to ask that if passers-by want to judge my toddler in a buggy they should at least get out of earshot?

[welliesandpyjamas]

really! To have the time and inclination to judge on it is one thing (really, aren't there more awful things to worry about?) but to comment on it while I can still hear them on a quiet street is well, just dim (not to mention rude)

Yes, he is in a pushchair and yes he does look about 3 yrs old (he's not, he's 2.5 and tall) but we also have a two mile round trip to ds1's school over some incredibly busy roads. He can walk about half a mile at a fair pace but after that it becomes a snail's pace unless we are going to the park.

AIBU to have a little whinge about this? I certainly try not to go around judging automatically. And no, I wasn't brave enough to turn around and say all of the above. Not around here

bramshott and passthetwiglets - I think fantasticvoyage might mean that it makes them lazy and unfit but tbh as long as we are sensible and know that they are definitely active enough the rest of the time then we are getting the balance right. We can't help it but we do live in busier times and school runs can't take half the day if we want to put food on the table too [shrug] not to mention get home and interact properly with our children rather than out in the stinky traffic fumes.

passthetwiglets at the legs comment! Probably thought she was being funny

YANBU. I get really irritated by people that don't stop themselves blurting out inane judgments on people's choices.

I've seen people really inconvenience themselves because they don't want to put their 3/4 yr olds in pushchairs. I don't know what the problem is. Putting a young child in a pushchair is a time-saving convenience, and can save a fortune on public transport for journeys that are walkable for an adult but too far for a child.

I once went on a day out with a friend whose 3 yr old daughter fell asleep on the way. She wouldn't use a pushchair for her as she said she was too old (and openly judged people for using them for older toddlers), and she didn't want the nap to be interrupted so we had to sit in the car for nearly an hour until the child woke up. If she'd had a pushchair she could have lifted her into it and got on with the day.

I find something like "Oh do fuck off, I'll make that decision, not you" delivered with a beaming smile in a plummy accent confuses the hell out of most people!

lambzig probably best to ignore anyway. Retorts are satisfying but if that peson thought it was ok to open a 'conversation' like that with a stranger, then really there was nothing to gain by interacting, sadly. Manners go such a long way IMO. Hopefully your silence spooke volumes

shatners sounds like a 'lovely' day out!

sparkle

...can you explain what problems having a 2.5 year old (or even a 3 or 4 yr old) still in a buggy causes? Either for the child, their parents or society as a whole?

There's something somewhere on the internet about it, bramshott But from a personal parenting perspective it's always good to get a todder active and tired out.

It may be frustrating to be on the receiving end of judgements, but that's part and parcel of being in a society. It takes a village to raise a child. If someone's preconceptions don't apply to your circumstances, then there's no real reason to get upset about it.

As I said earlier, we've been in a similar circumstance with DD because our walk between nursery and home involves some steep hills (which she still struggles with). And the primary reason for that was to save time. So I understand entirely. But I'm sure that the OP is probably getting her son to walk bits of the route even though she still takes the buggy, so that should at least cut down on judgemental comments during the journey.

I must be very scarey, nobody dares say anything to me (been known to have an ill 8yo in buggy on occasion, and all regular users until well after 4th birthday).

I don't care if it's a only 40m trip, you're the one pushing the buggy, not them, they should keep their opinions to selves.

There's a family up at school with a 3yo, they never use a buggy. Sounds great... except they live 40m from the school gate and they usually carry the 3yo back and forth (and hold him in arms, too, the whole time they wait for their DC to go in/come out). And they drive everywhere further than the school gate, including the leisure centre 400m away, where their older kids have Karate weekly.

(I know the 3yo & the other children could have hidden disabilities, blardeblar, but having seen them strolling around for long spells in other places, I don't think so, the family just uses the car as a giant buggy for everybody, truth be told).

Why care what others think about it? You make your choice on buggy/walking and get on with it..... Surely if nobody who matters to you gives a damn then just ignore the rest.

Let's give fantasticvoyage a break and let her think IABU, as is her right. To be fair, she didn't underestand from my op that it was four miles a day and I didn't point out that ds2 is VERY active the rest of the time (because My post was about the rudeness of the passersby) so benefit of the doubt etc etc etc

Oh, just to throw it in to the mix too, I'm sure too that most of us use the school runs as a chance for toddlers to nap, hence making Good Use Of Time, a skill which is also important to our society.

I still have DS2 (2.8, a giant) in the sling a lot - it's handier than the buggy. People are more than happy to judge that too!

I don't drive, I have places to be. Much as DS2 likes to walk, he is too slow. E.g. I let him walk the school run now (about 0.5 of a mile) so we have to leave 15 mins earlier in order to get there. That just isn't practical all the time!

OK, and also (I shouldn't keep pressing post!) DS1 aged 8 rides his bike to school and back. Letting him keep fit and burn energy like that means having to keep up with him by using a pushchair. He has to sit still in school all day whilst his brother goes home to run, dance, and wriggle all day. I rest my case. There's always more to everything. Will try not to obsessively look out for those women from this morning and rant all of the above at them!

I have stopped using a buggy for DD and did a while ago but she is 5 with SN. Physically she is capable but she is a nightmare, running off, lying on the floor etc. So SN aside at two and a half lots of people will still be using them for safety-ok so we should all teach our children road safety but we don't all have the time on the school run.

Anyway YANBU people should keep thier comments to themselves-its because of comments like that that I stopped using a buggy with dd and now drive mostly which means neither of us get any exercise (used to, like the OP, take the buggy for part of the journey or as a way of getting dd to calm down.)

I feel your pain, NacMac. I used to use a sling (stopped about a year ago now) and that did get some looks! Although I did get stopped one by a lovely young mum who wanted to know all about it :)

"that's part and parcel of being in a society. It takes a village to raise a child"

lol - I dount the noseyparkers in the OP's example were willing to pitch in with childcare though . Taking a village to raise a child refers to communities pitching in, not making snide derogatory comments about someone they don't know

What the fuck difference is it to anyone else if a child of 2.5 -3.5 still occasionally uses a buggy!

I still occasionally use the buggy or buggy board for my 3.4 year old. So what? If I'm in a rush why should she suffer and be forced to walk at a faster pace or up big hills.

She's a slender, physically fit child but she is only bloody 3!

YANBU

YANBU to whinge. I would too. I remember once when an old woman in Marks and Spencer tapped me on the shoulder and said my 18 month old (who was whinging in the buggy) should be allowed to get out and walk about a bit. I barked at her that he couldn't walk yet so but out old lady. Fuming I was.

These are the type of people who say their kid was sitting up at two months, potty trained by nine months and running a fucking marathon at 12 months. Can't stand them!

Nacmac and Wellies - funny about the sling comments - I have found the opposite. Until he was about 18 months the negative comments never stopped. Since then, people rarely say anything, although they do stare a fair bit. Maybe they are just gobsmacked that anyone would try a cross-London commute with a 6 month baby-bump and a 2 1/4 year-old on their back!

Oh and we've only recently stopped using the buggy and my DS is 3.5 and looks 5.

One of the many ridiculous things about this sort of judgement is this: when I had no car, we used the buggy all the time; how else was I going to get a 2.5 yo to the library, pick up a few groceries, drop off the dry cleaning and home on the bus? The main thing that's reduced my reliance on the buggy is having access to a car. I bet that's the case for a LOT of people.

Oh, so much better for the children. Oh, so much better for the environment. Just drive everywhere! Ta-da, no buggy reliance!

FantasticVoyage Mon 03-Oct-11 10:49:38
YABU. We keep children in pushchairs longer than we should (and yes, I've been guilty of this too).

If he's two-and-a-half then he's capable of walking two-and-a-half miles per day.

What a load of bollocks.