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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to give 2yr old dd our bedroom?

118 replies

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 29/09/2011 23:49

Well, nearly 3yr old dd.

We have a lovely 3bed house (atlast) decent sized bedrooms, we have the biggest, ds in middled sized (only because psl have carpets down and his room happened to have road map carpet) dd then has the smallest.

It just doesn't work as a kids room at all, the only way a single bed will fit takes over the whole room and she's left with no space at all. I have a lovely handmade carved with flowers pine bed that was mine as a child, I really want dd to have it but its huge. Also we can only fit a teeny wardrobe in and she needs a bigger one.

My room has a built in wardroble and room for this bed, she also has all the girly huge toys. Dressing table, rocking horse, prams, dolls house (all grandma) and has just been given that fucking great huge butterscotch fureal pony.

Me and dp decided since she plays in her room and has a lot of stuff we don't want all over the living room wed swap, our kingsize fits in her room and our chest of drawers, only one of us can have a bedside cabinet but neither of us is bothered and we have two huge build in cupboard in the hall we'll use as wardrobes.

Our plan is for her birthday instead of toys we'd decorate our room peppa pig as she's not had a 'theme' so to speak and switch rooms.

We've been told its over indulgent and ridiculous.

Is it. Are we being indulgent? Aibu? Me and dp see it as we have a whole house and simply require our room to sleep etc, also when family stay the dcs share and this would be far easier.

OP posts:

JsOtherHalf · 30/09/2011 07:41

I seem to recall you were in homeless accommodation for months recently? I wonder if you are trying to make this new home perfect for your children? I can understand the urge to do that. I personally would think about somehow defining an area of your bedroom as a play area, but have your DD sleep in her own room.

akaemmafrost · 30/09/2011 07:48

I did this. My dc were in the small room and spent much of their day in there playing, me on the other hand got up in the morning left my bedroom and rarely went back in for the rest of the day. So the big room was just standing empty for 16 hours a day while my dc and all their stuff are squashed playing into the small one. Pointless. Not indulgent at all, sensible imvho.

TastyMuffins · 30/09/2011 08:04

I have a two bedroom house, just me and DS. He has the bigger room. His room is brighter, hotter in summer and noisier because it faces the street, he sleeps through anything and doesn't mind so I have the quieter cooler room.

PeggyCarter · 30/09/2011 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ErnesttheBavarian · 30/09/2011 08:17

My neighbour had a 3-Bed house - 2 large and 1 small bed. Her 2 kids each had a large room, and she and dh shared the small room. I thought it was weird (trad. idea of "the MASTER bedroom", but it made perfect sense. The kids had a desk, loads of toys, basically loads more stuff, and spent loads more time in their rooms.

I would do it. Our bedroom is too big, PITA and looks empty and unfinished. I suggested we give it to 2 kids to share but dh wouldn't have it.

It makes perfect sense. Think too many people have a master bedroom notion, which I guess I did too as I was taken aback at my neighbour's set up, but if you can see past traditions, and look into the most practical solution, why not?

ShoutyHamster · 30/09/2011 08:20

Do it whichever way works for you - there are no rules! In our last home we had a smaller room as it was quieter and at the back - larger bedroom became office/guest room. Whichever works best for your family.

valiumredhead · 30/09/2011 08:26

We know some people that did this - worked well but both rooms were pretty big and the kids shared the bigger room.

If you do go ahead with the swap - make sure you can actually change the bed sheets on your bed in the small room!

aldiwhore · 30/09/2011 08:27

Its your choice.

I wouldn't though, I'm selfish.

I grew up in a box room and it did me no harm (twitch) and my folks should've worked for Ikea as the storeage 'solutions' they made were pretty awesome.

The big toys didn't last long, I'd leave the wardrobe OUT of her room, and put THAT in yours, so there's room for her bigger toys in her room.

Original poster

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 30/09/2011 08:39

Jsother- we were, been housed for 2mnths and yes there is a huge amount of guilt coupled with the decission

OP posts:

Robotindisguise · 30/09/2011 08:42

You've got three bedrooms upstairs - what have you got downstairs? Do you have a dining room you could double up as a playroom for all the enormous toys?

You won't like this suggestion, but I think the obvious thing to do is to let go of the idea of DD having your old bed. If she had a smaller one could everything fit in?

You do deserve a master bedroom, you know.

CoffeeDog · 30/09/2011 08:45

Me and DH have just moved into the 'computer room' just about squeeze a double bed in there, just so DD wouldnt have to share with her twin 2yr old brothers anymore.

All 3 are sleeping better and have there own 'space' our living room is also alot clearer.

dottynosleep · 30/09/2011 08:59

we don't have the master bedroom in our house - our room fits bed/chest of draws/chair/shelves/bedside table without too much of a squeeze - we're comfortable in there. It works really well because the kids play upstairs, there's less mess & chaos downstairs, easier to keep tidy, I don't dread people dropping in unexpectedly & is much better set up for working from home. I'm much happier & have less work to do.

Don't really understand automatic hierarchies concerning who 'deserves' a room.

GypsyMoth · 30/09/2011 09:00

I haven't read the while thread but would just like to tell you that I gave up my room for dd. For sake of peace and harmony within our. Home, I sleep downstairs and have NO bedroom of my own at all!

I quite like it!

borderslass · 30/09/2011 09:03

When we first moved in here DD1 [20] was 15 months she got the big room to accommodate all her things, she was the only granddaughter on one side and nearest on the other so was a bit spoiled. At one point 3 of them where in the room until we split it and knocked walk in wardrobe into a room for DS. If it makes sense to you go for it don't worry about what others think.

wellwisher · 30/09/2011 09:06

the only way a single bed will fit takes over the whole room and she's left with no space at all... Also we can only fit a teeny wardrobe in

our kingsize fits in her room and our chest of drawers... one of us can have a bedside cabinet

There is simply no way that both of these statements can be true. It also sounds like your DD has an obscene amount of toys for a 2YO - Butterscotch Pony AND a rocking horse? I understand how she's ended up with both, but do you need to keep both? Does she actually play with all that stuff (on her own in her room at 2 YO)? And how much wardrobe space does a child that age need? Couldn't you keep her clothes and toys in the big wardrobe outside her bedroom?

wellwisher · 30/09/2011 09:10

I am glad you're housed now though, remember you posting from the B&B and it sounded really awful :( the small room must already be a huge improvement for your DD so don't feel guilty about keeping the big bedroom for yourself!

GreenPetal94 · 30/09/2011 09:20

I would have you two children sleeping in one bedroom and the other bedroom as a shared playroom.

Personally I would keep the largest room as adult as I find that the feeling of space in my large bedroom is very important, it really does make me feel less "cramped in" than in the last flat where we had a tiny bedroom.

BalloonSlayer · 30/09/2011 09:23

I think it's a lovely thing to do provided you are happy with it, and it would not be difficult to change back should you change your mind. (IME DCs love changing rooms so I wouldn't think it would be hard to persuade her that the smaller room is better if you wanted to swap.)

slavetofilofax · 30/09/2011 09:23

I wouldn't.

I am an only and was brought up by my then single Mum, although I had a wealthy Dad who provided a house for us. I was given the biggest bedroom, because of the nice big beg, the rocking horse and all the other oversized toys my Dad gave me out of guilt. I know this is completely different to your situation by the way, but I didn't actually like having the biggest room, and as a result my children shared a room in our three bed house until the oldest was 10.

I found it embarrasing when my friends came round, because it was obvious that my room was much bigger than my Mums. It made sense for me to have it of course, because of all the toys and the playspace, but it still made me uncomfortable. It was one of the reasons that my Mums side of the family (who I very much love, but who had less than me materially) thought I was the spoilt one. I think knowing that I had the biggest bedroom whilst growing up gave me a sense of importance that is really not that healthy for a child.

redskyatnight · 30/09/2011 09:32

It's up to you how you use the space in your house.

However, I feel I have to point out that your "small" bedroom sounds only a smidgeon smaller than our "big" bedroom so actually I do think you have more space than you realise especially if you have big hall cupboards that could be used to house her large toys.

I'd be wary of introducing Peppa and lovely handmade bed as it's quite possible DD may not want them at all in a year or 2. Could put Peppa transfers on the wall maybe (more easily removable)?

meravigliosa · 30/09/2011 09:33

I would leave it for now, and as soon as she is old enough to climb a ladder get her one of those upper bunk style beds. That frees up a massive amount of floor space for playspace, additional furniture etc. My DS has one at ex-Dhs house and has had from age 6, and he loves it. Have same problem at both my house and ex-Dh's house. At my house DD has the smaller room, DS has mid-sized one. Other way round at ex-Dhs.

I wouldn't move out of big bedroom myself. I think you will get sick of having to clamber into bed with walls on three sides. Grown up bedrooms should (so far as poss) be calm and somewhere you can be a bit romantic (theory about to fall apart here for the next six months at least, as new arrival imminent, but I do cling to theory!)

zukiecat · 30/09/2011 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rhondajean · 30/09/2011 09:43

Our bedroom is smaller than DDs by quite a bit, but its the master and has the ensuite attached and no way in hell are they getting it!!

To be honest, it was their room sold the house to us, its enormous and has loads of room for all their crap much loved possessions which I dont want littering up downstairs

It makes sense to me - but no way would I be doing it and putting my stuff in hall cupboards, I dont know quite how you would work round it,but I wouldnt suggest showing your DD that she is more important than you is a good idea? :-S

TunaTiebacks · 30/09/2011 10:36

My 2yr old DS has the master bedroom, we swapped about 2 months ago. Brilliant decision! He loves playing up there and being able to have all his toys out, and I don't care because I only sleep in mine! Might have felt differently if I had a partner, but I don't, so it's fine. You won't know til you try, and if you're anything like me, now it's in your head you'll have to do it!

leeloo1 · 30/09/2011 11:06

If it works for you then do it - no-one can should judge you for making a nice house for your children. But, another vote here for a midsleeper. DS has this one with a sloping ladder. It has removable legs, so you can start off as a low bed with bars round 3.5 sides, then add the legs and ladder as they grow up.

... or that was the plan, when it came to it, DS (2 years old) was so excited about 'steps that go up to the sky' that we made it all up straight away - with the proviso that he only ever crawled when up at the top and that if he wanted to get out of bed he called for us. Its worked brilliantly. He's had it for about 6 months and is just starting to get himself up in the morning when he wakes up, but in the night calls if he wants us. :)

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