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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be p@&ed off with my dh when I read this message to his mate

122 replies

Penny1976 · 28/09/2011 19:57

I never poke about in his emails but he sent this via facebook to a friend who is a shared friend who is expecting a baby and when the friend replied it came into our shared email folder as well as to his facebook and I read it to see if the baby had been born.

And there was his mate's reply to this little jem from my DH:

Hi how you doing im at home on my own chillin , XXX at the pictures andthe kids in bed.arrival.went out with D and C last night into xxx,mad night though i wasnt pissed ....sat at the table this young pissed girl, not that fit sat down and started moaning about her boyfriend in a party upstairs of the pub,cut along story short ,without any leading on said to me you have big balls come back to my hotel and let me see them,it ended up she wanted to take me daz and craig at the same time , then she left the pub at the end of the night, f&^%

I am really cross about it, he says nothing happened and I have no right to be.

Any thoughts guys? I am heavily pregnant myself so may be slightly over sensitive at the mo?

I have posted this under a new identity so no-one realises who I am by the way.

OP posts:
kelly2000 · 28/09/2011 22:49

I think it is the unpleasant sleaziness and leering tone that I would find upseting, I would be really shocked if I found out that is how my DH spoke.

Squitten · 28/09/2011 22:55

Well, I'd likely ask him exactly what had happened and tell him he sounded like a twat.

But then I have no problem telling my DH if he's being a twat. I have short shrift with that kind of thing...

cory · 28/09/2011 22:57

It doesn't make him sound terribly bright imho. Which is something I would find very off-putting but not everybody does.

squeakytoy · 28/09/2011 23:09

I dont see it as being any different to if you had been out with your mates on a girls night, and some drunk ugly bloke had been giving you and your mates a come on at your table, and nothing more. Nothing happened, so not sure what there would be to be mad about.

AnyFucker · 28/09/2011 23:11

Oh, I wouldn't be mad

I would be disappointed that my husband was acting like such a juvenile pillock

squeakytoy · 28/09/2011 23:13

I am missing how he is acting like a juvenile pillock.. okay his vocabulary leaves a fair bit to be desired, but it was an email, not an A level english essay, and from what the email says, he wasnt pursuing some drunk girl, she was the one making the advances and he didnt reciprocate.

kelly2000 · 28/09/2011 23:20

squeky,
Its the tone and the way he wrote it. It makes him sound like some drunk leery, sleazy guy, which he may not be obviously. But writing like that does not make him look good, it sounds almost like he is boasting, and he sounds as if he is rather stupid.

smartyparts · 28/09/2011 23:20

Apart from the fact he sounds like a misogynist teenager, I'd take it as fantasy.

wildhairrunning · 28/09/2011 23:21

I agree with both of anyfuckers posts! She is a genius!

Op why would she talk like that to him if he hadn't led her on? What he wrote was twatty and disrespectful to you, his wife and he should have moved away if she was flirting with him

AnyFucker · 28/09/2011 23:21

yes, it makes him sound like a man hating twat

whether he "m,eant it" or not, that is what it would signify to me

if you would excuse that in your partner, squeaky, then fair play to you

squeakytoy · 28/09/2011 23:22

He says he wasnt pissed, and I cant see how he was leery or sleazy. All he says is the girl was drunk and not pretty. Hardly boasting .. just male conversation.

AnyFucker · 28/09/2011 23:23

man hating ???

Grin Grin Grin

in my defense, I have been shopping with my teenage dd this evening

I have frequented Hollister

I am traumatised Grin

squeakytoy · 28/09/2011 23:24

AF, my husband would definately not attract the attention of any drunk girl.. unless she had mistaken him for her dad and wanted a lift home!

squeakytoy · 28/09/2011 23:26

Oh, if you have been forced to go into Hollister, I will let you off Grin... I spent a while in there wondering where the bar and the dance floor was! ... the concept of clothes shopping in the dark does nothing for me!

AnyFucker · 28/09/2011 23:27

if he did, squeaky, what would you think if he was talking in this way to his male friends ?

and apparently, these predatory sexual females who want to have 3 somes with all these random guys will pick on any bloke, so no-one is immune to their attentions Hmm

they are so brazen, they will proposition blokes just having an innocent drink with daz and craig

yeah, right

AnyFucker · 28/09/2011 23:28

Grin cross posted

why is it so fucking dark ?

kelly2000 · 28/09/2011 23:30

squekytoy,
I really cannot imagine any man I know writing like that and i cannot imagine a guy who writes like that is a charming or intelligent person. The impression i get of the type who would write like that boasting about a young girl who was drunk and upset acting like that is of a leery drunk guy making sleazy comments about all the women they see and think it is acceptable. Might be an inaccurate impression, but that is the type I imagine writing and thinking like that.

squeakytoy · 28/09/2011 23:32

After many years of working in pubs, I HAVE seen young girls behave like this when drunk. It is embarassing to witness, and it also isnt nice to see them putting themselves at risk too.. I just dont think in this instance that OPs partner has really done anything other than probably embellish his tale to his mate to big himself up a bit, and I do agree his writing skills are juvenile, but I think the situation could have been a lot worse.

festi · 28/09/2011 23:32

I would think I hadnt remembered marrying frank gallagher.

Seriously that is not OK in my world.

AnyFucker · 28/09/2011 23:34

kelly, I am certainly not naive, but i don't know any men like that either

if I came across one, he wouldn't last long in my circle, that is for sure

attitudes like this should not be tolerated, not ever

I wonder what Op's husband would feel like if he came across a viewpoint like this in relation to his own wife, sister, mother, daughter

he wouldn't be too chuffed, I would venture

AnyFucker · 28/09/2011 23:35

yes, it could be worse

him and his mates could have taken her up on her offer over the pool table

why is that any justification ???

kelly2000 · 28/09/2011 23:35

festi
is frank gallagher the scummy father with the long hair in shameless.

WilsonFrickett · 28/09/2011 23:37

I don't think you're being over sensitive at all, but then I also don't think boys will be boys FFS. (sorry OP I know someone else said that, not you) It's a misogynistic email. He might not mean it, it might not have happened like that, but I think it shows a shocking lack of respect for women. Especially as he has a goddess at home about to give birth to his child.

kelly2000 · 28/09/2011 23:37

Exactly anyfucker,
Sounds like the sort of guy who if you say him in a car park you would lock you car door! I can just imagine my DH if someone sent him a text like that. It really is not normal for men to speak like that.

ColdSancerre · 28/09/2011 23:38

Completely agree with AF, shocked some think it is OK.

OP your H sounds incredibly immature and excusing it as 'lads banter' isn't on.

If this is typical male conversation I'm glad that the males I am friends with aren't typical.

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