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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think school have said no for my child absence for a family holiday

335 replies

HidingInTheBathroom · 06/10/2011 17:05

We are going on holiday next month. My DS (8) school have refused the leave.

I handed the form in yesterday and got a reply today. I wouldn't mind but he never has time off school. He has not had 1 day off this year and last year he had 1 and half days off because he was sick at school and was still poorly the day after.

We have never been on holiday in school time and out of all his school life I think he has had a total of 4-5 days off ill.

They say if I take him I could get find. Going next month so my DS will be off school for a total of 10 days. We have been waiting for this holiday for 4 years.

AIBU to think they should off not refused this absence.

OP posts:
MrsMilton · 07/10/2011 01:34

I don't remember anyone EVER taking time off school to go on holiday when I was school-age. Do people really do this? Genuinely gob-smacked. As for time of here and there for "day trips", on account of a "good offer" - is this for real??? What kind of schools do your DCs attend where this is considered normal? Pity the poor teachers dealing with these parents. I'm sure the entitlement, ungratefulness and sheer arrogance shows itself in other areas too... There must be a child off every week if they're all at it?

I will ask.... but I think my parents probably thought education was a tad more important than seeing mickey mouse. Jeez, and to think in some countries children walk miles barefoot for the privilege of learning.

hootiemcboob · 07/10/2011 01:39

When we had the chance to go to Hawaii with my husband, who was going there on business, we naturally jumped at it. Probably because we're entitled, ungrateful and arrogant.

madhattershouse · 07/10/2011 01:40

I remember missing the 1st 2 weeks of , what now is classed as year 8, due to family holiday. Soon caught up, once I found the classrooms. I hate all this mandatory crap, in most cases a couple of weeks means nothing schoolwise. Just another heap of nanny state rules IMO.

Morloth · 07/10/2011 01:50

I let the school know if DS is going to miss any, but I don't ask permission. They are my kids, I will be making the decisions.

If I think a rule is stupid, then no, I don't let it apply to me.

MsTownmouse · 07/10/2011 03:06

For what it is worth (an probably nothing ) but

  1. I have sympathy for those who say book holidays in school hols like everyone else and if you can't afford Florida then - go somewhere cheaper. A lot of people have compromised their family hildays (in terms of cost and weather ) to fit in with term time and have done for longer than you (ie with much older children )

  2. Am not against a once in a lifetime opportunity being weighed against 10 days at school for an 8 year old at all. If that is what it is. Only you can decide if you think this is.

  3. One more point (which will make me sound incredibly po - faced ) . even though one's child might not be at a point where a couple of weeks make not much difference , there is an argument that it is right to let the child know that school is important and holidays are for holiday time. I don't know but I am assuming teachers wouldn't be allowed time off during term time because it was cheaper & they are not exactly paid on RBOS cheief exec scales. SO I would understand anyone taking a principled stand that they would never take their child away during term time for a holiday. (Gosh I sound a bit pious even to myself there but I hope you get my point.

So my gut answer is you are being unreasonable. There have been differing views here. Ultimately it is your child and your choice. As others have said - your choice but don't expect the world and his wife to agree with it. If you do go I wish you all the best but I also agree with the poster who said there will be years in his school life where it is practically and not just a point of principle not to go (ie exam and prep for exam years) and so don't let him think it is a BAU thing.

I also agree with those who say holidays are far too expensive dring school hols. Frankly I am in the - don't go in term time camp - but I look longingly at what we could do if we did.

Do what you think is right for the right motives and just understand not everyone agrees with everyone else. But I do think you shoudl thoroughly understand the implication from the school before you make teh final decision.

Wish you well
Ms T

auntpetunia · 07/10/2011 06:46

Pinkteddy attendance is not cumulative it's yearly and does start from September, the EWO will have no choice but to get involved if they go on Unauthorised holiday at this time of year, they will immediately fall into the Persistent Absenteeism category. As their attendance will fall way below 80%, as I said before 4 days off at this point in the year gives you attendance of 81%. All schools now have to report any absences below 90. If your EWO isn't doing it then you are very lucky.

TheTenantOfWildfellHall · 07/10/2011 06:46

YABU.

However, if you are intent on doing it all it means is that it will be recorded on the register as 'unauthorised holiday' rather than 'authorised holiday'.

Unauthorised holiday/unauthorised absence = truancy.

But they have no power to physically stop you from going.

To take your child out of school for 10 days though will affect his education.

Bunsouttheoven · 07/10/2011 07:08

I don't think yabu. Two weeks off school for an 8 year old shouldn't be a problem, how ridiculous. As everyone has said it's about hitting attendance targets for schools not looking at each child's case individually.

Family time is important too, work places frequently dictate when holiday must be taken.

My parents took me out of school every year to go on holiday. I remember the holidays & the family time, new country, new experiences etc. I harpy think I would have gained so much in two weeks of school.

Everyone seems to be lacking in common sense. We are not talking about not going in to school ad hoc to just bum around. Parents should be able to (& can at dd school) request time off. If absence is more than 5% it will be granted.

Go on holiday, make memories & enjoy your time together. Smile

Bunsouttheoven · 07/10/2011 07:09

if absence is more than 5% it will not* be granted

DownbytheRiverside · 07/10/2011 07:16

How much is the fine?
I've currently got three out of class for holidays, I've given the SN support one of them gets to two other pupils who are benefiting from this fortnight.
One of them will come back having reverted to her September level of achievement, having done nothing s.tudies-based on holiday
The other two will come back with a diary, an annotated scrap book and having read and experienced a wonderful holiday.
YANBU to want to go on holiday, YABU to expect the school to approve it.

Collaborate · 07/10/2011 07:22

AIBU to think they should off not refused this absence.

Really? When your own grammar is this poor, shouldn't you try and give your son a better education than you had, which means not keeping him off school?

Bonsoir · 07/10/2011 07:28

When you have children at school, your children are not available to go on holiday during school term time.

Why do some parents find this fact so hard to grasp?

Chandon · 07/10/2011 07:33

It's because school is "free" that people like OP on't rate it.

If you teach your child that taking time off school is fine whenever something better comes along, you'll have trouble when he's a teen and doesn't fancy going!

I think it'll bite you in the butt in the end.

Either you raise your children with the ethos that education is VERY important, or you raise them with the idea that school is there if you fancy it, but not really that important so ...whatever etc.

If it was one day, for something important (a family event) I'd think fair enough.

but 2 weeks to Disney just sounds gruesome to me anyway, so I guess that's why I lack in sympathy (snob emoticon)

JambalayaCodfishDIE · 07/10/2011 07:39

collaborate someone quicker and sarkier than you already tried that one.

The OP has already said that she is dyslexic and struggles with spelling - what right have you make that irrelevant point again?

Do you feel big and clever now?

Groovee · 07/10/2011 07:43

OP you requested time off for it to be an authorised holiday. It will go down as unauthorised instead. It doesn't mean you can't go just that a truancy welfare officer may contact you on your return.

mumeeee · 07/10/2011 10:07

Chandon the OP isn't taking her son out every year for a holiday. This is a one of special family holiday. They did try and go in the Christmas holiday last year but it got cancelled because of the snow. The only time her husband can get time off this year is in November. She isn't teaching her sin he can have time off whenever he likes. When our DC's were 9, 11 and 13 we took them to Florida for 2 weeks. One week was half term so they had a week off of school. They also had other family holidays during school time. Although they only missed a week at a time and it was only once a year. Going to Florida was a great experience fir them and we did a lot more than just going to Disney. This did not want them want to take tome off school when they didn't fancy going. The oldest is now 24. She went to university got a first ion zoology. Did a PGCE and is now a biology teacher.

HattiFattner · 07/10/2011 10:21

I was always in the camp of "well, kids will catch up" and "its only infants school - its not like GCSEs" . Then I became a governor. ANd a numeracy governor at that. WHen I understood how math is taught in modules, it became very clear that a child who is off school could actually miss the fundamentals of eg division or multiplication - these are the foundation lessons that help a child build an understanding of a mathematical concept.

Equally, in literacy, they may learn 2 or three letters or sound blends a week...these will be critical to learning good reading.

2 weeks out may equate to one full sublevel in a subject. Not that grades are super important, but it may have an impact longer term on effective learning. My son had 5 non consecutive weeks off school last year due to recurrent illness, and it has definately affected his reading.

So I would say YABU to take your child out of school - there are 190 days in a school year (and 175 days off) so you are taking him out of school for 5% of the year. Add to this the inevitable illnesses and doctors appointments, dentists and the occassional day out for family business.....

CoffeeOne · 07/10/2011 12:11

YANBU and I think you should take him anyway. He's 8, he'll remember this holiday for the rest of his life and those 10 days in school are nothing in comparison.

I was taken out of school at 8 to got to Florida, similar circumstances, once in a lifetime deal. It was fantastic, and my education didn't suffer . Family memories mean more than 10 school days imho.

Chandon · 07/10/2011 12:55

mummee, I guess it is just how I was brought up. Both parents are teachers and and so education and school are sacrosanct in our families Grin

Disney and co on the other hand are the evil smiling faces of consumerism, you understand Wink

My kids would love to go to Disney, but not a chance, poor sods...we take them for muddy walks, and to museums and if they are very good the can have some sulphur-free organic raisins Wink

NessaRose · 07/10/2011 13:05

When ds1 was younger I asked the school if I could take him out for 3 days whilst ds2 was in hospital having an operation we live in oxfordshire and ds2 was in out of county. The school refused pemission as it wasn't necessary. had I not of taken him out it would of ment no support for me and I would not have seen ds1 and dh for a week, ds1 and dh would not of seen ds2 and me for a week!

I took him out when we got back the esw came to bollck us she said that the school should not of refused permission and she wasn't going to do any thing about it.

I know that this is not the same situation but the schools do not always get it right.

mumeeee · 07/10/2011 13:12

Chandon. Our DC's are now 19, 21 and 24. We did take them in muddy walks and to museums. We also walked up mountains. When we went to Florida they saw a space shuttle take off which was an educating experience for them. In France we visited historic sites and they all with various degrees of ability wrote diaries on holiday and showed them to the teachers when they got back. We didn't take them out of school in exam rimes and once the oldest started get GCSE courses we didn't take them out at all. So you can do both and family holidays can help with education. In fact DD3 got more out of the holidays then school when she was small. Mainly because if her learning difficulties she found it very difficult to concentrate and get things written down at school.

mumeeee · 07/10/2011 13:13

In fact DD2 did a school project on her Florida holiday.

mumeeee · 07/10/2011 13:17

And yes I do understand about Disney and don't actually like the company at the moment. They treated DD2 very badly when she worked part time in one of the shops. In fact they still owe her some money but that's another story.

JeanBodel · 07/10/2011 13:37

YANBU

I am planning to take my kids out of school in 5 years' time to go to Florida. That will be the only time I do it. I was advised to do so by a deputy headteacher friend, who listed me certain weeks of the year when, in his words, 'they wont be learning anything anyway'.

FWIW, My siblings & I were out of school for between 3 and 4 weeks of the year every single school year of our lives, due to our parents' crazy religion.

Never did us any harm.

Ormirian · 07/10/2011 13:39

Of course they should if that is the rule.

You don't build up non-absence Brownie points to spend at a later date!

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