Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Not to understand dh's weird tv addiction and to feel controlled by it.

111 replies

bytheMoonlight · 01/10/2011 16:34

Dh has a problem with me being on the laptop in the evenings. I wouldn't mind if it was because he wanted to talk or spend time together but it's because he wants me to watch telly with me. He gets annoyed if I miss bits of programmes and has even, in the past, told me I should like certain programmes and I am strange for not wanting to watch them.

I like some TV don't get me wrong (House is an addiction! Question time, QI - that's about it atm!) and then I'd rather be on the laptalk talking to people on Mumsnet, twitter, facebook, looking at recipes, blogs etc.

He talks about me being on the laptop as if its some sort of crime and he cannot understand that being on the laptop is no different to staring at the TV screen. A screen is a screen after all! He even goes so far as to slag off the websites I go on and the people I may be talking to (even though he knows nothing of mumsnet or my threads on it) I sit there baffled as to why he such a dislike and almost hatred of the laptop and the websites I go on.

I do not understand. He seems to think the TV is the right way to spend the evening and doing anything else (laptop or reading a book) is wrong. He sits there in complete silence, with his head resting in his hand so I cannot see his face, like he's physically trying to block me out and I know the silence means he won't say a word until I turn the computer off. I feel forced into shutting it down - and then we will have normal chitter chatter whilst watching telly.

The older he gets the worse he gets. I have never felt so controlled. He never used to be like this. I even feel like if I went upstairs to read or use the laptop he would self combust, well maybe a bit of an exagration but he would definitely get in a mood whilst pretending everything was fine.

Last night I suggested a night with no TV so we could talk - he immediately said no laptop then. Fine. Then he said no phone's - he has started to hate me texting people as well (mentioning how often I do it and what could I possibly be same at this time of night/morning/afternoon etc) It's all very bizarre. I said fair enough and then he started to lose it saying I wouldn't be able to cope without the laptop, I told him I was the one suggesting it so I would be happy to do it and then he started a verbal attack (again) on the websites I visit and then distracted and caused an argument over something else (he's very passive aggressive)

AIBU not to understand this attitude and to feel controlled?

OP posts:

valiumredhead · 01/10/2011 17:25

noT I mean!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 01/10/2011 17:42

Goodness me, I can't believe there are people who agree with your DH. I see no difference at all between tv and laptop. Sometimes I'm on the laptop and DH is watching tv and vice versa, depends what's on and whose favourite it is. I cannot imagine making DH sit through a programme he hates and I wouldn't sit pretending to watch his rubbish. We don't share the same taste in tv apart from about 3 shows. It is controlling to force someone else to watch with you if it's not to your taste.

ImperialBlether · 01/10/2011 17:47

OP, you said in your opener:

"Last night I suggested a night with no TV so we could talk - he immediately said no laptop then. Fine. Then he said no phone's - he has started to hate me texting people as well (mentioning how often I do it and what could I possibly be same at this time of night/morning/afternoon etc) It's all very bizarre. I said fair enough"

I wondered whether, when you said let's have no TV so you could talk, you meant that of course you wouldn't have your laptop or phone, or whether you just meant the tv would be off.

wannabesybil · 01/10/2011 17:48

Being forced to sit through a programme I don't want to watch on pain of tantrum and not even being allowed to read is wrist slitting territory for me.

OH has been jealous of knitting in the past BECAUSE I AM NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO HIM!

And breathe

moondog · 01/10/2011 17:51

Why don't you BOTH switch the damned machines off?
Cook a meal together, sit down at the table with a bottle of wine and talk.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 01/10/2011 17:54

That's a very good point actually Sybil. Would he object to you reading as well? There is nothing that takes a person over like being immersed in a book and if DH tried to suggest I didn't do that in his company it would be the divorce courts.

Shutupanddrive · 01/10/2011 17:55

Do you always have to watch what he wants though? Sounds a bit weird and controlling to me. If you want to go on the laptop then you should be able to without being hassled into watching something your not interested in just to keep him happy

garlicslutty · 01/10/2011 17:59

Don't know whether to be or at all these people posting on Mumsnet, on a scorching Saturday afternoon, about how U it is to be on Mumsnet during family time!

Look, if your H had complained once or twice, when there was something on TV that you'd both wanted to watch, it would be normal. What he's doing isn't.

It's not the same as teenagers being plugged into messaging - you're an adult using an entertainment medium. It's a forum, not live chat. You can take your attention off it, make cups of tea, read something out, watch a bit of telly, the whole thing. Look how often posters say "Just told DH what you said" and even "DH showed me this thread."

And yet he won't engage. You're saying he'll only speak with you if you watch the TV he wants to watch.

Not only is he a knob, he's a weird knob. Sorry.

zest01 · 01/10/2011 17:59

The impression I get from the thread is that the 2 of you both have an addiction - him to the tv and you to your laptop and phone and I can see both points. Do you really spend EVEY eveving on the computer and him watching tv? It also sounds that you both appear resnetful of the other - almost that you feel you only go on the laptop because he is watching programmes you don't like and he might feel he is only watching tv because you are on your laptop.

I think you both need to switch of the machines - maybe have a couple of evenings a week wher you just do something together, whther that is watching a film you both like, playing a game, listening to music, cooking a dish you haven't cooked before. . . perhaps you can even takes turns choosing the activity.

I think you both need a bit of a wake up call tbh to reliase that there is more to life

zest01 · 01/10/2011 18:00

Lots of typos in my post, sorry - it's been a REALLY long week!

Bogeyface · 01/10/2011 18:05

H has a major TV addiction, it drives me nuts and if I didnt go on the laptop or read I think my brain would melt!

He does sometimes get stroppy and then I say that I will turn the laptop off if he will turn the TV off and I get told that its different and I should be happy to sit and watch TV with him. This went round and round until the Sky box broke (you would have thought the bomb had dropped!) and I suggested that he sit and watch me surf the web as that is the equivalant to what he had been on at me to do with him. When he said it was pointless as he would be bored looking at crap that didnt interest him, I rather gleefully said that that was exactly my point! :o

We do sit and watch a few things together but most of his stuff I dont like and when I do something else he doesnt moan anymore!

Kayano · 01/10/2011 18:05

Garlic I have been out with family all morning and going out in45mins with husband...

So have a couple of hours free to do as I please.

I think if this post was the otter way round 'oh my DH won't get off the laptop when I want to spend time with him or watch tv with him, it drives me crazy. He dis once but texted the whole time'....

That DP would get quite a slating... That's why I don't agree with OP

SardineQueen · 01/10/2011 18:12

I wonder if DH is concerned about who you are talking to / what about? Obviously coming on MN or other forums you are talking to people he doesn't know. That would tie in with him getting funny about you texting as well.

Is he jealous / suspicious / doesn't like you talking to people who he doesn't know or know what it's about?

GwendolineMaryLacey · 01/10/2011 18:14

Not at all. If the op said DH won't switch off the laptop and watch what I want on the tv I would give exactly the same answer. Her DH wants her to do what he wants on his terms. That's controlling.

Tortington · 01/10/2011 18:18

i;d tell him to kiss my ring

Kayano · 01/10/2011 18:20

But she wants to do it on her terms and they are at a
Stalemate, it's not contolling, he isn't making her, it seems to me that it is 2 people who need to communicate with each other better and get out of the damned house and away from any screens!

ChippingIn · 01/10/2011 18:31

Yes YABU, being on a laptop when someone else is there is quite rude as it's very absorbing, but then so is watching a TV program the other person doesn't like. You either need to find other programs you both like or switch them all off and DO something.

ImperialBlether · 01/10/2011 18:31

Garlic, I'm in on my own, so not ignoring anyone here.

Robotindisguise · 01/10/2011 18:34

"I feel forced into shutting it down - and then we will have normal chitter chatter whilst watching telly."

Which is exactly the issue. Laptops preclude that. I don't often get annoyed by DH having the laptop on while I'm watching telly, but I do get frustrated. Not least because he's also gaming (with headphones on!) so TV is a solitary experience.

I think it's pretty rich for you to say your DH is addicted to the TV. I suspect you might find it harder to let go of the laptop. I get that you don't like what he likes, but as a compromise could you agree that there are various programmes you will watch together - or that you'll watch at least an hour of TV together before you turn the laptop on?

ImperialBlether · 01/10/2011 18:40

Could you get into boxed sets? There are loads around which are fantastic. You could then have an agreement that after 9pm there's no ordinary tv and no internet or phone, you just watch the same thing together for an hour then go to bed and talk. Or otherwise

troisgarcons · 01/10/2011 18:43

Strange - our equilibrium is he has the remote control and wall-to-wall sports, with a few dead people forensics thrown in - in return I get the PC.

I dislike television and think it should be banned. He thinks I spend all evening talking to fruit loops and the clinically insane online.

It works for us!

Bogeyface · 01/10/2011 18:47

To be fair to the OP Robot, she said that she tries to talk to him but he pointedly ignores her until she turns the PC off. That is not only rude but incredibly childish , sulking til he gets his own way? How old is he ffs?!!

Bogeyface · 01/10/2011 18:49

and also, when she tries to talk to him about it he starts a row about something else so that he doesnt have to agree to any compromise. I think this is less about TV and more about him being an arse!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 01/10/2011 18:52

I'm struggling to see how finding a box set to stare at together is any different to being on the internet, that's insane! There really is a hierarchy isn't there, I just didn't realise that television, so frowned upon for children, was so essential for adults!

And no one has commented on the reading.

VivaLeBeaver · 01/10/2011 18:55

My DH is like this. He reckons I spend too much time on the internet. However he doesn't even watch TV! He spends his evenings working in his office but makes little barbed comments about how I'm online in the evenings. I hardly watch TV and prefer the internet. He'd be happy if I spent every evening watching TV on my own but not being on the internet!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5