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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not meet up with friends for lunch as it doesn't fit with DS's routine?!

83 replies

allibaba · 06/10/2011 22:16

Or I am being a bit precious? (pls be nice now..)

It would involve my 3 really good mates and their DH/DP's meeting up, possibly for lunch about an hour from where I live. Only 2 of us have children (of the same age - 18mo) but my DS is V active toddler and the other DS is not walking yet.

My DS is teething badly as mo, really needs his lunchtime nap (12-2pm normally) and is inconsoluable if he doesn't get it. I should mention that he doesn't sleep in his pushchair when we're out as there's too much going on for him to look at. Makes our life easier to plan things around his routine but when I mentioned this to one friend (who doesn't have kids) that we might not make it because of this she got a bit funny with me.

AIBU to say no and not go?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 06/10/2011 22:18

You are being very precious... go out, have a good time, and your child will be fine.

caughtinanet · 06/10/2011 22:19

Not unreasonable at all, when my DCs needed a lunchtime nap I didn't go out with friends as it wasn't fair on the child and no fun for me or friends.

Before I had children I probably wouldn't have understood but I would put my childs needs first now.

HornySwoggle · 06/10/2011 22:20

You're being precious

Bohica · 06/10/2011 22:21

You can't post in AIBU and ask us to be nice Grin

Could the lunch be moved about so that you son's nap can be taken during the hour car journey?

dexter73 · 06/10/2011 22:22

Well if he is going to cry all the time then YANBU as it probably wouldn't be much fun for anyone. Might be an idea to meet up when he isn't teething.

Bluebell99 · 06/10/2011 22:22

Yes you are being precious! He will probably sleep in the car on the way over. When my ds was around that age, he would always sleep in the car, and when we arrived I would just stand him gentlely up and away he would go. Whereas my friend would always carry her dd into the venue and make a huge fuss when she awoke startled and panicked. I think you should go and enjoy seeing your friends, sure you ds will be fine.

LingDiLong · 06/10/2011 22:22

I would give it a whirl but have DH on standby to take him off home for a nap if he becomes inconsolable. You never know, the distraction of other people and a different place might see him through and he won't miss the nap too much.

plupervert · 06/10/2011 22:22

They won't be the ones to suffer for it, but you (and your DS) will, so it should be up to you. They are being a bit mean/ignorant to be off with you.

Tigresswoods · 06/10/2011 22:22

I know exactly what you mean. DS 19m is the same. However if it is about an hour there & back I would consider this perfect as he could/would sleep in the car there and back.

This theory works if you are going by car.

cyb · 06/10/2011 22:23

You are being over precious, and your friends wont thank you either

One day of not having the routine will not a disaster make

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 06/10/2011 22:23

You are being precious.

Won't he sleep in the car on the way?

verytellytubby · 06/10/2011 22:23

You will regret it looking back! I did.

He can sleep in the car. Enjoy the lunch, says someone who used to take a happy child from the park home to sleep as I was obsessed with naps..

Hassled · 06/10/2011 22:23

I'm well and truly on the fence here and it's a dilemma I've grappled with myself.

On the one hand - it is INSANE curtailing your life for the whims of a baby, who might randomly decide not to nap that day anyway. Once you start refusing to leave the house between certain hours, you're effectively handing control of your life to your child. And that whole mindset will last for years. You're in charge, your baby isn't in charge, and you shouldn't forget that. And you'll end up with no life of your own and you'll blame either your baby or your partner for that.

On the other hand, life is just so much easier when your child has had the requisite nap. They're nicer, you're nicer, not worth risking all that for the sake of a lunch.

Have I helped ?

AnyCorpseFucker · 06/10/2011 22:25

When your kid has moved on from this stage, you will seriously regret putting your life on hold

Really

Eglu · 06/10/2011 22:26

You are being a bit precious. If it only because of the teething then I can understand that when he is particularly cranky you may want to give it a miss. But if it is an absolute no to going out during your DSes nap ever, then that is ott.

Sirzy · 06/10/2011 22:26

Arrange to meet at 1 so he can sleep 12-1 in the car.

KatieMiddleton · 06/10/2011 22:26

If it's an hour away will he sleep in the car? Perhaps go earlier to give him his 2 hours or meet at 2pm after his nap.

But yes, it is a bit precious. Sorry.

caughtinanet · 06/10/2011 22:29

Passing on a lunchdate when your toddler is teething is hardly "putting your life in hold". Why would the OP regret prioritising her child's needs ?

Original poster
allibaba · 06/10/2011 22:33

Take the point about the car and that he will probably nap when we're driving over there. But would also point out that this will probably be a meal in a nice restaurant and I'm still not there yet with ignoring the other people tutting as I have the toddler who refuses to sit at the table.

Also am 7mo pg with No2 so v hormonal and v prone to worrying about things like this!!

OP posts:
AnxiousElephant · 06/10/2011 22:34

With dd1 I would have responded YANBU because we had the same routine and the same issue with pushchair sleeping and she was my PFB Grin.
However, now with my not so PSB YABU Smile.

I would put little one to bed in the AM having got said lo up earlier than usual i.e. instead of 7 get up at 6, put to bed at 10-11 then go out for lunch for 12 iyswim. He will be fine! If he is in the car later he will probably sleep anyway Smile having only had an hour to put him on. If not it isn't the end of the world.

With dd2 we learned that routine was good but we had to ensure we got her used to sleeping in the buggy when required!

Sirzy · 06/10/2011 22:35

It sounds like you have made up your mind so postpone it until you are in the frame of mind to do it. Although may becOme even harder when you have two!

FabbyChic · 06/10/2011 22:35

To be fair I never done anything that got in the way of my kid's routines when they were under 1. But I worked full time so it was a bit harder to manage anything as it were, in fact my whole life has been run around my children.

AnxiousElephant · 06/10/2011 22:36

Alibaba how can an 18 month old refuse to sit at the table? Confused Use a high chair! Take some books, colouring, a jigsaw to entertain him!

AnxiousElephant · 06/10/2011 22:37

You can always play cbeebies on youtube if required! Grin

gruesomerottingteeth · 06/10/2011 22:37

We have the same thing with DS (15 mo), he always has a midday nap and he never used to sleep well anywhere but home. About 90% of the time he has his naps at home but every now and again we decide to go out for lunch on a weekend/visit parents/friends etc etc and he has learnt to deal with it, doesn't stress him out at all now. I agree with him napping on the journey if you are driving, although if you're going by public transport you might find he still goes to sleep with the motion of the train or bus.

Having a familiar routine everyday is good for a baby IMO but dont be scared of bending the rules a bit sometimes :)

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