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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be p@&ed off with my dh when I read this message to his mate

122 replies

Penny1976 · 28/09/2011 19:57

I never poke about in his emails but he sent this via facebook to a friend who is a shared friend who is expecting a baby and when the friend replied it came into our shared email folder as well as to his facebook and I read it to see if the baby had been born.

And there was his mate's reply to this little jem from my DH:

Hi how you doing im at home on my own chillin , XXX at the pictures andthe kids in bed.arrival.went out with D and C last night into xxx,mad night though i wasnt pissed ....sat at the table this young pissed girl, not that fit sat down and started moaning about her boyfriend in a party upstairs of the pub,cut along story short ,without any leading on said to me you have big balls come back to my hotel and let me see them,it ended up she wanted to take me daz and craig at the same time , then she left the pub at the end of the night, f&^%

I am really cross about it, he says nothing happened and I have no right to be.

Any thoughts guys? I am heavily pregnant myself so may be slightly over sensitive at the mo?

I have posted this under a new identity so no-one realises who I am by the way.

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 29/09/2011 10:07

No I disagree that people always invite such drunken intruders, through body language or whatever

I've certainly been hit on by loads of drunks when I was deeply enmeshed with conversations with a friend, no chance of sending any signals out whatsoever

And when I said I wasn't interested, it was 50-50 whether I would get a 'Oh sorry, I'll leave you then' or 'Well fuck you too, bitch'

Honestly, drunk people make no sense.

bemybebe · 29/09/2011 10:08

"Would like to think he uses proper sentences though!"
Ephiny shouldn't that read "I would like to think he uses proper sentences though!" If you like someone to use proper sentences that is... Wink

Allboxedin · 29/09/2011 10:15

I agree dreaming, you get what you ask for. There is such a thing as pride still in existance, I guess it disappears a little with being drunk but even so not everyone is as desperate as the girl in the OP.
I would say all the subjects in the OP sounds as if they are about 18.

kelly2000 · 29/09/2011 10:40

I agree with shoutyhamster,
Normal, intelligent men do not act like that when they are together, rough, horrible little men who think shouting lewd comments to women "is just a bit of a laff, ain't it darling, innit" act like that with each other.

Weedoll,
No you were not over reacting. You partner downloading porn at any point is disrespectful, and out of line, doing it whilst you are pregnant and being induced is just downright nasty and unpleasant. The fact that it has been turned around so you think it is your fault and he is just doing what guys do (which he is not), is out of line.

Proudnscary · 29/09/2011 10:47

Ummm

I sorry it would bother me if my 'd'h was speaking about any woman in these terms and boasting about it like a 16 year old. The very fact he said 'not that fit' is a) pretty low and b) suggests if she was fit he might have wanted to know.

The terrible grammar would bother me too

WilsonFrickett · 29/09/2011 11:23

planet no worries, I hadn't noticed your first two posts were from the same person as I was on ipad and it's hard to scroll between screens. FWIW I do agree with your first post and of course hope that OP and her DP can sort it out and move on. Smile

MrSpoc · 29/09/2011 12:31

oh come on. your all mad.

he was out with his friends. Some drunked girl came on to them ( this has also happended to me and my friends before) He then told his mate what happended.

This was a personal e-mail to his friend. He talked to them as he would normally.

This does not meant he hates wormen, cheated on his wife and hangs out in ceedy back street pubs near where prostitues hang out.

And for everyone having ago abou his grammer or writing style saying you could never be with any one who wrote like that. How sad your lives must be.

Op grow up and realise he was offered sex on a plate and your loving husband said NO because he loves YOU. (AND ALSO SHE WASNT VERY FIT [GRIN]

kelly2000 · 29/09/2011 12:50

Mrspoc,
Your post is meant to be ironic is it not? You do not actually write like that do you?

bemybebe · 29/09/2011 12:54

"AND ALSO SHE WASNT VERY FIT [GRIN]"
Mr It is nothing to do with being 'fit'. My tall and handsome dutch dh got chased by women drunken and sober. Sometimes even when I was present as they felt (I guess) a lot "fitter" than me. Did bother me tbh (I was insecure to start with as I am not, ahem, drop dead gorgeous myself), but was a total non-event for dh who was always smiling but always giving a firm 'no'.

OP, I did cringe at the email, but there is no evidence that he was interested apart from the questionable boast factor...

MainlyMaynie · 29/09/2011 13:07

Blimey, I can't even think what I would feel if DH wrote that, because he just wouldn't. But then he's an intelligent grown-up, not a teenage fantasist.

gapants · 29/09/2011 13:12

Uuurgh urrrgh uuurgh, just bleuuurgh.

I would be ashamed of any male friend who spoke about women like that, none of the men I know would. It is gross.

My Dh and his mates- if approached like this I can honestly say my DH would have been shocked and found it disturbing, come home, tell me about it and been a bit worried about the young woman in question was alright.

No men I know are like this, thank the lord. And Mr Spoc, do one will you?

cuteboots · 29/09/2011 14:01

Jackanory jackanory! is that still on the tv nowadays?

Original poster
Penny1976 · 29/09/2011 14:23

Wow thanks everyone - I totally agree with most of you actually. I am a degree level educated professional who married her childhood sweetheart who left school at 16 to persue a musical career so his educational standard is not high I agree and I think he has never grown up as he was hoping to make it in the music business, didn't and has never really got over the disappointment.

Didn't realise I'd left Daz and Craig's names in there - thought I'd put D&C but am a little bit techno slow so obviously did it wrong!

Yes, we do come from very near to where Shameless is filmed so we do have people called Daz and Craig. Actually Daz is a very sweet 40 yr old dad of 2 but Craig is his Manc no-good younger brother, a bit like a cross between Shaun Ryder and Bez (and single) so maybe he encouraged the girl. Usually when DH and Daz go out DH drives and only has a pint and they go to old mens pubs to chew the fat.

Ho hum, well 37 weeks pregnant is not the time to make life changing decisions about having married the wrong man and my kids adore their dad.

Thanks for the thoughts everyone xx

OP posts:
AnyF · 29/09/2011 14:25

You are from my neck of the woods ...

I think I know Daz'n'Craig Grin

Original poster
Penny1976 · 29/09/2011 14:26

Oh and I do think that "mad night out" actually meant "crazy" or "bizarre" in that things like that don't usually happen to him. He wasn't drinking as he was driving and was home by 11pm and apologised for being late as I was still up (unusually for me as usually in bed by 10pm at the mo)

OP posts:
Original poster
Penny1976 · 29/09/2011 14:33

Haha well serves them right then, am still pissed off with him, but trying to stay calm and centred for the sake of my unborn child xx

OP posts:
Allboxedin · 29/09/2011 14:45

MrSpoc sounds like a 'Daz'.Careful ladies!

Penny I find it more sad because you seem like a lovely,mature,well rounded person,Your DH should have more respect for you.

Allboxedin · 29/09/2011 14:47

AnyF mee 2 - r u on my facebook hun xx

Icelollycraving · 29/09/2011 15:12

The real question is does he have big balls?! :o

Allboxedin · 29/09/2011 15:19

Damm it icelolly you beat us all to it :(

MrSpoc · 29/09/2011 15:20

Yes Kelly I do. As i said, you must have a sad life if you judge purely on the way people write.

MrSpoc · 29/09/2011 15:23

Gapants, how the hell do you know your Male friends do not tlak like that in an all male environment. Guess what you dont. Know you do one luv

gapants · 29/09/2011 15:36

Mrspoc
"luv"- brilliant, we have gone back 20 years.

You might denigrate women with your friends, but my male friends do not.

Allboxedin · 29/09/2011 15:50

It's the same as women - some women would talk like that in front of their friends, some wouldn't.Some would cheat on their husbands,others wouldn't. We all have to grow up at some stage but some people take longer than others.

Allboxedin · 29/09/2011 15:52

....and it certainly isn't just men that talk like that either. I 'm sure some guys would turn the other cheek but some might find it pretty upsetting to be degraded down to a piece of meat by a woman. (even if they don't admit it!)