to want to buy my neice a 'welcome to womanhood' present...

[dandycandyjellybean]

...as she started her periods yesterday? Any suggestions, if nbu?

Periods should not necessarily painful (mine have never been) and if they are painful, don't just accept it and sit there with a bar of galaxy and a face pack on , get it sorted.

DD unfortunately had very heavy periods and a lot of pain from the start, I didn't just say she should accept it as part of being a woman and sit there with a hot water bottle, she went to the dr and got medication to help - she no longer has heavy periods or pain every month. Periods are like every other bodily process, neither anything to be celebrated or ashamed of.

'or her first bout of thrush' .

Please GetOrf don't give such inspiration. I fear some 'no-taboo' people now will start baking thrush celebrating cakes.

Surely the celebration of menarche in primitive cultures was because there was very little possible in the way of individual achievement for women in those cultures?

In modern cultures where there are so many ways to develop as a human, and to celebrate achievements, I think it would be a huge disservice to women to return to celebrating mere biological inevitability.

I can't decide if that first bit about primitive cultures is too rose-tinted about the cultures or too dismissive of women's abilities, bonsoir. But I totally agree with the second bit!

I think it would be a huge disservice to women to return to celebrating mere biological inevitability.

Exactly.

Lots of cultures have some sort of rite of passage to mark the transition from childhood to adulthood for boys and/or girls and I think it's something we're missing as a culture. It doesn't have to be at menarche for girls but I think it's as good a transition point as any (as well as buying DD a necklace when she started her periods I bought DS a bangle when he started shaving).

Rituals and celebrations seem to be quite important to the human psyche. Even the most rational of us still do birthdays, anniversaries, weddings and funerals. What's a funeral if it's not celebrating - or at least marking - a mere biological inevitability?

Funerals, weddings, birthdays, bar mizvahs etc are public ceremonies. I think most girls would rather the fact that they had started their periods was not made public. I just find the idea a bit ridiculous.

Well yeah, but why? I think it's because we're so hung up about menstruation. Obviously a big public ceremony of menarche would be really embarrassing in our culture but we don't seem to do anything to mark our children growing up. In the absence of any public ceremony, I think a small private celebration is a lovely thing to do - depending on the child's personality and how close you are, of course.

It isnt always embarrassment. I am not in the slightest bit bothered about having my periods but I object to other people knowing about it because it is none of their buisiness! In the same way that it is no one elses business when I have sex, eat my dinner or have a poo :o

It's not really embarassing as such, but it's still personal. We do celebrate the 'coming of age' ie the 18th birthday in our culture. No doubt the 'sweet 16th party' will finds it's way over from America as well.That's good enough for me.

I remember distinctly starting my period and my sister actually saying to me "welcome to womanhood" and I was mortified. I didn't feel at all like a woman as I was 12 and I was terrified of my body changing. We had guests over and my sister went off to get my Mum and I asked my Mum not to tell anyone and heard her go downstairs and say to the other adults (including aunts and uncles and Grandparents) "It's ok, no big deal, she's just started her period" and they all laughed. Obviously I wasn't meant to hear that but I was so mortified I hid in my room until they had all gone.

So for me personally if I had got such I gift I would have been horrified! I think my own DD is more chilled about it than I was(she is 12 but not there yet) however I don't think she would appreciate a gift either - she will discuss it with me but prefers not to and is a bit embarrassed when she raises the topic.

My parents did mark and celebrate some other moments of me growing up. I've got a lovely photo of me in my uniform on my first day going to secondary school. Dad took me on his motorbike and told me i'm now big girl, on the way back we had pizza.
Another photo of the whole family including gps when i got my first job and i treated them all to ice cream, they made big fuss. And then opening my first bank account, the driving leicence, the big parties before i travelled alone, the parties when i returned back etc. I agree with Bonsoir.

Oh and my dad made the bigest ever fuss in the history of proud parents when i voted for the first time .

God I'm really surprised at everyone's reactions on here. I think it's a lovely idea, and it's something I did for my own daughter a few years back when she started her periods. She loved it and wasn't remotely embarrassed. I think it entirely depends on the relationship between the giver and reciever. I can't remember exactly what I bought, but it will probably have been some pampering stuff. Periods are fucking awful as we all know, but there's no harm in trying to celebrate her becoming a young woman. I really find it very weird that everyone is so freaked out by the idea.

Jesus, I think feminism and anthropology have disappeared up their own arses on this thread. Bizarre. If you don't fancy the idea or if it doesn't suit your daughter/neice's personality then don't do it, but it's hardly unreasonable. Talk about reading too much into a present!

I think it's a lovely idea. You don't have to make a big deal about giving the present yourself, you could give it to her mum to give her in private if you want. Making it clear that no acknowledgement from her is expected (your auntie wanted you to have this and why...sort of thing).

For me I felt it was a massively big deal when I started my periods and would have liked some kind of acknowledgement of it between my mum and me though would have been mortified if any other member of the family had mentioned it!

In my friends culture she was given jewlery by all her aunties to mark the occasion but she knew before hand that this would happen.

As she told you herself I think its a lovely idea.

Have you ever read the Chicken soup for the Soul books? They are full of stories and anecdotes from prople covering all sorts of subjects I was given the new mothers one when I had DD and although it is a little americanized it really does make you feel better knowing other people feel the way you do about things that most people dont normally talk about. I dont know if there is a specific periods one but there is a teenagers one which could be relevent.Amazon chicken soup for the teenagers soul .

Very strange. Generally I think it's best not to discuss these things. But then I'm repressed.

Nothing wrong with it. When my friend's DS had his first wet dream, she bought him a Nuts magazine and a box of tissues to welcome him to manhood.

Indeed. Just because I was scarred for about five minutes don't let it stop you doing something nice for your niece.

Cringe-a-rama. Did she/Will she also get a present for first oxter hair, first bra and first sexual intercourse?

All I would like to say, is scroll through the other stuff but please read my replies, i.e. I acknowledge the use of the term 'womanhood' a bit wrong, and also possibly my initial ideas, but I have spoken to her personally and she reacted really positively, etc. Don't know the protocol on aibu, but surely at least vaguely following the reaction of the op is part of it?

And ultimately, she thinks it's a great idea, so I suppose that answers it for me really. But thanks for all your input.

I think this has turned into a really interesting and thought-provoking thread SexBombBikerChick, thank you for starting it!

I did read your latest, bomb. Hey, who wouldn't like a present.

I think it's because we're so hung up about menstruation

I am not in the least hung up about it-it is just not something that I would have wanted announced to all and sundry and definitely not aunts-however close. I would quite like a present, but not all the guff about womanhood etc to go with it.