Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take little girl and myself away for Christmas

30 replies

Bloodymary · 06/10/2011 12:53

I am raising my DGD (I always call her 'little girl' on here because she is far more to me than DGD, tho she is not my DD. I hope that makes sense)!
Last Christmas little girl (then 5) and I waited all day for her Mother (my DD) to turn up, well she didnt. It was awful, and I do not want to put little girl thru that again.
She hardly see's her Mother anyway (she is a heroin addict), in fact she did not even turn up for her B'day recently.
I would love to just take her away somewhere sunny for Christmes.
I just know her Mother will make a fuss about it tho.
Well, AIBU?

OP posts:
LadyThumb · 06/10/2011 12:55

Does your daughter have visiting rights and, if so, by taking her away would you be breaching them. If not, you go and have a great time and really enjoy yourselves!

ScaredBear · 06/10/2011 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheProvincialLady · 06/10/2011 12:57

I would do whatever you think is best for the little girl. It sounds like being away for Christmas would be in her best interests. I wouldn't take your daughter's opinions too much into account TBH.

PamBeesly · 06/10/2011 12:57

Are you her legal guardian BloodyMary ? I would first look at the legal issues of taking her anywhere without her mothers consent. Sorry that you have such a sad story with your own DD.
If you told your DD that you wanted to take DGD away for a nice Xmas how would she react?

themightyskim · 06/10/2011 12:59

she must have been gutted last year, take her away and have the time of your lives and make sure she knows that mum cant come because your away just in case she wonders about it

Original poster
Bloodymary · 06/10/2011 13:00

Lady yes the family court says she can see her 3 times a week, yet if we see her once a month we consider ourselves lucky
I am allowed to take her out of the country for a month at a time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bloodymary · 06/10/2011 13:01

Pam yes I have a residency order.
I am pretty sure DD would not like it one bit.

OP posts:
PamBeesly · 06/10/2011 13:02

I'd take her for Xmas so BloodyMary you and DGD have will have a lovely time, DGD is lucky to have you as her DGM

planetpotty · 06/10/2011 13:03

I really wouldn't like to say it's a tough as it takes away the opportunity but also understand why you would want to (realise I have now said!) Blush

I really feel for you and the situation you're in. How wonderful that DGD has you Smile

I hope your DD overcomes her addiction. Can't imagine how hard it must be Sad.

ThreeTrickPony · 06/10/2011 13:06

Take her away and have a wonderful family Christmas. No question. No moral dilemma there for me.

Your DD can see her another time, she has forfeited her rights to have special family days not by being a heroin addict (which is terribly sad) but for repeatedly letting Little Girl down.

Vallhala · 06/10/2011 13:06

Whether DD likes it or not is tough IMHO. She lost the right to express an opinion on the upbringing of her child when she became unfit to do the job herself through drug abuse.

I'd take what some might consider a hard line but what I consider to be putting the child first and take her on that holiday. IMHO your responsibility is for the welfare and happiness of your little girl, not to the tantrums of her birth mother, albeit that her birth mother is also your daughter.

Original poster
Bloodymary · 06/10/2011 13:20

Thanks everyone!
Yes the fact that I am taking away the oppurtunity (for both of them) is what bothers me more than anything Sad
It really shouldnt tho!

OP posts:
Tianc · 06/10/2011 13:27

You can always have a "second Christmas" another day if her mother does decide to visit. Lots of families do that just to share with inlaws, steps, etc.

aldiwhore · 06/10/2011 13:30

Could you not just stay home but play it as though your DD won't turn up? Just enjoy your day as though she isn't coming, so then if she does its a bonus for DGD and if she doesn't its not too much of a disappointment?

Other than that, I think you should do what you feel is in your DGD's best interests... and maybe one Christmas Day without disappointment, doing something different could be just the right thing to do.

Must be tough for you, I hope you, your DGD and your DD have a peaceful Christmas (must be my first and earliest 'Happy Christmas' of the year!!)

LittleLucifer · 06/10/2011 13:38

Does your dd have to visit on Christmas Day? I wouldn't allow her to visit on a day that has so much riding on it (sounds stupid but we all know what Christmas is like) and will imprint so firmly on your dg's memory. Same goes for birthdays as well. Go with Tianc's suggestion of a second Christmas but only bill it as such to your dd, not your dg.

And yes, go away somewhere lovely, hot and sunny. That way your dg will know not to expect your dd and you will both have a fantastic time. This is about the welfare of your dg, not your dd.

Original poster
Bloodymary · 06/10/2011 13:42

Actually that sounds like a good compromise LittleL.
I could tell DD the day to turn up sometime in the hols, and if she turns up, then all well and good, if not, LG and I will just be having a nice day anyway. Smile

OP posts:
JambalayaCodfishDIE · 06/10/2011 13:44

Oh, how infuriating.

My overwhelming thought is to say to take her, and create a fantastic memory to replace the shitty ones your DD has caused.

My only concern is that if DD turns up and you arent there, she may use it against you at the next visit - "Mummy tried to visit but mean old Granny had taken you away... Id bought you lots of presents but I gave them to some needy children instead..."

TBH, if it was me though, we'd go. Far, far away. :)

Original poster
Bloodymary · 06/10/2011 13:48

Oh Jambalaya you have got her down to a T.
Are you sure you do not know her in RL Smile

OP posts:
JambalayaCodfishDIE · 06/10/2011 13:57

Unfortunately, I have known an addict, and known their twisted minds. :(

squeakytoy · 06/10/2011 14:04

I would go away, there is no chance of your daughter rolling up and ruining the day for everyone then.

LtAllHallowsEve · 06/10/2011 14:09

I would definately take her away. Givce her some wonderful Xmas memories. Look for a place that does Gala Dinners and the like, and make it magical.

Your daughter has let your little girl down, and shouldn't be given the chance to do it again. Have an 'Extra' Christmas another day for her instead, but spoil your Little Girl yourself on the day.

I dont know what your budget is, but as a family we had a couple of fabulous Christmas Days in Cyprus. One at the Louis Phaethon Baech Hotel in Pathos and one at St Raphael Hotel in Limassol. Both hotels made a big fuss of the children staying (incl a token present) and had Father Christmas etc. DD was 3 & then 4 when we went and still talks about her 'best christmas' now. Smile

Original poster
Bloodymary · 06/10/2011 14:12

Ooh I have been hoping to find somewhere that will have a Father Christmas, she is only just 6 and she still believes in him, bless her.

What are the temperatures in Cyprus in Dec?

OP posts:
PamBeesly · 06/10/2011 14:27

here bloodymary info on Cyprus in December www.cyprus-weather.org/cyprus-weather-in-december/

LtAllHallowsEve · 06/10/2011 14:35

Hi Mary, I'm not good on temperatures, but whilst not sunbathing weather it is still definately t-shirt and flip flops weather. We went in the sea on Xmas Day 2008 - it was bloody freezing, but still fun.

Does your LG like kids clubs etc? The Louis has a hotel run one that is really very, very good. They are all English speakers and are great with the children. They run a kids disco and kids party hour every night, then the usual holiday shows (singing / dancing / fireaters etc). We loved the Louis and spent a lot of time there.

St Raph's has a kids club, but when we went there it was very Russian orientated.

The Father Christmas was fab at both places - in the Louis he had a real beard!!

The Louis has a heated indoor pool (not a big one) and St Raph's heat their outdoor pool. St Raph's is more expensive.

A friend also rated the Four Seasons in Limassol for Xmas Day. We've stayed there and it is fab (very luxurious) but not over Xmas.

HTH

eurochick · 06/10/2011 14:45

Hmm, tricky one. I think the best thing might be to not go away but not tell her that her mum is coming to visit and plan the day as if she isn't. I know it will be on your mind, but it won't affect her.