IfUCareShare and SOBS which are support groups led by families bereaved by suicide.

And for people who are worried about what they can do to protect their precious kids:

Papyrus focus on the prevention of young suicide.

And there's good advice on helping your kids to stay safe online.

LittleJennyRobyn · 07/10/2011 10:50

This makes me so . That poor, poor boy. My thoughts are with you TLE and of course his family.

It's not always easy to know if your teenager is being Bullied. My DS (14 at the time) was bullied last year by his "so called friends" they made his life a misery for months on end.
The first i knew of it was when i got a call from school asking to pick him up as he lost his temper big time and punched the main offender straight in the face. When i got there he was sobbing his heart out.....He never said or showed any signs of anything being wrong. He stayed silent until he could take no more.
I was heartbroken that he felt he coudn't confide in me, his dad or older brother or sister. He is very quiet and doesnt tend to open up.

Although i dont condone violence i'm glad DS managed to find the courage to stand up for himself, He was never punished for this as his tutor knows that he does not go looking for trouble and would only lash out if there is a reason.

The Bullies however were dealt with by the school, it was a case of what started as mickey taking, that went too far and thankfully it stopped there and then.

I hate to think what would have happened had this continued.

Avenged · 07/10/2011 11:24

So sorry to hear about that young lad TLE. My heart goes out to you and more so to the family of the lad. What a waste of a good life.

I dated a guy with Spina Bifida for 5yrs and the taunting he got from one particular group of about 6 blokes, was horrendous. We came back from a friend's place and they start on my ex. The fury rose so quickly that I dumped my bike on the other side of the road and stormed over with punches and kicks swinging. I dislocated one bloke's jaw, broke 3 ribs on another with a swift boot and grabbed another by the hair and pulled his face down hard on my knee a few times, which broke his nose badly. The other 3 lads scarpered.

I'd do it all again in a heartbeat if I saw someone weaker being picked on.

Proon · 07/10/2011 11:39

Oh this is so sad. I was bullied too at school, and at home a bit - nothing physical though. I got away as soon as I possibly could and life has been full of lovely people and good surprises. It's horrible to think that in a few years' time, it could have been the same for that boy.

Original poster

TheLadyEvenstar · 07/10/2011 12:03

He hunng himself last night aking ds² into sschool now back later

OP posts:

CoffeeIsMyFriend · 07/10/2011 12:35

TLES I have just moved my daughters school as she was bullied last year. AFter just the first day of her new school she came out smiling, happy and laughing. I cried when I got home (upstairs of course, away from DC) because it was only then that I realised just how miserable my DD had been. The old school did nothing to this girl until the end of the summer term, when I again spoke to the HT and Deputy head (who I have known for years) and finally they took it seriously.

To see a 7yr old retreat into their shell when they are usually vibrant, chatty and happy is horrendous.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/10/2011 12:46

I was suicidal at age 14, due to being bullied at school, and to the fact that my mum dismissed what was happening to me, saying 'sticks and stones will hurt your bones, but calling names can't hurt you' the first time I told her about it. As a result of her saying this, I thought I had to deal with the bullying on my own, and didn't feel I could go back to her and tell her when it didn't stop - so it continued throughout my 5 years at comprehensive school, and only stopped when I went to sixth form.

As a result I have terribly low self esteem, have had depression since my mid teens, really don't like myself and find it hard to believe anyone when they say they like me and want to be my friend. Why would they, is what I feel.

Bullying has blighted my entire life. My heart goes out to this poor lad's family, and to TLES too.

kevlarbrassiere · 07/10/2011 13:05

I would like to see bullies prosecuted for their actions, much like the case of Phoebe Prince who killed herself. She was an irish girl who moved to America and endured bullying from her school 'mates'.

Nothing was done until a journalist heard of her tragic death by suicide and wrote an article called 'The Untouchable Mean Girls'. It started in motion a huge debate and attention to the lack of action by staff and administration of the school, and lead to the prosecution of the teenagers involved.

Maybe this is what we need to see happening.

DreamsOfSteam · 07/10/2011 13:11

This actually makes me feel sick. I hope the bullies realise what they have done and grow up. Sadly though I doubt that will happen. How can people be so cruel to another person that they think taking their own life is the only way they can escape.

SO SO SAD

R.I.P young man

TheOriginalFAB · 07/10/2011 13:18

This is so scary and worrying and has been my worst fear tbh as ds1 has been bullied for a long time. We are moving him from the school now as we don't have any faith in the teacher and the deputy head isn't dong enough.

MrsVoltar · 07/10/2011 13:22

Very sad
I have similar experience as SDTG and really worry that my low self-esteem & depression will affect my DS. Fortunately his dad, my DP, is more confident and was brought up to have good self-esteem so hopefully that will balance things.

DreamsOfSteam · 07/10/2011 13:36

Not having school age children myself, can someone tell me what the schools are doing to combat bullying. when I was at school not much was done, occassionaly a bully might have a short term exclusion but that was about it.

It seems we need some sort of country wide no tolerance policy, to make it absolutly unexceptable. Children should to be able to have a way to be heard and to not have to put up with this type of abuse through the fear that nothing will be done about it.

Avenged · 07/10/2011 14:34

The thing is though, some bullies will not stop until the person they are bullying is off the scene, be that by suicide or moving away from the area. Once the victim is off the scene, they set their sights on and target another person to be their next victim. It's bloody horrible.

WRT my above experience with those particular bullies, they actually started on me for sticking up for my exBF. If I hadn't dragged them off him and defended myself, we'd have been hospitalised. I know violence isn't the answer, but sometimes it'll be the thing that stops bullies from picking on others when they realise that not everyone will take the crap they dish out.

Chundle · 07/10/2011 14:37

God that's awful so sorry to hear your sad news :(

BakeliteBelle · 07/10/2011 14:38

Every parent's nightmare. How desperately sad

DreamsOfScream · 07/10/2011 14:51

I get that most bullies will pick on one person until they are no longer there and then move on to the next. Which is why it seems to me that the solution lies in the removal of the bully not the bullied. Be that through expelling the offending pupil or them not being allowed into playgrounds etc during breaks. (I realise this may have lots of issues of practicallity, but should be a principle to look into)

I just think policys on bullying are left down to the schools and so are inconcistent across the country. It needs to be made so socailly unacceptable. And by that I mean action being taken to stop it, not just general sympathy for the affected children.

If the whole school (pupils and teachers) are behind stamping out bullying than maybe it can be reduced and more kids can be saved from the isolation of being bullied.

Feel free to correct me if I have got it wrong on how schools are dealing with this, as I say I don't have any kids in school ATM

NorfolkBroad · 07/10/2011 14:52

So sad to read this. Poor, poor boy and his family.

Pinot · 07/10/2011 14:55

I just can't get this poor lad out of my head.

I hope he knows somehow that so many internet strangers are weeping for him.

And roll on 3.30 so I can hug my boys close tonight.

roguepixie · 07/10/2011 15:02

Oh my dear lord. That is awful - your post has made me cry. My sincere and heartfelt condolences to his family and to you, who knew him.

Bullying is the most horrendous thing. The fact that there are those out there that get their jollies from humiliating another human being, breaking them to the point that life seems meaningless.

Can I just add that talking to your DC about their day ... from the outset, when they are really young, sets up a precedent to talking about themselves and and what is going on in their lives. It seems less like prying later on when you ask them how things are going.

TLE - I am so sorry for the loss of another lovely person.

bubby64 · 07/10/2011 15:11

So sorry to read this TLE, . What a shock for all who knew him, his poor parents, they must be devestated.
I was bullied most of my senior years, and it still affects me to some extent today, over 30 yrs on.
I went to the open evening at the High School my 2 will be attending next year, and admit I am a little worried about DS1, as he has some health issues which have made him a target for bullys in the past. I was impressed with the new Head Teachers "Zero tolerence" approach, and must admit, hearing from parents whose kids already attend, she seems really mean this, as previous problems, especially on the school buses, seem to have been sorted out.
I wish all schools would adopt such a strong line, then maybe such sad stories would occur a lot less.

Sevenfold · 07/10/2011 15:22

that is so sad

bruffin · 07/10/2011 15:23

That is really awful to hear,
DH still has flashbacks to the bullying he received when he was a child, and it has affected his whole life

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