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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not meet up with friends for lunch as it doesn't fit with DS's routine?!

83 replies

allibaba · 06/10/2011 22:16

Or I am being a bit precious? (pls be nice now..)

It would involve my 3 really good mates and their DH/DP's meeting up, possibly for lunch about an hour from where I live. Only 2 of us have children (of the same age - 18mo) but my DS is V active toddler and the other DS is not walking yet.

My DS is teething badly as mo, really needs his lunchtime nap (12-2pm normally) and is inconsoluable if he doesn't get it. I should mention that he doesn't sleep in his pushchair when we're out as there's too much going on for him to look at. Makes our life easier to plan things around his routine but when I mentioned this to one friend (who doesn't have kids) that we might not make it because of this she got a bit funny with me.

AIBU to say no and not go?

OP posts:
LydiaWickham · 07/10/2011 11:21

YANBU - DS is the same - although we can push his nap to 1pm, which at least leaves the option of an early lunch at 12... (and he will sleep in his buggy, thankfully! But we can't go anywhere 'posh')

I have a friend with a DD the same age, like many of those on here, she just didn't get that some children won't be fine with a different routine - I think it was the point he undid the straps of the highchair while I was in the loo and managed to knock a glass of wine over her that she realised I wasn't being precious and in the future would accept I had to fit round him...

anyway, obvious solution, invite them to your house for lunch. If you invite them over to eat at 1pm, that gives you 1 hour after your DS has gone down for his nap to sort food for them (give DS something earlier on his own) and the best part of an hour to eat before he's back up. As it's his own house, he should be ok if you've not finished by the time he gets up.

wellwisher · 07/10/2011 11:33

It sounds like the DH would be going to the lunch, so presumably he's available on that day and could consider staying at home with the DC, as the lunch is with the OP's really good friends.

But some people just LOVE to play the martyr... :)

pleasethanks · 07/10/2011 11:38

I think YAB far from U

I have a DD who will only nap in her cot. Actually that is a lie, she will sleep for about 30 mins in a moving buggy, but wakes as soon as it stops moving. Yes, sometimes it is restrictive having to be home for her naps, but to me that is a better option that dealing with an overtired, upset child. So, if you think your DS will struggle when you are out, miss the lunch, it will be no fun for ANYONE!

I think some parents need to realise that if you have a child who is pretty wedded to their cots/routine, it is perhaps down to the personality of the child rather than the parents influence. Before I was a mum I thought babies slept anywhere. Hahahaha, what a shock I got.

valiumredhead · 07/10/2011 11:43

I think some parents need to realise that if you have a child who is pretty wedded to their cots/routine, it is perhaps down to the personality of the child rather than the parents influence. Before I was a mum I thought babies slept anywhere. Hahahaha, what a shock I got

I agree.

lesley33 · 07/10/2011 13:43

Sometimes. But i honestly think a lot of the time it is because they have been raised with a strict routine, so they expect it. At one time I had 4 children under 5 and following a strict routine was just impossible. The babies/kids just had to learn to live with that whatever their naturla inclination.

IWillOnlyEatBeans · 07/10/2011 14:10

I'm torn on this one!

I love, love, love DS having a nap in his cot at home as I can get stuff done and have 30 mins or so on the computer/reading. During the week (I am a SAHM) I wont vary this for anything and will turn down lunchtime invitations.

I'm much more flexible at the weekend though, when DH is on-hand to help out with any non-napping/over tired scenarios and to entertain DS while I get a few jobs done at home later (or vice versa!). If I was 7mos pregnant though I might be more inclined to give it a miss, or to leave DS with DH and go by myself.

valiumredhead · 07/10/2011 15:44

lesley I worked in childcare for 17 years before I had ds, so VERY used to looking after kids and I thought the same. Then I had ds and he had his own set of rules Grin

Original poster
allibaba · 07/10/2011 15:58

Oh crumbs, please don't think I have no social life!! I do and DS used to be pretty flexible in his routine until he got to nursery. Now he's been in nursery for a year (as I could only afford 6 months off work) he has pretty much been drilled in to their timetable so on the days he is with us it can be difficult to bend him in to a more suitable routine for us. I'm hoping this will change when I'm on mat leave after Christmas as he'll obviously be with me full time.

Also, take the points on DH babysitting while I pop and see my friends and normally I may have asked BUT my poor DH has been a complete super H for the last 3 months as I have had to work most weekends due to having had professional exam yesterday (posted on this before on MN) and he has taken DS and given me the time to do it. He's a patient man but I don't want to take the piss in leaving him holding the baby again, he needs a day out too!

Having said that, I'm meeting one of mates tomorrow for lunch (Grin but this was arranged months ago) so going to chat to her about it and see if we can go somewhere child friendly to make it a bit easier even if the timings mean we can't stop for too long.

OP posts:
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