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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

A relative pinched my 14 month old baby on her face

532 replies

Snickers25 · 04/10/2011 22:20

My partners sister pinched our baby on the face, causing a bruise that lasted 10 days. I saw the aunt pinch my daughter just as I walked past the room. I assume my baby might have pinched her first (but that's no excuse as the aunt is 43 and my daughter is only 14 months old). My baby daughter screamed in pain and sobbed for several minutes afterwards. As soon as I saw it happen I scooped her up and removed her from the room but now I don't trust this woman with my kids. I have 3 Pre-schoolers and this aunt has moved in with us for 12-18 months!
I didn't say anything to the aunt at the time as I was too shocked and upset. I haven't mentioned it since & it was 2 months ago. I asked my partner to speak to the aunt (his sister) which he did & she seemed surprised about the deep blue bruise on baby's cheek. He apparently said that only we (parents) are to discipline the children.

My daughter also had a large cut on her top lip a few weeks before (obviously a fingernail cut from the aunt) which the aunt said was caused by baby's fingernail. She had only been with the aunt for an hour. It definitely wasn't from baby as it was too wide/thick to be from a baby's fingernail. I couldn't understand why she would lie about an accident. I wouldn't have been upset/angry about an accident! Why lie about it?

However, I don't trust her now & I sure as heck don't want my kids to have to live with her if something ever happened to me & my partner (that aunt is in our will as being guardian and I want that changed now).
Has anyone else had something similar happen? How did you handle it? Thanks for any advice.

OP posts:
GetOrfMo1Land · 05/10/2011 14:20

Whoops.

I apologise hully Blush

95%

Hullygully · 05/10/2011 14:21

Shall we make that 99.9?

Floggingmolly · 05/10/2011 14:31

You say it will cause great offence if she's asked to move out. Offence to who? And why do their feelings take precedence over your children being abused in their own home? You are failing your children badly if you fail to protect them from all reasonable harm - there are several threads running at the moment by people who feel a victim of circumstances while refusing to lift a finger to help themselves Confused. Op, you know what you have to do.

Floggingmolly · 05/10/2011 14:37

Meant to add, you are master of your own fate, OP. Sadly, you are also master of your children's... Sad

WinterIsComing · 05/10/2011 14:55

Birds, as a SW your posts about making assumptions regarding marks on a baby are bloody disgusting. My DD wasn't diagnosed with the very common blood-clotting disorder which causes finger-print and other bruises until she was two years old. Do you know what it is called? Can you name it as quickly as you can scaremonger?

I was at the hospital with DD this weekend and only the doctor who had read her notes and dx was happy with the way she presents. Thank fuck for the notes going back ten years, eh? Hmm

Pinot · 05/10/2011 14:56

Can someone summarise this thread for me - it's so loooooong to wade through.

Pinot · 05/10/2011 14:56
VajazzleMyBroomstick · 05/10/2011 15:02

Erm. OPs aunt pinched her 14 month old 2 months ago, erm and she is still living there.

MNHQ
CatherineMumsnet · 05/10/2011 15:14

Hi all, we've been asked to clarify that MN wouldn't ever pass on details of our members to the SS or anyone else, unless we were legally obliged to do so.

We also don't hold personal records for our members.

Please feel free to email us at [email protected] if you have any questions.

Pagwatch · 05/10/2011 15:17

When you say The SS......

PetiteRaleuse · 05/10/2011 15:27

Can't believe the unsupportiveness and hyteria on this thread. It's on of the few threads which allow me to truly understand why so many people won't post on MN for advice.

Hullygully · 05/10/2011 15:27

hahahahahahahahahahaha

pore ol MNHQ - not the social services police army watch guards after all.

pigletmania · 05/10/2011 15:36

Iam disgusted that some posters would even tell MN to pass op details to Ss

pigletmania · 05/10/2011 15:38

Yes op needs to grow a pair and tell her dh that his sister has to move out.

Pagwatch · 05/10/2011 15:40

Tbh it is pretty shocking that people think that telling either social services ( or indeed the SS) is a sensible way to proceed and yet they presumeably can vote or sit on a jury or make any other decision which requires moderate rational thought.

PetiteRaleuse · 05/10/2011 15:42

Pagwatch that is a thought which comes to me quite often trawling these forums. Then I go onto the Daily Mail site and read the comments and think, there is worse than MN Grin

Pagwatch · 05/10/2011 15:45

Ah yes. A crumb of comfort Grin

RIZZ0 · 05/10/2011 16:07

Pag- so true. Worrying innit.

Pagwatch · 05/10/2011 16:12

At least now we know that mn will never try to inform Hitler.

Hullygully · 05/10/2011 16:13
Jux · 05/10/2011 16:13

Grin @ Pag and PR. I usually get off these type of threads as soon as I realise what's going on. Didn't feel I could leave the op almost alone in those flames though

Petisa · 05/10/2011 16:24

I stand by what I said, if someone did that to my child they would be out on their ear right away. I would never want to see them ever again. I apologised to the OP for calling troll and offered support and at no time mentioned ss, which I think was totally over the top, there are posters on here who were unhelpful to say the least.

OP there are some good posters here with sound advice who have offered support. If you find it hard dealing with your partner's sister and dp from now on and find the shit hits the fan, do post again, you will get support.

GetOrfMo1Land · 05/10/2011 16:27

haha at the SS

VEE ASK ZE QVESTIONS

PenguinsAreThePoint · 05/10/2011 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MilicentBystander · 05/10/2011 16:35

I think we need to cut through the hysteria.

The Op is in a difficult position. She knows her baby's cheek was bruised by the SIL but I think you do need to keep as close eye and establish if anything further has happened.

If you have made it clear to the SIL that it was unacceptable and must not happen again, that may be the end of it.

I don't think it's helpful or realistic to be baying for blood over a pinched cheek. Believe me, there will be far, far worse incidents, both accidental and deliberate, that your children will suffer as they go through life. You have to be tough and strong to be a parent, you can't break into hysterical pieces left , right and centre.