Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't care if this is in the wrong place I just want to gently remind EVERY parent

119 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 07/10/2011 09:06

To keep an eye on their teenagers incase they are being bullied.

Please if anybody ever listens to me for any reason let this be the one.

A 14yr old boy I have watched grow up killed himself yesterday because he was so badly bullied at school.

His family are devastated as are all who knew him he was a gorgeous and lovely boy.

I am not looking for arguments or silly comments but it just brought home to me how serious bullying can be.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 07/10/2011 09:29

Mork, yes you are right and I know I myself will be having "the Talk" with DS1 about how serious bullying is - I don;t mean he is a bully but just to make sure he is aware of the consequences of bullying someone.

Coffee, I think they did but not to what extent tbh. Its very difficult if they don;t speak up sadly Sad

OP posts:
Jelly15 · 07/10/2011 09:31

You are so right Mork. I was bullied as a teen and came very close to attemping to end my life. I have tried very hard to bring my DSs up to be strong and confident but to have empathy for others. It would break my heart to know that they were victims or causing awful mental pain to other children.

So sorry for your loss Lady.

Cheeseandseveredfingersarnie · 07/10/2011 09:32

Sadhow horrible.its disgusting,so sad.
you must be feeling awful but in true tles lovely style,youre thinking of others,warning to watch out for our dc.you are truely lovely.

slavetofilofax · 07/10/2011 09:34

This is just so sad.

But what's worse is that the adults involved in the care of this boy at school obviously didn't do enough to protect him. Bullying needs to be seen in the same way that drink driving is now seen - just something that you Do Not do. And if it does happen, there should be som many systems in place to properloy deal with it, that any child who is putting up with it has options abou where to turn to help. Options that are easily and readily available and that have no stigma attached. Because unfortunately for secondary school children, there is stigma to getting help, they are labelled as a 'grass' or as 'weak'. The whole attitude towards bullying needs to change, and it's not an impossible task. Some schools manage it very well with a zero tolerance policy towards it, so any bullying that does go on is minimal and dealt with effectively at the first sign of trouble.

It makes me very very Angry Angry that we (as a society) fail our children in this way.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 07/10/2011 09:34

Thankyou everyone.

I am really shocked.

OP posts:
Rosa · 07/10/2011 09:54

In circumstances like this it is so terribly sad that a child reaches this limit.
d I also think that the adults deserve punishment as well as the bullies themselves - They diddn't see it / diddn't want to see it / or just ignored it or was it one of those wishy washy now dear Freddie you know this is naughty don't do it again good lad talks . I am not for corporal punishment but I am for children acting like adults being treated like adults , stealing , violence whatever and in this case they deserve to be hauled infront of a judge made to do community service , have curfews imposed etc ...And the parents along side them.

I have made a general statement here as can appreciate that circumstances are varied but something should be done !

BOOareHaunting · 07/10/2011 10:04

TLE I'm so sorry Sad

It always shocks me how people can be feeling that bad that death is the only way out they can see. Even more shockingly is how they manage to cover it.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 07/10/2011 10:05

especially one so young....Sad

OP posts:
CandiceMariePratt · 07/10/2011 10:06

That is heartbreaking, so sorry.

porcamiseria · 07/10/2011 10:09

oh OP, I cant imagine how sad you feel now. its shit shit and a waste and SHIT

agree with monk too

oh its heartbreaking ladyE, I feel teary reading it

Pinot · 07/10/2011 10:09

I know first hand how heinous bullying can be (DS1 - we had to move schools) and this news is just terrifying. Terrifying. Please God don't let this happen to any more beautiful, unique but vulnerable kids.

I'm so, so sorry TLE. The world can be so cruel.

Zanywany · 07/10/2011 10:09

Really sorry to hear about this TheLady. Hopefully schools will be more aware of the problem and maybe offer guidelines as to what to look out for to tell if your child is being bullied or doing the bullying.

Original poster
TheLadyEvenstar · 07/10/2011 10:12

Its just such a terrible thing to have happened. DS1 has had to move schools previously due to being bullied. I cannot stress enough to people I know how serious an issue this is.

I am so shocked and gutted.

OP posts:
Bloodymary · 07/10/2011 10:12

So so sad. I cannot begin to imagine how his poor parents feel Sad

I really, really hope they find out who the culprits were.

becstarsky · 07/10/2011 10:14

TLES so sorry to hear about this poor boy. A boy I was at school with, (this is over thirty years ago, before bullying was such a hot topic in the media), committed suicide at the age of 13 after being bullied. He was a few years above me, and I remember how sweet he was, he never picked on the little ones, had lots of patience with us. He was lovely, kind, sensitive, intelligent and a great loss to the world. It is terrible that such a thing still happens. One thing that is better than when I was at school, is that at least people are recognising that it was the bullying that has caused this terribly sad death. When I was at school the consensus was very much that the boy committed suicide because he was 'too sensitive'. Still makes me cry.

Cheeseandseveredfingersarnie · 07/10/2011 10:17

my ds1 had to move schools too because of bullying.schools attitude was to reward the bully and ignore the bullied.i know the bullies often need help too but i couldnt bare to see my child so scared and sad while the bully got got taking for special treats and got to continue the bullying at break timesAngry.new school is lovely.hes going to secondary school next year.our first choice school has a really good reputation for anti bullying.

mollymole · 07/10/2011 10:23

this is so very sad and yes, it is time schools stopped all the 'no bullying here crap' and stood up to their responsibilities - i have worked in schools and clubs as a sports coach and
have had children tell me about being bullied and witnessed bullying myself,
in some cases the schools completely ignored me, and, on one occassion where I witnesed a physical assault was told that I 'must be mistaken - 'X' would never behave like that and 'Y' is a bit of a 'whinger'

KeepInMind · 07/10/2011 10:25

Oh I am so sorry to read this and my heart goes out to the family of that poor child Sad
This has actually made me cry.

My eldest DS was bullied at primary school and it tore me apart, thank God he is doing ok now.

KeepInMind · 07/10/2011 10:26

Oh his primary school was full of this "we have no bullying here" crap
In the end I had the kid, his dad and his dad's half brother arrested.

morkcallingorson · 07/10/2011 10:27

My DH's 6 year old goddaughter is a bully. Everyone but her parents have seen this for years, and we (friends) keep our kids away from her as much as possible. We all feel crap about this, but our kids are younger and our duty is to protect them. Her parents' opinion is that everyone else's kids are ninnies and that their child is some kind of wunderkind the rest of us are jealous of Hmm. Now, small children are quite robust, imo, they fall out/make friends at the drop of a hat. But, if your child is constantly committing unprovoked attacks, and you do absolutely nothing about it, you are culpable as a parent and letting that child down. I've had some one on one time with this child in the past and she just needs some boundaries and a good example of how to get on with others. Sadly, these friends' behaviour isn't unlike their daughter's, it's more subtle and insidious, but it's there.

I've had moments in the park with my 3 year old when I've had flashbacks to my own experiences of childhood bullying. My DD is very friendly and chatty. I've seen girls of 3/4/5 tell her she can't play and then gang up. Telling her she can't use the climbing frame. Or whispering when my DD gets near and saying very loudly, "she is here, let's go...". I'd be mortified if my child did stuff like this. Too sadly, though, you can see the same behaviour in their mothers when they do the playground clique thing. Leading by examples, perhaps? Nobody thinks helicopter parenting is good, but neither is having no idea what your child is up to when interacting with other children, or worse, turning a blind eye. Too often it's dismissed as typical behaviour for young children. I don't agree. I think it's learned behaviour.

It all sounds like nothing, but bullying starts somewhere. The sense that you are entitled to ostracise, humiliate and upset someone for no other reason than your own gratification...this has to start somewhere.

With older kids, texting, facebook, twitter, a whole plethora of ways to bully the hell out of someone without actual physical contact. We need to give our kids their space and privacy, but again, if your child is joining in on some facebook bullying or the like, you need to be aware of this.

Anyway, I'm rambling. This has upset the hell out of me, along with the other thread about the 5 yo's party shunned by an entire clique of mothers. What hope for the children if the mothers are behaving this way? I was bullied, I can see my children experiencing the same and I feel physically sick to the stomach thinking about their future.

Sorry again, OP, this is just so awful for you all.

spiderlight · 07/10/2011 10:29

So, so sad. I was bullied as well, spent most of my teens suicidal and self-harming, and yet whenever the issue of bullying is in the news, my dad (who was also a school governor) declares that there was 'never any of that' at my school.

Abra1d · 07/10/2011 10:29

I have a fourteen-year-old boy myself and know that other boys this age can be very cruel. It's not just girls, unfortunately, who can be downright bitchy and cliquey. And worse: bullying.

Poor, poor boy. Poor family.

Peachy · 07/10/2011 10:31

Oh TLE

booyhoo · 07/10/2011 10:31

Good OP TLES

so sorry for your loss and that of the family.

bullying is such an horrendous thing to happen to a child (i've been there) and it is a huge fear i have for my children that they will be picked on and wont be able to get past it.

such a pointless loss of a young life, all so some other kids could have a bit of a laugh!

Sad Sad Sad

caramelwaffle · 07/10/2011 10:35

So, so sad.

RIP x

Unfortunately I fear nothing will be done against the perpetrators. They would need to be reminded everyday to start to feel remorse i think. Unfortunately, many children have their bullying attitudes endorsed by their parents.