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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he shouldn't have been in the girls changing rooms at swimming.

121 replies

LittleMissWoodscommaElle · 28/09/2011 20:49

No, its not what you think. I have argued on threads that children up to the age of about 8 or 9 should be allowed in opposite sex changing rooms but this was astounding.

Ds has a swimming lesson in a secondary school pool. The changing rooms are completeley communal with no cubicles as are many school pools.

A little girl was in there with her nan and GRANDAD both helping her to get changed.

Usually the teacher of the little ones is in there at that time as her classes finish for the night then but tonight she stayed doing stuff by the pool (she gets in the pool with the little ones) still there were children form the age of about 10-13 getting changed.

What was he thinking - and why did none of us mums challenge him? Too wuss I guess.

OP posts:
chicletteeth · 28/09/2011 21:15

If family cubicles available, then they should have all gone in there.

I never liked communal changing rooms, ever!

pigletmania · 28/09/2011 21:16

My goodness does not mean I am saying he is a paedo fgs, just that this situation is not appropriate as its open plan, so females will be changing without the option of a cubicle.

chicletteeth · 28/09/2011 21:17

Grin turkeyburger

I can see the OPs point now though she's clarified it

griphook · 28/09/2011 21:17

so out of interest what does happen if you have a 7 year dd and dad is taking her swimming, should they (if not family change availble)

a) go in the lady's changing rooms where other and older dd's will be changing.

or

b) go in the men's and get her changed there.

just interested really

Original poster
LittleMissWoodscommaElle · 28/09/2011 21:18

I am absoltely sure that he was not a threat - I am not accusing him of anything untoward - I guess the fact there were so many little boys in there could have been confusing but the door is clearly marked Girls.

Can't beleive none of us said anything!

OP posts:
kelly2000 · 28/09/2011 21:18

I actually disagree with the age thing, when i was seven i would have been humiliated being forced to strip naked in front of a strange man. i would feel the same now. If someone told me that I had to do something for work that involved having to be naked in a changing room in front of men I did not know, I would tell them to get stuffed. Children do not have the option. I really do not get why adults feel humiliating a child by making them be naked in front of people they do not want to be naked in front of i.e school showers is OK, when they do not put the same rules on themselves.

Can i just ask why you did not ask him to leave?

chicl,
then they take the child in the other changing room.

Original poster
LittleMissWoodscommaElle · 28/09/2011 21:19

Go in the mens and get her changed there imo griphook.

OP posts:
oldqueenie · 28/09/2011 21:19

err, he shouldn't have been there so why on earth didnt you say something to him or to the staff??

pigletmania · 28/09/2011 21:20

If a dad took his little girl swimming, and she was under 9, than she would go in the male changing room with the dad.

Ephiny · 28/09/2011 21:20

If a dad is taking a 7 year old girl swimming, surely he should take her into the men's changing room with him, if she's not able to manage on her own. Just the same way a mum would take a little boy into the ladies' with her.

This is a separate argument though and one that's been done several times...

Original poster
LittleMissWoodscommaElle · 28/09/2011 21:20

Why didn't I ask him to leave?

becasuse I'm a coward.

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 28/09/2011 21:20

Yanbu. I think a few are just trying to be 'right on' for the sake of it.

oldqueenie · 28/09/2011 21:21

well, an honest coward op!

ivykaty44 · 28/09/2011 21:22

TBH If I went to the pool/gym and went in the ladies changing rooms and a man was in the changing rooms getting his granddaughter changed - well I wouldn't be to pleased to get changed in front of him - regardless of whether he wanted to look at my tits or not.

Now I do strip off and am not worried about other woman in the changing room - because we all have the same equipment - but a man is different.

The OP didn't say he was a paedo - she said what was he thinking? And yes I agree why did he think as a man it was ok to go in the female changing rooms

chicletteeth · 28/09/2011 21:22

But what if the other changing room is open plan?

Is the problem here preserving the modesty of the child or not exposing the child (in this case a little girl) to a load of male genitals if she has to go into the other changing room?

I've never really noticed people letting it all hang out just because it's communal; most are quite discreet.

This changing room lark is a big thing on here isn't it?

griphook · 28/09/2011 21:23

was just curious as have a ds was is very young.

Ephiny, most thread on here have been done many times, cat poo, dc wedding, mil. doesn't make it a less vaild question

chicletteeth · 28/09/2011 21:24

FWIW OP, I see your point and am in agreement that old man shouldn't have been in there.

Mabelface · 28/09/2011 21:26

It was inappropriate for the grandfather to be in the female changing area, especially as the grandmother was dealing with the female child. Doesn't mean that he's a paedophile, but it does say that he doesn't think rules apply to him.

Ephiny · 28/09/2011 21:26

It's a perfectly valid question, which is why I (and several others) answered it! You could do a quick search if you wanted though, and find more on the subject than you could ever want to know, certainly more than I feel the need to type out all over again...

serin · 28/09/2011 21:26

My DD would have protested loudly.

kelly2000 · 28/09/2011 21:27

well take her to the loo, or do not take her swimming. To be honest a child of seven should be capable of getting changed by themselves. why should a whole room for of girls loose their privacy for the sake of one.

Original poster
LittleMissWoodscommaElle · 28/09/2011 21:28

I would have had no problem with dh taking dd into an open plan mens changing room when she was the age this little girl was. It was more about the modesty/feelings of the older girls in the changing room (aged 10-13) and the possibility that the swimming teacher could have walked out the shower whilst he wasin there.

OP posts:
WishIwereAtTheWiesnProst · 28/09/2011 21:28

The op clearly stated it was a girls changing room in her title. She said it was comunal as in had no doors or rooms for the girls to change privately.

I'd have fuckin said something. Why is it "peeedo" hysteria for young women to expect not to have to change in front of strange men?

griphook · 28/09/2011 21:29

Ephiny - your tone just seems a bit sarcastic when I didn't feel it was needed that's all.

Ephiny · 28/09/2011 21:29

Anyway in this case surely either the nan or the grandad could have managed on their own, it shouldn't normally need two adults to help a 7 year old get changed.

Still think the most likely explanation is they didn't realise it was a single-sex area, someone really should have had a quiet word and he probably would have been embarrassed and scarpered!

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