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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think he shouldn't have been in the girls changing rooms at swimming.

121 replies

LittleMissWoodscommaElle · 28/09/2011 20:49

No, its not what you think. I have argued on threads that children up to the age of about 8 or 9 should be allowed in opposite sex changing rooms but this was astounding.

Ds has a swimming lesson in a secondary school pool. The changing rooms are completeley communal with no cubicles as are many school pools.

A little girl was in there with her nan and GRANDAD both helping her to get changed.

Usually the teacher of the little ones is in there at that time as her classes finish for the night then but tonight she stayed doing stuff by the pool (she gets in the pool with the little ones) still there were children form the age of about 10-13 getting changed.

What was he thinking - and why did none of us mums challenge him? Too wuss I guess.

OP posts:

bruffin · 29/09/2011 07:44

I have had the same problem with a young couple who had a baby.
First they left the baby floating in one of those baby seats in the deep end without either of them being nearby, then both of them were in the ladies changing rooms.There is a family changing room as well so they could have used that.
I did have a right go at them and they looked at me gormlessly. I complained outside about the man being in the changing room and they sent someone in to get him out.

I also complained to my friend (who is in charge) about the lifeguards allowing the baby to be in the deep end unsupervised.

NappyShedSal · 29/09/2011 08:09

I feel a bit sorry for the poor old man. It was probably teh first time he'd taken his grand daughter swimming and she probably led him in there as that's where she always goes. The poor grandad probably thought it was best she goes in the girls changing room as she's a girl and getting changed. It didn't occur to him to do anything else as he wasn't getting changed.

ForYourDreamsAreChina · 29/09/2011 08:44

Nappy- there was a grandma as well. I wonder if maybe grandma was showing grandad what to do because next week he is bringing her alone? What's he going to do then? Take her into the male changing rooms?
I wouldn't have challenged him probably, I would have mentioned it quietly to whoever is in charge so they could stick a notice up or something.

Original poster

LittleMissWoodscommaElle · 29/09/2011 09:21

QueenofDenial - An army of mums were not there supervising 12/13 year olds the majority of mums there were supervising the changing of the 3-8 year olds.
The pool runs classes back to back with 3 different levels at any one time. The non swimmers (approx age 3-7) swim a little unaided group (approx age 5-8) and can confidently swim 25 metres (approx age 7-10) were all ending their lesson whilst the next 3 groups next level onwards approx age 7-13 were about to start their class.

And yes the changing room is very small you are literally elbow to elbow on the benches. It was pot luck the swimming teacher did not walk in from the showers as I said in my OP that is the time her classes end and she changes to go home.

OP posts:

Andrewofgg · 29/09/2011 09:31

No, he should not have gone in, whatever the circumstances. If a girl cannot manage alone an adult female must go with her and if there is none available then she cannot go swimming. And vice versa for a boy.

Esther3 · 01/10/2011 22:39

To have the grandad is there was wrong, or the grandmother, bot not both. the girl should have gone with one or the other, but not both.

spiderpig8 · 02/10/2011 15:38

We go for swimming lessons in a secondary pool and Dad's come in to change their young DDs amid girls from about 7 to 10.It really wouldn't occur to me it was 'dodgy' so probably didn't occur to him either.
But I think you are being a bit hypocritical.Why wasn't your 7 yo in the boys changing room.7 is more than old enough to be able to change himself!!!

KatieMiddleton · 02/10/2011 15:54

YANBU.

I would be very upset if there was a man in the ladies' changing room.

Feenie · 02/10/2011 15:56

I still want to know why Esther3 has resurrected 3 boys-in-changing-room threads in one night.

Original poster

LittleMissWoodscommaElle · 02/10/2011 15:58

becasue the rules are that children aged under 8 are allowed in opposite sex changing rooms with their parent. If I left ds to change alone he would faff around so much he would never be ready for his lesson. I make him change by himself but I have to be there to constantly remind him to stop messing about/get distracted by his friends/stand around and dance in the middle of the floor. He is improving week by week so that in about 6 months time when he is 8 hopefully he will be mature enough to manage alone.

He only started lessons at Easter and has just had the summer holidays break so it is a case of practising and him learning what is expected of him.

Dads that want to change their daughters should take them in the mens changing room.

And the oldest girl was not 10 she was more like 12 or 13.

OP posts:

bruffin · 02/10/2011 16:10

"I still want to know why Esther3 has resurrected 3 boys-in-changing-room threads in one night."

Me too Feenie

AlpinePony · 02/10/2011 16:45

Jaysus! Don't get on a boat at dover!

Esther3 · 02/10/2011 21:26

Pool parks here have different children and adult-teen lap swim times, so they probably assumed it was only little kids at that hour.

GalaxyWeaver · 02/10/2011 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 02/10/2011 22:11

It was quite simple-you should just have told him.

NellieForbush · 02/10/2011 22:24

There was an adult man in the ladies changing rooms and no one said anything?!!!

I'd no more have stripped off in there myself than expected a dd to.

Doubt he was a paedo, more likely a bit dim.

How about "Excuse me this is the female changing room could you leave so that we can have some privacy"

Pendeen · 02/10/2011 22:32

OP - you said:

" A little girl was in there with her nan and GRANDAD both helping her to get changed. ""

What if it was...

" A little boy was in there with her grandad and GRANDMA both helping him to get changed. "

Would you feel so outraged then?

NellieForbush · 02/10/2011 22:36

Yes Pendeen if there was a man in the ladies changing rooms I'd be pretty shocked. Regardless of whether he had small boy or girl with him.

Cos obviously I'd expect him to take his small child (of either sex) into the male changing rooms.

Pendeen · 02/10/2011 22:43

Having now read the whole thread I realise that the OP misled us with her inital AIBU when she said "The changing rooms are completeley communal with no cubicles as are many school pools".

She later changed this to say: "female" changing room.

So yes, as it was a female room rather than "completely communal", then she was not BU.

TigerseyeMum · 02/10/2011 22:49

The age of the man has no relevance imo - he keeps being referred to as a 'grandad' as if this in some way excuses things, some sort of confused, elderly gent - it doesn't excuse anything. Would it have been OK if it was a 50 year old man in the ladies' changing rooms? Or a 40 year old? 20 year old man?

There are single-sex changing rooms for a reason. A man being in the ladies' changing rooms is wrong and should have been challenged. It's a privacy thing, not a 'peedo' thing.

exoticfruits · 03/10/2011 08:09

He could be a grandad at 40yrs! Age has nothing to do with it. Even if he was 80 he should stick to the rules. I can't see why he wasn't challenged.

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