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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask that if passers-by want to judge my toddler in a buggy they should at least get out of earshot?

125 replies

welliesandpyjamas · 03/10/2011 10:29

really! To have the time and inclination to judge on it is one thing (really, aren't there more awful things to worry about?) but to comment on it while I can still hear them on a quiet street is well, just dim (not to mention rude)

Yes, he is in a pushchair and yes he does look about 3 yrs old (he's not, he's 2.5 and tall) but we also have a two mile round trip to ds1's school over some incredibly busy roads. He can walk about half a mile at a fair pace but after that it becomes a snail's pace unless we are going to the park.

AIBU to have a little whinge about this? I certainly try not to go around judging automatically. And no, I wasn't brave enough to turn around and say all of the above. Not around here

OP posts:

coccyx · 03/10/2011 12:49

Agree with the above. pushchair is great to plonk them in if you need to get somewhere promptly and safely.

SayCoolNowSayWhip · 03/10/2011 12:51

at 'There's something on the Internet about it'. Thanks for that valuable contribution...

OP YANBU. My ex's nephew was 8 and SN, and was in a buggy as couldn't walk. The number of comments from passers-by was horrific! Some people were really quite nasty.

If you're going to judge, do it in the privacy of your own head! That's why we invented the internal monologue....

CoffeeDog · 03/10/2011 12:52

i have 2 1/2 yr old VERY stong/willfull boys and twice a day on the school run i get comments that they should be walking by now. Yes you child is the same age as my 2.... and does walk well so would mine on their own!!!

Walking a 5yr old as well as the twins is a total nightmare as well as waiting on the playground for her class to be called in....

If anyone says anything now, I reply with if they are offering to help it would be much appreciated as they can nearly twist my arm of and if/when they 'get loose' i face the age old problem of which one to run after first - propbely the reason no one talks to me on the playground

cuteboots · 03/10/2011 12:57

I dont think there are any rules on this one and each child develops differently. Trying to remember that far back and I believe my litle boy woudlnt stay in the pushchair after about 2 and a half and I had to invest in a set of reins as hed try and make a bid for freedom. Who cares what other people think?

AisforAcorn · 03/10/2011 12:57

YANBU.

My dd is 18 months but very tall. People often think she is 2/2.5. One woman was talking to her as you would a 2.5 year old and told me she was rude for not answering her questions

fatlazymummy · 03/10/2011 13:05

I used a buggy for all my kids up till they were 4, depending on the length of the journey [so not the school run]. No one ever made a comment that I heard, if they had done I would have just told them to mind their own business. It has got absolutely fuck all to do with anyone else.

Original poster

welliesandpyjamas · 03/10/2011 13:19

So silly that so many people have had similar exoeriences! Is it because people feel they have a right to comment where children are concerned? Wich can be a hood thing in some respects, I guess, but maybe it is the way it is done which is important.

OP posts:

Original poster

welliesandpyjamas · 03/10/2011 13:19

Sorry for odd spellings

OP posts:

Sewilma · 03/10/2011 13:20

This is such a pet hate of mine! There was a lady with a small child, probably 3 or 4, at the bus station last week. The child was throwing a tantrum and this old woman came up to me (!), tutted and said "'ere, she wants to do something about that child. I'm glad I don't live next door to her". I quietly pointed out that the child is probably a bit cranky due to the hot weather...

When my son was baby, I remember walking to the shops and an old lady reaching into the pram, touching him and then saying "oh, he's not cold"!! Er no, because I know how to dress him.

Just wish I had the guts to say "oh do fuck off" to these people!!

MosEisley · 03/10/2011 13:20

YANBU.

Being the object of this kind of rude commenting is an extremely tiresome part of being a parent.

I really don't get why people are so judgey about buggies, dummies, nappies, cots etc. There is no magic age by which every child should have grown out of the need for each of these things.

And as someone pointed out very well earlier, the school run is the last place to insist that a small child walks alone. Keep 'em strapped in for as long as possible to stay safe.

MosEisley · 03/10/2011 13:25

Yes, I think people do feel entitled to comment about children / pregnancy etc. These are such common life experiences that everyone has either done it or knows someone who has... so everyone thinks they are an expert.

Factor in that some people are just rude and chances are you'll get some negative judgement no matter what you do. It is just worse when they are as loud as the people you encountered today.

mrjellykeepskidsquiet · 03/10/2011 13:27

YANBU.
I don't know why some people think everything is there sodding business.
DS is 5 and sometimes rides home in the buggy if DD feels like a walk home, I don't give a shiny shite and don't understand why anyone else would TBH.

RhinoKey · 03/10/2011 13:27

If he's two-and-a-half then he's capable of walking two-and-a-half miles per day.

Really?

My DD is three today and we got rid of the buggy about a month ago, luckily we live close to our school with good public transport but she is so slow!

Blu · 03/10/2011 13:33

I can't bear people getting all judgeypants about what age other people's children should or should not use a buggy.
We had plenty of it - DS uses a splint and shoe raise and walks with a limp, which is v tiring - the number of nosy, interfering, presumptious people who took it upon themselves to address him directly - including calling him 'lazy'

Toddlers cover 2.5 miles more slowly than grown-ups howver you look at it., Even if they are dead fit power walking toddlers. We don't all live those perfect lives where we finish the baking, shake of our flowery pinny and stroll out of the front door with plenty of time to walk a toddler to school, stopping to admore the buzzing bees and cracks in the pavement. Some of us rush like mad things from work to nursery to school, doing the shopping on the way, needing to carry two shopping bags and hold toddlers hand...

Hippee · 03/10/2011 13:34

If you have children like mine, a 2 mile walk is actually a 4 mile walk after you've retrieved them from investigating every driveway and path on the way.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/10/2011 13:41

FantasticVoyage If he's two-and-a-half then he's capable of walking two-and-a-half miles per day.

It's not it's 4 miles a day. Plus an active day with his mum by the sounds of it. Judemental people like you make me want to rip my own face off. Please fuck the fuck off.

madam52 · 03/10/2011 14:13

That reminds me of a book titled 'Does he take sugar?' Truthsweet. It was the ironically titled tale of a womans experiences looking after her late disabled DH. Why do people do that though ??

I was once tutted at on a well known activity park when we were let through to the front of a long queue for toilets to use the disabled ones. My DGD - who looks perfectly healthy albeit very pale has CF and one of this cruel conditions little 'bonuses' is sometimes to need the toilet very urgently/unexpectedly. My younger DGD is thankfully very healthy and was also with me. My older DGD(aged 5 at time) to be fair usually uses able bodied facilities whenever possible - she doesnt abuse her condition to gain advantage in any situation - but this particular day felt a bit off to say the least.

As we went past this nasty opinionated middle aged woman she tutted very loudly and said in a loud voice - 'whats so special about them ?' The lovely member of staff who was leading us through said 'they are going to the disabled toilet madam' . But oh no rent a gob the woman was having none of it and retorted 'well if theyre allowed to use it why cant we?' 'Are you disabled madam ?' asked our lovely helper politely. 'About as disabled as them ' rent-a-gob she sniped back.

The member of staff chose to ignore this last remark and coolly carried on walking with my 2 DGDs. I had completely had it with this cow woman however so waited till my DGDs were a few feet out of earshot and hissed at her loudly enough for the 'audience' to hear :

'NO YOU ARE NOT - AND IF YOU WERE AS DISABLED AS MY DGD YOU WOULDNT BE STOOD HERE MAKING BRAINLESS ASSUMPTIONS, AS SHE HAS CF - LIFE EXPECTANCY AROUND 30 YRS - OK.

You could have heard a pin drop but hopefully she'll think first in future.

Original poster

welliesandpyjamas · 03/10/2011 14:17

Big whoop whoop for madam52

OP posts:

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 03/10/2011 14:33

madam52 Good for you!

I was passed in the street by a woman who said "that is so wrong" (tutting and shaking of head) about my DD 4yo who was in the buggy while my 2yo walked. 2yo wanted to walk and 4yo gets tired very easily. Not really sure why, has a health issue but not sure if that's the reason. The point though was that they were both happy so it's fuck all of anyone else's business. I was so stunned though so said nothing! A year later I am still angry that I didn't say anything.

TotemPole · 03/10/2011 14:36

wellies, a few people commented when daughter was nearly 3, she looked about a year older. I often used the pushchair to do 1 mile walk. Then she'd walk on the way back as we had more time.

The people commenting don't know how far you have to go, how tired the DC are, what you've been doing, if you're in a rush. I think they must assume everyone with a buggy is out for a leisurely stroll.

TotemPole · 03/10/2011 14:39

WhoseGotMyEyebrows, you get in the buggy and let the two of them push you, see what comments you get then

skybluepearl · 03/10/2011 14:45

Fantastic - that would mean the toddler would need to walk 4 miles each day (to school and back twice) on top of any other activities/walking that needs to be done as part of a normal day. It would take me 1 hour 20 mins to walk 4 miles at an adult pace but double that with a toddler. They are named toddlers because they toddle. I've found having a micro scooter or balance bike helps but would still struggle without a buggy at times.

naturalbaby · 03/10/2011 14:46

ask them if they get the lift of climb the stairs when they're out? do they use a t.v remote or get up to change the channels? do they drive everywhere or walk for every errand under 2miles each way? do they cycle if the journey is a bit longer? do they clean the car themselves or pay someone else to do it?

people are lazy, everyone needs and deserves a rest sometimes! if they want to comment on a small child having a break/rest from running/climbing/jumping around all day then they obviously haven't ever had small kids or it was a very, very long time ago.

madam52 · 03/10/2011 14:52

Thank you Wellies and WGME - you should have said sorry to make you even more angry at yourself 'Yes you're right Madam - it is so wrong - you should be in the pushchair having a younger age mentality than either of them.'

Dont worry though my above tale was a rare example of me thinking of something good to say at the time.

bumpsnowjustplump · 03/10/2011 15:00

Blimey I wonder what they would have said if they had walked past me at the weekend with both my 4 year old and 2.5 year old in the buggy. I am 36 weeks pregnant and will do what ever makes my life easier right now.. They walk loads and do lots of afterschool activities including street dance/ballet etc but when I need to get home in a rush and they are doing a great impression of snails I will put them both in the buggy!! didn't realise there was an age limit...

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